Worried I am not handling things correctly...(could be my own insecurities...rambly).

KatieKim0815 · May 2014

I am so blessed to have the sweetest 3.5 year old. He is amazing and well rounded and sweet. He definitely is a more sensitive child. And while I often explain when I am discipling him why I am disciplining. So for example I will say "we don't do this because xxxx". However every once and a while a curt "hurry up" or "You're not listening" pops out and he just looks broken when I speak that way and will say "don't talk like that". Sometimes it looks like i have really hurt his feelings and I always get down on the floor to be physically at his level and try to explain if I spoke in haste.

I feel though like if DH speaks abruptly like that he doesn't have the same reactions. So I overanalyze that I am a bad parent or what not. Which I think creates a weird cycle because if I am insecure I don't think that makes Hudson feel secure (meaning I think that kids are attracted to secure parents). I do often overanalyze the way I parent. I often sometimes project my own insecurities on him. Like if I am spending too much time surfing the web on my phone I worry that he's upset about it. I am a worrier by nature.

Do you ever feel this way? I feel like I am overanalyzing the way I parent maybe more than I should. Maybe I just need to grow a pair and toughen up too! LOL

Spin313 · May 2014

Honestly, I'd probably roll my eyes at a friend who had to get down to their child's level and make a big explanation every time they upset their child.

I have a somewhat sensitive DS, but I just say "I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt, but it's important that you pay attention/don't dawdle/watch where your're going, etc..." and then move on.

Aussie45 · May 2014

You and your DH are two different people so how he reacts and you react doesn't mean that one is wrong and one is right. It's just different. It sounds like you try to be aware of how your words affect Hudson and try to take the time to explain things to him. I do think you should own what you do. Say what you need to, try to be sensitive to his sensitivity, but don't dwell on it. Worrying is just going to stress you out. I highly doubt Hudson looks back and thinks, "Wow, last Wednesday mom was really mean to me." So don't sweat the small things.

bumpuser8448316 · May 2014

Every kid s different, you can't parent them all the same. I have a sensitive kid too. If he even thinks you're mad/disappointed/angry he is crushed. Snapping, yelling and brief "because I said so" do not work well with him.

That's not to say I let my kid walk all over me and I never discipline him. You can be firm but gentle and get your point across. There are definitely times when I say, "I'm sorry that you aren't happy but the answer is no and we're not discussing it again." But when necessary I do explain why he can't/has to do something.

honkytonk_kid · May 2014

I have a similar DS. When mine gets upset by me snapping at him/taking something from him abruptly (and I actually WAS rude, not just that he's angry about my decision), I'll just say something like, "Oh my, how rude of me! I'll try again: Parker, I need you to get your shoes on now so that storytime doesn't start without us."

On one hand, kids are people too and deserve explanations they can understand and not just orders barked at them, but on the other hand too much drama tends to feed into my son's reactions and turn them oversensitive/overly dramatic. I want to model for him an appropriate way to express and receive criticism- bringing it up, apologize and make it right, then MOVE ON.

zbeesma86 · May 2014

I have my moments of over analyzing as well. Don't assume something you do makes him feel a certain way.

Z usually reacts right away so if I snap and she immediately cries- we talk. I apologize and explain. She understands what she can and we move one.

Just be open and talk through your feelings. And don't be so hard on yourself (I have to remind myself of that too).

ariel06 · May 2014

I think you're over thinking things. It's great to be aware of how your tone and word choices can effect your child, but everyone else is not going to be that concerned about their feelings.

That said, I do apologize to my kids and explain how I'm feeling frustrated/angry/stressed/etc. and we talk about how we can both change our behaviors.

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Worried I am not handling things correctly...(could be my own insecurities...rambly).

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