Getting from daycare to car is a nightmare

jcath · May 2014

My twins are 2/12 and have been at the same daycare since they were 11 mos old. Our daycare building was formerly an elementary schools so it wasn't built with lots of parking or any easy way to drop off/pick up.

I'm having a terrible time in the afternoon getting them from their classroom into the car, they want to stop in the halls, visit the water fountain etc and I can handle that but once we get outside - they run away from me, they want to play on the front steps, walk on a high retaining wall and then I have trouble getting them to hold my hand in the parking lot, after way too long I finally get them to car and I've tried having one hold onto a spot on the car or sit on a curb while I buckle the other one in but they don't stay still. It's dangerous and tiring and by the time I've finally got them in the car I'm super grumpy with them. I tried saying they could have water or juice or a snack if they walked straight to the car but it didn't always work, snack or juice interfere's with dinner and sometimes I just forget to prepare it in the morning.

Anyone have suggestions for making the whole ritual easier....

Mustardseed2007 · May 2014

I know that they are older, but will they sit in a stroller? My DS still will...he thinks a stroller is an amusement park ride.

cecilyandgautam · May 2014

My neighbor and I do a carpool so I'm also wrestling two preschoolers across a parking lot and into carseats most afternoons. I don't let them outside the school door until they're holding hands with each other and one of them is holding my hand. One of the kids loves to kick dirt and jump in puddles, so I make sure I've got a free arm to grab him before he can run off and spoil his clothes or stomp all over the newly planted flowers. We don't step off the sidewalk onto the parking lot pavement until I'm in the middle, holding both their hands. If one of them isn't willing to hold my hand, then we all sit in a corner until they're ready - usually the threat of "okay, if you're not ready now, you can sit and we'll wait until you're ready" is enough to get them to just cooperate and take my hand. I sometimes offer to have them just go back inside - which they don't want.

Then once we're at the car, I have the one more inclined to run off get in the car first, and close the door. I go the other side, put the other kid in and buckle her into her seat. Go back to other side, buckle 2nd kid in. Distribute snacks (btw - snacks aren't a bribe, they're a necessity and not tied to behavior. The kids are famished by the end of the day. If I don't get my kid to eat immediately, it's meltdown central for the rest of the evening). Get in the car and drive off.

It's a dance.

jf198400 · May 2014

I was also going to suggest stroller. If you don't want to offer snack for good behavior , what about stickers, temp tattoos, or other small prize.

emberlee3 · May 2014

I seriously dread the process of getting my kids from school to home. I was going to post something similar. DS, who is usually quite helpful and cooperative, is a total beast at pickup. Hungry, tired, thirsty, hot, keyed up, worn out.

Other than having one kid climb through while you buckle the other, I don't have any advice. I try to have a snack and some water on my way to pickup because I need all the stamina and patience I can get.

jcath · May 2014

DH used to do the stroller and I put one in a backpack and carried the other but they are too big for the backpack and the double stroller is just another challenge - it's heavy, time-consuming to set up and close and doesn't fit up the ramp or through the door very well - but they hate it and it's probably worth the threat that they would have to ride in it..maybe I'll just go back to it.

Has anyone used the backpack harness? I'm afraid the girls would just go limp like they do when I force them to hold hands or still try to run away and fall down....or get tangle up in each other.

They get a snack late in the afternoon at school so really they aren't that hungry but a drink is always welcome and I'm glad to hear there's no prejudice against bribery

emberlee3 · May 2014

The afternoon snacks at my kids' school are really small, just a handful of goldfish or half a graham cracker. I always bring them a snack for the car. But they don't work as bribes. I have chalked it up to the excitement of being reunited + exhaustion, but I don't know of a real solution.

I tried a harness backpack with DD when we traveled, and she would have none of it.

litzo27 · May 2014

I bribe my 2.5 and 5.5 year old with gum. I don't want to give him snacks because from experience we found that it really interferes with dinner. I was surprised that the 2.5 year old can chew gum so well. We started recently and he does great - no swallowing of it (DS1 only tried gum when he was over 4). And like PP said I put one in and close the door while walking the other one to the other side. To get through the parking lot sometimes we sing, sometimes we count the steps and sometimes I just remind them about the gum

Leap08 · May 2014

It's a bit different for me because I don't have twins. My 4 year old is definitely better now at holding hand than she was when she was 2 and I can always pick up my 2 year old if she is uncooperative. I imagine it's much more difficult to pick up 2 uncooperative kids. Anyway, here are my suggestions. I think they would all work with my (almost) 2.5 year old.

1. Don't leave the building until everyone is holding a hand. If they refuse to hold hands, everyone sits down out of the way until they will hold hands.

2. At the car, open the passenger side door and have the child who sits behind the driver climb through to her seat. Hold hand of the other child while the first child climbs through. Place the child who sits in passenger's side in seat and buckle. Walk around car, buckle in child on driver's side.

3. Use stickers as a reward or maybe implement a sticker chart for good after school behavior and work towards a bigger reward?

cecilyandgautam · May 2014

jcath said:

Has anyone used the backpack harness? I'm afraid the girls would just go limp like they do when I force them to hold hands or still try to run away and fall down....or get tangle up in each other.

For the limp move - I call it the wet noodle - I pick up/drag the kid to the side, whatever the closest safe place is and let the kid have it out. I haven't had both kids go limp on me at the same time, but I have had one go limp while the other tries to run off - I fiercely hold onto one arm each and pick up if I can, or drag if I can't (with the pregnancy, I've been doing the drag more often than I prefer).

Once we're in a safe corner, I put the kid down and just wait. There's a Hindi term for the silent, immovable protest and I just embody that as my cause of the moment. The kid is free to cry, whine, wiggle worm on the floor, but I'm not budging and the kid's not leaving that safe spot until both kids are ready to walk up right and hold my hand. It usually doesn't take long for the noodling kid to see my resolve isn't going anywhere. Anyway, it's not perfect but it's what I can manage to pull off at this point in my pregnancy and it keeps the kids safe. DH, on the other hand, will just scoop up each kid - one in each arm - and carry them, either super man style or upside down.

TheBorg7of9 · May 2014

If the stroller is too hard, how about a wagon?

dashofreality · May 2014

Ugh, I had 2u2, which does not compare to twins. If I had two of my DS I would have no hair. First, this is the main reason I got a minivan so that it is easy to have 1 kid walk over. It was basically not feasible in our previous car. That helps some.

Hmm I just went back and looked - at 2.5 I think you can expect a bit more than what you are getting. I wouldn't trust my kids not to run away, but I expect it by 2.5 (18 months different story). You can try the harness if you need it, I've used it, but for this situation I would focus more on teaching them the correct way to get to the car. Double strollers are a pain, so maybe bring an umbrella stroller in. First kid to misbehave gets strapped in. Hopefully after a few days of laying out expectations and following through with consequences you can start to ditch the stroller. GL.

SunAndRain · May 2014

DD is only 22 months so I'm sure we've only begun to experience what you are describing but my rule is "hold mommy's hand in the parking lot" and she can bitch and scream as much as her little heart desires but I don't negotiate on safety. I don't bribe her for basic good, safe behavior. I don't make everything a game. I do praise her verbally, "Thank you for holding mommy's hand so nicely..." "Thank you for being so helpful by sitting nicely in your car seat."

If she flips out I ask her, "Do you want to walk to the car or do you want mommy to carry you?" She'll either get up and walk or sit and cry in which case I'll carry her. I've put her in time out, one in the school and once on the parking lot sidewalk because she was just over the top. (Teacher was SO on board with the time out she went a got a chair for me! love her!) Time outs have been effective in calming her down and getting her to behave.

I'm pretty no-nonsense but on the flip side I try to let her make many decisions throughout her day so build her confidence and independence. Time will tell how this all works out for us

Anyway, I'm sure my strategy is not helpful as your situation is far more complex. Let us know if you find something that works!

kross605 · May 2014

I agree with the harness backpack. I think if you go with the backpack rather than just a regular harness, you can make it fun, like a big girl thing to wear a backpack. Id still focus on holding hands so you can eventually lose the tether, but in addition to holding hands, you'll have the "leash" as a backup if either of them run off.

And fwiw, my daughter ran off all the time until she was about 3.5 years old....in stores, sidewalks, parks, parking lots etc. We tried all kinds of discipline as well as positive reinforcement and nothing quelled her free (and dangerous) spirit! Thankfully she matured, or a year of discipline finally sunk in. But once our second daughter arrived and the first was still darting down aisles and toward parking lots, I wished we bought the leash even though it was one of those parenting things I told myself I would NEVER do!

groovygrl · May 2014

My twins actually loved the monkey and dog backpacks at that age... But I never used them for daycare but could see that working. I was lucky and our daycare had a drive that went in front of the door and I would seriously circle around for a few minutes if necessary to be sure I got a spot close to the door until they were close to three lol. Could you ask if you could double park just for pickup outside the door until they are a little better at listening and holding hands? GL! It gets better

Want a personalized experience?

Getting from daycare to car is a nightmare

Re: Getting from daycare to car is a nightmare

Choose Another Board

Search Boards