2nd time Moms

zipscheer07 · May 2014

This post is more being scared and nervous for my DD. I know shes young and probably wont understand her new brother but Im just nervous she wont feel all the attention. Any advice as to how to get over this anxiety? TIA

erind228 · May 2014

I had this anxiety when I had my 2nd.
My first two are 15 mos apart. I worried the whole pregnancy that my DD would not get the attention that she deserves. Having them so close in age ended up being the best thing. My daughter loved her baby brother from day 1, and wanted to help as much as she could. When my son was asleep, I spent time with my DD. I think it is totally normal to have these feelings, but we tend to make things out to be worse in our heads than what they turn out to be. My first two are best friends. Try not to fret, it will all work out'

zipscheer07 · May 2014

Thanks @erind228.. I hear people all the time that it turns out awesome but as it gets closer, I get more nervous. I dont want her to think shes pushed aside because shes my baby girl. Thanks for making me feel better

zipscheer07 · May 2014

We are doing a git for her at the hospital when she comes to meet him but with only being 13 months, I'm afraid she wont understand it.

zipscheer07 · May 2014

gift*

RaeJ004 · May 2014

Since I will be off all summer I made a bucket list of 100 things to do with DD. Some I will do, some DH will do, some my parents can take her on any many will be the whole family. We wrote them all down on huge posterboards and have them hanging in the kitchen. Every time we complete one she gets to put a sticker by it. Some are big (spend a day at the state fair, go camping, etc) and some are little (eat breakfast for dinner, color a picture and mail it to a family member, etc) but she is SUPER excited. I think this will be our way to really make it the summer of Georgia the big sister, instead of her feeling like she isn't involved in anything.

mattanda2011 · May 2014

@zipscheer07 I totally feel where you are coming from. My two will be 15-16 months apart and I am definitely worried about how my DD will do. First she loves being out at the park all the time and I am worried I will just not have the energy at the beginning to take her and the new baby. My DH will only be off for a week before it is just me and the kids at home. I do have family around that is willing to come help, and I just keep reminding myself that any time I have help I need to make an effort to get out of the house with just DD. I think that will really help.

I know my DD is a few months older, but she has started being interested in helping me, like putting things away, or bringing me something (granted it lasts about 10 second, but better than nothing) so I think keeping her involved will help. Even now start asking her to do something and then show her what you mean. Like getting you a diaper for her diaper change, or putting her clothes in a drawer. Really little things, and as she gets that stuff maybe it will help with the baby.

Maybe we could do like a 2u2 check in once all the babies start coming to help each other come up with ideas and different ways to keep our older child still feeling loved and included?

jc51206 · May 2014

I've had some of the same anxiety, for my four year old son. He's been the "only" for so long...but the best advice I've heard (I think from this board, actually), that we plan to use, is to not make it the baby's "fault" that Mommy can't come play right now, or that we can't go to that place, or whatever.

I think it'll work out just fine in the end. My first 3 months of pregnancy, this was a source of major anxiety for me. Now I feel better.

jc51206 · May 2014

@RaeJ004
I love this idea! And since 4K starts when summer ends, and that's another big transition, this might be perfect!

becomingmommyagain · May 2014

Between my first and second there are 21 months. He was so good about it when we brought her home wanting to share his toys, hold her and feed her. He was always more of a daddy's boy than a momma's boy and spent a lot of time with my parents too so he wasn't that jealous of the baby. If anything he was way too helpful.

Funny story, We were staying the weekend with the in-laws when DD was about 5 weeks old. DS was supposed to be napping on the sofa in the guest room and DD was in her basinet swing. I had just gone down stairs and I heard DD wimper so I went up to see what was going on. When I opened the door, DS had a football hold on DD. He had picked her up out of the basinet swing and when he saw me, his first reaction was to DROP HER!. Fortunately she was swaddled and the floor was carpeted (and the drop wasn't that far since he was tiny).

Between DD and DS#2 is 18 months to the day. DD was always a momma's girl and very very clingy. We tried to prep her for the new baby coming but she just didnt understand. I had surgery after DS#2 so holding DD was not easy. The first couple days home were really hard and she was not thrilled about DS#2. And since I was nursing, it made it a lot harder.

If you dont already, try to make a routine with your DD that allows for special time between just you two. It doesnt have to be a lot of time. Just a few special minutes carved out of the day for just here. And if you can, get her involved in big sister stuff to make her feel helpful - mine always liked to throw away diapers and put bottles in the sink for me.

tbmadeamistake · May 2014

I'm planning on making sure that more often than not, I am not holding Charlie when C gets home from daycare (where she'll be for a month or so, until I get settled with Charlie and we can transition to having both at home with me). That way, I can spend some time with her in the mornings, and be there for her in the afternoons as well. I also want to make sure that DH and i split up the duties fairly evenly, so she sees him holding Charlie as much as she sees me holding him. Hopefully that will help. We'll each get time with each child, and also both get time with both children. Other than that, I plan to see how she reacts and go based off of that.

zipscheer07 · May 2014

@Lilygrace48... Thats a good idea. With her being so young and not walking completely yet, alot of helping things wont help her. I have a feeling she wont really care as her being on 13 months she wont grasp the concept but giving her the same attention she gets now is my main priority. I want her to see that when she wants picked up, she will get picked up. Thank you ladies for all the posts!

sparklenshine_89 · May 2014

My two boys are 1 year and 12 days apart. They loved each other from the beginning. Whenever I had to sit down and nurse ds2 I kept healthy snacks on me so ds1 wouldn't feel left out.

zipscheer07 · May 2014

Thats a good idea @sparklenshine_89....I will have to try that one! She shows interest in my belly when I say "wheres your brother" but I want to make this transition as easy as possible for her since she is my world!

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2nd time Moms

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