Speaking of all the sex, NSFW

Weljadraak · May 2014

This is a VICE article I stumbled upon. It covers what sex acts are most decidedly not sexy. Do you agree? You can check out the NSFW article HERE. I've extracted the highlights, below.

Bad idea #1: Sex in the shower.

"Even when shower sex is basically working, at some point you're going to notice that the water has been awkwardly blasting the same part of your body too long, and it's getting red and sore. "

Bad idea #2: 69-ing.

Though to me, calling it "69" does make sense, the author thinks one better name would have been "sad anchovies". I can see that working as well.

Bad idea #3: Actually eating edible underwear.

I am sure there are some among us who have tried the delicacy that is chalk candy underwear. Fess up!

"The real disadvantage to the candy necklace kind is that if you don’t shave your pubes completely, any loose hairs will get tangled in the lattice of candy and elastic cord, and then be ripped off when you remove them, or just move at all."

Bad idea #4: Roleplaying

I've always thought this could work with the right person. It works great on TV! because TV is real.

"...at its core, this is acting, and there’s so much wrong with acting while having sex. Namely, most people are not good actors. I can barely act like I'm having an orgasm! Am I right ladies? Ladies?"

Bad idea #5: Sex with a friend, or better known as friends with benefits.

In my limited experience (omg, surprise ah know, ah know), it was the guy who got attached. The author comments FWB is never a good idea, though this scenario may fly:

"A one night stand with one of your friends is a lot more doable. One slip-up can be handled, as long as you don't repeat the mistake. No matter how great it was, you want to keep that friendship in tact because, well, you never know when you're going to need a ride to the airport."

The final bad idea, #6: Sex with warming condom (or lube, I suppose):

Yes yes and yes to all the not fun the unnatural warmness of "warming liquids".

"Change in temperature makes sex fun? I don’t want my vagina to think it’s going through early menopause thank you very much."

So there you have it. Anything to add to the list? I'll add sex in a car. That ish is uncomfortable!

Weljadraak · May 2014

wedding06 said:

Sex in a hot tub. Despite the water it really gets dry. DH loves it and practically expected it when we used to go in his parents hot tub (they never used it). I would often fake low blood sugar and get out.

Yessss! Way too hot.

Mmhodges07 · May 2014

I disagree with all of these, except the edible underwear.
I might be the freak though, according to that test we took a while back though. Right, @trackgirlparis‌

trackgirlparis · May 2014

Mmhodges07 said:
I disagree with all of these, except the edible underwear.
I might be the freak though, according to that test we took a while back though. Right, @trackgirlparis‌

lol right. But, I agree with you here...I disagree with all except the edible underwear. :-??

StefMurph · May 2014

Edible underwear is like fruit roll-up according to my husband. We received some as a gift for our wedding 11 years ago. All the above mentioned sex acts can be fun with the right person.

Weljadraak · May 2014

StefMurph said:

Edible underwear is like fruit roll-up according to my husband. We received some as a gift for our wedding 11 years ago. All the above mentioned sex acts can be fun with the right person.

I think that's the key! It's funny you mention the fruit roll-up because that's what the article says ha ha.

Chrisanna0508 · May 2014

I'm a big fan of sex in the car. Just needs to be a big car. DHs truck used to work great!

Weljadraak · May 2014

Chrisanna0508 said:

I'm a big fan of sex in the car. Just needs to be a big car. DHs truck used to work great!

Must be I've only had small cars, ha ha!

vvg28 · May 2014

Sex in the shower is awful. I hate it! :-q

muffyvonmuff · May 2014

Sex in a shower and roleplaying is a weekly occurrence here.

kimbo1216 · May 2014

Shower sex had never worked for us. Too awkward. Maybe with the right shower, but not in the ones we've had. Good for foreplay though.

tashad18 · May 2014

I don't find any of those to be bad ideas. I will say that I had an allergic reaction to one brand of warming lube once, and it sucked! So in that case--major bad idea!

Lee81 · May 2014

missgpsu said:
Never had sex with a friend and I don't like shower sex. I always end up slipping or falling out of the shower so we foreplay there and then just have sex on the bathroom floor. Once in college, I fell out of my BF's shower and hitting my head on the toilet.

#nocoordination
#notsexytohaveaconcussion

The bathroom floor?? Omg, my knees hurt just thinking about that.

Definitely no shower sex for us. Dh is too much taller than me for any kind of standing sex to not be super awkward.

Weljadraak · May 2014

Lee81 said:
The bathroom floor?? Omg, my knees hurt just thinking about that. Definitely no shower sex for us. Dh is too much taller than me for any kind of standing sex to not be super awkward.

This is our problem! Though I hear they have shower swings...

Weljadraak · May 2014

missgpsu said:

Never had sex with a friend and I don't like shower sex. I always end up slipping or falling out of the shower so we foreplay there and then just have sex on the bathroom floor. Once in college, I fell out of my BF's shower and hitting my head on the toilet.

#nocoordination
#notsexytohaveaconcussion

One reason why shower sex made the list.

Weljadraak · May 2014

@ellestaxx finish the sentence!

trackgirlparis · May 2014

ElleStaxx said:

Weljadraak said:
@ellestaxx finish the sentence!
We would be here all night ....here is one....

One night while wearing my vodka goggles I demanded my boyfriend to get the hell out of my apartment. As I went to swing the front door open to 'show his ass out' in my most dramatic way, I smacked myself in the face with the door and knocked myself out cold. I cracked open my brow bone. Blood everywhere. Had to get stitches. It was a nightmare. Those damn vodka goggles!

This is why I love you

)

Weljadraak · May 2014

ElleStaxx said:

@ellestaxx finish the sentence!
We would be here all night ....here is one.... One night while wearing my vodka goggles I demanded my boyfriend to get the hell out of my apartment. As I went to swing the front door open to 'show his ass out' in my most dramatic way, I smacked myself in the face with the door and knocked myself out cold. I cracked open my brow bone. Blood everywhere. Had to get stitches. It was a nightmare. Those damn vodka goggles!

omg! ouch!! this makes me think of how much blood there must have been because forehead gash+ alcohol.

Lee81 · May 2014

ElleStaxx said:

Lee81 said:

missgpsu said:
Never had sex with a friend and I don't like shower sex. I always end up slipping or falling out of the shower so we foreplay there and then just have sex on the bathroom floor. Once in college, I fell out of my BF's shower and hitting my head on the toilet.

#nocoordination
#notsexytohaveaconcussion
The bathroom floor?? Omg, my knees hurt just thinking about that.

Definitely no shower sex for us. Dh is too much taller than me for any kind of standing sex to not be super awkward.

Not to speak for @missgpsu‌ but we use the floor mat. We have a nice fluffy throw rug in out bathroom.

The fact that I don't think of these things is probably part of the reason why I am #teammosex.

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