Constantly terrified of having a miscarriage

astridz077 · May 2014

I am only a bit over 4 weeks with my first pregnancy. I am constantly terrified of not being able to hold on to the pregnancy. I am still having a bit of trouble believing I'm really pregnant. I am pushing 37 years old and we had been TTC for just a few months. I took a test on Mother's Day, NEVER expecting it to be positive. I took 2 more at home and 1 at the dr's office 2 days later. All positive. I haven't really had much in a way of symptoms though, other than some mild cramping. I know many ladies say not to wish for the symptoms but since the dr won't see me for another 4 weeks I just wish I had some sign that things are moving along ok. I freak over every twinge and twitch! I am so afraid of not really having been pregnant or miscarrying. I afraid to even talk out loud about being pregnant because if I allow myself to let it be real and then something happens I will be devastated. To make matters worse, I can't even talk to my mom/family because they don't think I should have kids. I suffer from depression and my family just feels having a baby isn't for "someone like me". They also don't think it's very practical to have a baby in this economy. I work 8 (yes 8) part time jobs just to make ends meet but the ends always meet. I am almost as afraid of being pregnant as I am of not being pregnant because I know my husband and I will not have much support. Sorry if I'm all over the place here but I just needed to let some of this out and I don't have anyone to talk to.

peggels24 · May 2014

First of all - congratulations!

I am so sorry that you are so stressed. Please, try to find a way to relax. Right now, you are pregnant and you should try to enjoy it.

KJsbabe · May 2014

I'm sorry you're so worried. Being pregnant can be terrifying at times! It seems like there's always something to worry about. It's very normal not to have a lot of symptoms in the first couple weeks. I really didn't start feeling anything until 6 weeks. Mild cramping is also normal. Your uterus is stretching and making room for baby. I know it can be nerve wracking!

On PgAL we have a motto, "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby". No matter what happens tomorrow, or next week, or next month, today you are pregnant. Just focus on loving your baby.

astridz077 · May 2014

I am fortunate that my husband is very supportive ( I personally think I hit the husband lotto) but it just hurts having a mom who doesn't think kids are a good idea. What the heck is that saying?! For now I have been doing my very best to take care of myself and I guess I'll just have to wait. I know I'm certainly not the first woman to have these emotions. I just need to let it out a bit I guess. Thanks for listening.

aves0708 · May 2014

I can completely relate to your feelings. We were TTC for 15 months and finally got pregnant with the help of Clomid/IUI and a great RE. Now that we finally got here I've been struggling with the fear that it will all be taken away. After a really bad couple of days, I've really tried to embrace the fact that today I am pregnant and I am so grateful for that. I have also been reminding myself that everything is out of our control at this point and worrying/stressing will not change anything.

I also have no symptoms right now(even my sore boobs are getting less sore), but I did have a ton of cramping right after I found out through the end of week 4. Cramping/twinges are nothing to worry about Remember that everyone experiences pregnancy differently. Try to enjoy every moment of it. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

sunlavender · May 2014

It is a bit scary. Especially when you're not feeling any symptoms (although I personally think it takes longer than most people think to get symptoms).

I've had a loss. I keep telling myself, "I'm pregnant today." Take each day at a time and enjoy. It's all you can do

NatureLovers · May 2014

I'm sorry, your family sounds like a bunch of assholes. If you tell them, I'd preface it with "I have something to tell you, and if you can't find anything nice to say, then don't say anything, because I will not forget or overlook any insensitive or cruel comments." And if they did say anything rude, I'd cut ties with them, but then again I am the type of person that will not tolerate any bullshit whatsoever, regardless of source. I hope it gets better for you soon.

Saracp78 · May 2014

First of all congratulations! You are pregnant and that is amazing

I have the same fear of embracing it to much so afraid... I am pushing 36 and this is my first. But everyday I get more and more hopeful. I will tell myself everyday " I am pregnant and it is amazing." And you should do the same

We might be pretty close. I tested the Friday before Mother's Day.

What is your EDD?

longcat07 · May 2014

i'm sorry you're having such a rough time. i had a recent loss too and wasn't expecting a positive (i tested the day after mother's day). i was a complete basket case for much of last week, especially at the end of the week when i had some light brown spotting. (i had light brown spotting just before my loss.) since then, i've been working pretty hard internally with the "today, i am pregnant" mantra, and also telling bean sprout how much s/he is wanted and loved, no matter what happens. it's helped a lot, and i think i've found a calm space now.

as for your family...yeah, they sound like assholes. maybe if your mom says something critical, you can just smile big at her and say, "i don't care what you think, i'm over the moon." my parents aren't quite as bad as it sounds like your mom is, but they're always critical first and then happy (much) later, so i'm kind of dreading telling them when the time comes.

sgio7485 · May 2014

I'm sorry you're feeling worried. I had a MC in November and I feel constant worry and fear. It's not easy, but today I am pregnant, and I am so grateful. I have no symptoms, and last time I had full blown symptoms at 4 weeks. Try not too look into that too much (and I'll try to do the same!!)

astridz077 · May 2014

@Saracp78 - so far my due date is 1/22/15. The nurse at the OB's though was wondering if I may be further along because my test came up really fast. That would be awesome but i won't know anything until my first prenatal visit 6/10. Hope we get to be bumpies together!!

taberbtb · May 2014

I am sorry you aren't feeling supported by your family, but it sounds like you have a husband who is more than supports you enough for all of them and remember you are very lucky to have that.

FWIW my first pregnancy I had that "nagging feeling" that held me back the whole time, and at 12 weeks my worst fears were confirmed. I now regret that I didn't celebrate the joy of those babies while they were with me. As PP has mentioned the mantra of "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby" is a great thing to remind yourself regularily. Enjoy what you have each day!

BookitBoo · May 2014

Congratulations!

Try to breathe. It's scary, especially when you don't feel like you have good support. But It sounds that your honey is a pretty great catch! Ignore the negativity and focus on being happy and in the moment.

Lots of love, thoughts and prayers!

peggels24 · May 2014

@sassymommac I assumed that she didn't have a previous loss because she said that this was her "first pregnancy"

longcat07 · May 2014

oh, i totally misread it. i thought she said she lost her first at just over 4 weeks. d'oh.

mpiemont · May 2014

Congrats on your pregnancy. Unless there is a reason to think otherwise, your pregnancy is going just as it should. At 4 weeks there probably won't be much in the way of symptoms. Enjoy that!

lalove23 · May 2014

Congrats on your pregnancy! It seems we're all in the same boat with worries and fears right now. It's not easy but try and take it one day at a time.

BTW that's exactly the pep talk I'm currently giving myself.

astridz077 · May 2014

I have never had a loss before. Truth be told my biological clock was apparently running slow and then the absolute need to have a baby sort of hit my like a freight train. After all the years of saying I didnt want kids I guess I'm afraid I'll get what I deserve.

Latham12 · May 2014

Are you staying in contact with your psychiatrist concerning anxiety issues? I know you can't take anxiety meds but ask about Benadryl, it has the same effect as anxiety meds and is safe for pregnancy. Coming from a family that mental illness runs in, I know it's hard when people don't understand. What a-holes telling you that you shouldn't be a mom! I pray you can find support in a friend or counselor.

NatureLovers · May 2014

astridz077 said:
I have never had a loss before. Truth be told my biological clock was apparently running slow and then the absolute need to have a baby sort of hit my like a freight train. After all the years of saying I didnt want kids I guess I'm afraid I'll get what I deserve.

"Get what you deserve"? No one deserves a miscarriage. Women that have miscarriages are not bad women who didn't deserve their babies. You should talk to your psychiatrist about those feelings.

Saracp78 · May 2014

@astridz077‌ my EDD is 1/20

my first appointment is 6/6 so I'll know better then.

This is your time. Being pregnant is roller coaster similar to motherhood I am guessing

It will get easier... Just remember that you are pregnant and what an amazing thing that is!!

missiemae · May 2014

Congratulations!!
I too had a Mother's Day surprise!

I too feel the same way about the symptoms. It doesn't seem real as I don't feel pregnant and worry as I have had 2 recent losses.
I can not believe the lack of support that you have! I feel terribly for you! Hugs to you!! Don't worry we are here to support you and to listen when you need to let it out!

MusicFanatic · May 2014

astridz077 said:

I have never had a loss before. Truth be told my biological clock was apparently running slow and then the absolute need to have a baby sort of hit my like a freight train. After all the years of saying I didnt want kids I guess I'm afraid I'll get what I deserve.

Yeah I'm not actually cool with what you just said, sorry.
I'm sorry you're stressed and nervous, but WTF does that mean?
I've said on here before that I never wanted kids... there are actually several of us on here, there was a thread on it it earlier. So because we never wanted kids, we deserve to not actually have them and karma will bite us in the ass? I'm sure this isn't what you meant- but still. That was a really silly thing to say.

astridz077 · May 2014

Please accept my apologies. I certainly did not mean to offend and I was definitely not referring to any other woman on this board. I just spent so many years saying I didn't want children. I pray everyday now for a healthy baby. I feel hypocritical. Again my sincerest apologies to anyone offended.

MaPetiteFamille · May 2014

It's normal to be a little nervous, but if your anxiety over the possibility of a loss is all consuming, you need to seek outside help. There's a difference between hoping and praying that your pregnancy will stick and being so overwhelmed with anxiety that it interferes with your quality of life. Someone mentioned Benadryl. I wouldn't recommend that route (it's safe but not very effective for anxiety), but I would recommend getting set up with a counselor if you don't already have one. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be as effective as medication for treating anxiety. Failing that, there are many women who take SSRIs during pregnancy, particularly Prozac and Zoloft. They are pregnancy category C, so you need to consult with your OB to discuss the risks and benefits of meds during pregnancy.

Finally, I can't tell you how helpful it was for me to join a new mom's group when I was pregnant with DD. We are friends to this day. If you don't have a support group now, try to build one before the baby is born. Without my mom friends, I would've had a very different experience.

MusicFanatic · May 2014

astridz077 said:

Please accept my apologies. I certainly did not mean to offend and I was definitely not referring to any other woman on this board. I just spent so many years saying I didn't want children. I pray everyday now for a healthy baby. I feel hypocritical. Again my sincerest apologies to anyone offended.

I know you didn't mean it the way I took it, but it just hit me because only a few days ago a bunch of us were saying we grew up never wanting kids. There are PLENTY of people in the world that say they never want kids and have a change of heart. It's not as abnormal as you think. I've gone most of my marriage saying I never wanted kids, and obviously had a change of heart. I don't feel I deserve a child any less because of my feelings, or that anything bad will happen. It's simply a change of heart and paths. Don't feel you deserve it any less.

peggels24 · May 2014

Just as a side note - if it makes you feel better, I am 38 years old and will be 39 in June. It's ok that you waited to have a child - I did and I have zero regrets. If all goes well with this pregnancy, I will be trying for a second as soon as I am cleared after having the baby.

Karma does not say that you can't have children now because you weren't prepared for them earlier in life.

I'm sorry that you are going through so much stress.

renee407 · May 2014

I too decided to have a child at 35. I have two in high school & one in 4th grade but I felt it was something I wanted. It's scary but like all the others say " your pregnant today". As far as your mother... We cannot change the person.. Just be happy. You deserve this.. My due date is 1/15/2015. First appt on June 3.

ImJessesGirl · May 2014

KJsbabe said:

I'm sorry you're so worried. Being pregnant can be terrifying at times! It seems like there's always something to worry about. It's very normal not to have a lot of symptoms in the first couple weeks. I really didn't start feeling anything until 6 weeks. Mild cramping is also normal. Your uterus is stretching and making room for baby. I know it can be nerve wracking!

On PgAL we have a motto, "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby". No matter what happens tomorrow, or next week, or next month, today you are pregnant. Just focus on loving your baby.

Oh I love this so much!!!!

Want a personalized experience?

Constantly terrified of having a miscarriage

Re: Constantly terrified of having a miscarriage

Choose Another Board

Search Boards