Should she call me mom?

KyMommy86 · May 2014

I watch my niece 5 days a week sometimes for as much as 9 hours a day. I have tried everything to get her to stop calling me mom (her mom is not in her life nor is her dad). I try to tell her that I'm Aunt M--- but she hears my son (who is only 6 weeks younger than she is) call me mom and she doesn't seem to want to stop. I don't really want her to call me mom but I'm running out of ideas.

twinkletoes3126 · May 2014

I run into this sometimes because I watch another child. She occasionally calls me Mommy and I think that's largely because my son is her age and calls me Mommy. When she says it, I say "Mommy is at work" or I'll repeat back what she said with my name in the place of Mommy. There really isn't much more you can do, she will outgrow it.

KyMommy86 · May 2014

Sometimes I ignore her until she calls me the right thing (if she doesn't want something important) but I feel mean doing that.
It's frustrating. Her mom isn't anywhere that I can tell her and she NEVER sees her mom or her dad. I know the poor kid is confused.

mb314 · May 2014

Who is her primary care giver? I would ask them how they feel about it. She may be looking for a maternal figure in you. That's a tough call. Maybe she could call you something else like Mommy M(your name)? She may

KyMommy86 · May 2014

My dad and stepmom are her legal guardians. I don't think they like her calling me mom either because they correct her too but we haven't had a formal conversation about it.

HZ2012 · May 2014

Maybe give yourself a cool nickname for her? Or like some grandma's are MeMom (not saying you're like a grandma

) but just her own name for you so it feels just as special as her calling you mommy?

KyMommy86 · May 2014

That's a good idea.
I have 6 nieces so Aunt M--- is not really that special. But the poor girl does have a void that needs to be filled since her parents aren't present in her life.

ASmallWonder · May 2014

That's so heartbreaking

Maybe suggest Mimi? It's kind of like mommy

KyMommy86 · May 2014

I like the Mimi idea.
I do feel bad for her and try to treat her like I treat my own.

acbarbour · May 2014

I lurk here but my mom did daycare for years and raised one of my cousins full time for about 5 years and had the same problem. When the daycare kids would call her mommy she would call them silly names like duckling, or baby bear and when they used the correct name Mrs._____ she would use their names, kinda making a game of it. With my cousin she just asked her to call her Aunt Mommy and that worked. I agree with the PP that a special nickname would be good, I like Mimi or Momma M_____

=Lee=B · May 2014

How old is she? I run a home daycare and spent most of my working life taking care of children they ALL called me mom for a period of time usually around 14-18 months. They know I am not THEIR mom but mom is just what they have at hand to use. Some children will call all women they know mom briefly before their language develops others use it for a few people.

I have a little one in my daycare right now, 17months, calling me mom. I just try to use my name as much as I can...in time she'll figure it out. I don't make a point of telling the children's mom's that they call me this (as it does hurt) but if the mom's notice I assure them it is a normal developmental process and just encourage that they use my name often for their child to hear.

Unless the child is much older I wouldn't make a big deal and tell her not to call you mom. You'll likely just draw more attention to it and create confusion. If the child is older then the idea of a meaningful nickname might work. Spending 45hrs a day with you makes you a very strong person in her life having a special name can make it all the more meaningful...especially if she doesn't have her mom in her life right now!

ASmallWonder · May 2014

theresat858 said:

Does your step mom refer to herself as "mommy" to the little girl? If so, I would tell her that her stepmom is her mommy and you are "Mimi" or "Aunt M" or whatever you want her to call you.

I would only do this if your step mom is okay with being considered mom and is intent on raising her.

Neither of the little girl's parents are in the picture. It is the OP's father and the father's wife (OP's stepmother) who are caring for the girl so that woman isn't her mother either.

KyMommy86 · May 2014

=Lee=B said:

How old is she? I run a home daycare and spent most of my working life taking care of children they ALL called me mom for a period of time usually around 14-18 months. They know I am not THEIR mom but mom is just what they have at hand to use. Some children will call all women they know mom briefly before their language develops others use it for a few people.
I have a little one in my daycare right now, 17months, calling me mom. I just try to use my name as much as I can...in time she'll figure it out. I don't make a point of telling the children's mom's that they call me this (as it does hurt) but if the mom's notice I assure them it is a normal developmental process and just encourage that they use my name often for their child to hear.
Unless the child is much older I wouldn't make a big deal and tell her not to call you mom. You'll likely just draw more attention to it and create confusion. If the child is older then the idea of a meaningful nickname might work. Spending 45hrs a day with you makes you a very strong person in her life having a special name can make it all the more meaningful...especially if she doesn't have her mom in her life right now!

She just turned 2 at the beginning of this month so I'm kinda liking the nickname idea.

KyMommy86 · May 2014

theresat858 said:

elmoali said:

theresat858 said:

Does your step mom refer to herself as "mommy" to the little girl? If so, I would tell her that her stepmom is her mommy and you are "Mimi" or "Aunt M" or whatever you want her to call you.

I would only do this if your step mom is okay with being considered mom and is intent on raising her.

Neither of the little girl's parents are in the picture. It is the OP's father and the father's wife (OP's stepmother) who are caring for the girl so that woman isn't her mother either.

Right.... so I was asking if the OP's stepmother referred to herself as the girl's mother. I know that most step parents and adoptive parents actually do consider themselves moms and dads to the children they are raising. This sounds like a slightly different situation, so I wasn't sure - it depends on how the adult female who is currently assuming the "mother" role in the child's life feels about it.

She is Nana and my dad is Pops. The are trying not to distinguish the fact that she is a bit different than their other grandkids.

cedenton · May 2014

How old is she? I've noticed DS (21 months) calling other women and men mommy and daddy. It's clear he doesn't know what else to call them. A woman with a child is a mommy and a man with a child is a daddy.

ETA: Just saw that she's 2...so it could be what I described above.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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KyMommy86 · May 2014

My mom reminded me that when I was around 2 I called everyone in an Army uniform Daddy (my dad was Army). So I guess it IS just a normal thing that kids go through as many of you have said.

sunnyday016 · May 2014

Oh she is only 2? I would cut the poor child some slack! I really don't think this is a big deal. She is looking for a mother figure, and sees you as one. I really would just go with it. She will learn in time what to call you, whether you choose to go by Aunt or a special nickname.

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