Just have to rant...

JellicalParker · May 2014

So, I work in customer service and had to tell my co-workers when I was pregnant so they wouldn't be angry with me when I had to pee every 30 min. Well, the day before my mc one of my co-workers asked me how far along I was and I told her that I was 4w. And she basically said, "so you're not really pregnant then..." I had to contain myself as I explained to her that from the moment you get a BFP that you are pregnant, whether she liked it or not. Well, that was the day before I ended up in the ER because I was bleeding. In the back of my head all I can think of is how she said I wasn't "really" pregnant, like there is such a thing. To top it off, this past week someone else sent me a message asking me if I really was pregnant, after I had told her that I was. This young woman is in the medical field and I couldn't believe her ignorance about the fact that you either are or are not pregnant. I told her about my mc and she told me that it couldn't really hurt that bad since I wasn't really sure, according to her. It kills me that people don't understand pregnancy and are so judgemental of it. With this pregnancy I got to see the tiny little gestational sac, there is no doubt in my mind that I was growing a baby, and that baby didn't stick. With these two women having said what they have, I just want to slap them! Knock some sense into them and then never talk to them again. UGH! It's been a rough week, needed to get all this crap off my chest!

tlc35 · May 2014

I'm sorry that people are so insensitive ((Hugs))

mflowers929 · May 2014

I had a friend (who doesn't want kids) ask me if it was really so bad, since I was just barely pregnant. I literally had to grit my teeth. I tried explaining it to her as if I was about to go on my dream trip, one I had planned for for a very long time, and all of a sudden the person I'm supposed to go with passes away. At least, that's how it feels for me. I don't think she believed me that it was that harsh.

JellicalParker · May 2014

@mflowers929‌ I understand what you mean. It seems like some people just don't think it's a big deal, not even for you. I can't comprehend how people like your friend and mine don't know that it hurts. It really hurts. It's one of those things that I wouldn't wish on my enemy and I hate when you have to explain that to people who you believe should at least sympathize for you.
Like my co-worker. I wouldn't have told her except for the fact that I kept running to the back to pee, I didn't want her to feel like I wasn't working or didn't do my job. Now I really wish I hadn't told her at all.

gabbagal · May 2014

Sorry you've had to deal with so much ignorance on top of everything else. It's really sad how many people think of miscarriage as just the loss of the potential for a child. They really have no idea what it's like to go through it unless they've (unfortunately) experienced it.

edited to remove an irrelevant analogy

meredithcarole · May 2014

I am sorry, that is frustrating and upsetting. Ignorance breeds people with loud opinions.

biojess · May 2014

@JellicalParker, I'm so sorry people are saying such insensitive things. There's no such thing as "a little pregnant." It's frustrating when people invalidate your experience, especially as a result of ignorance.

Even if one considers miscarriage to be the loss of a potential child or a particular vision of the future (as compared to the death of a child), it's still a big deal. It is still life changing.

@mflowers929, that analogy is a great place to start explaining the impact to people.

mflowers929 · May 2014

@biojess - thanks. Considering that I've known I wanted to be a mother since I was 3, when my brother was born (we've always had a special relationship), I think it was appropriate.

stephy1221 · May 2014

I am so sorry. I do not understand why ppl either can not STFU or simply say "sorry you are going through that". Minimizing someone's pain does not bring comfort.

mrsericawarren · May 2014

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. When I miscarried, my own mother said "it was just a sac of cells" and "its a good thing it happened now (10 weeks) rather than later in the pregnancy". It broke my heart and even though my mom lost a baby at 7 months pregnant and I know she was trying to be helpful, it just minimized my loss and made me feel horrible. If you need additional support as you mourn your loss--believe me the mourning part comes in waves and can be fierce as you deal with the rest o

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