My MIL and breastfeeding - a vent

peanutmuse · May 2014

So my MIL told me and my husband today that women who breastfeed until their children are 2 or 3 are "extremely selfish." Excuse me, what the what?!?! She also told me I should stop breastfeeding now because it's too inconvenient, despite the fact that I have told her on multiple occasions that I have no intentions of stopping anytime soon. My husband finally acknowledged that she says things just to piss me off. I've been telling him that for years, but it took the ridiculousness of saying that breastfeeding is selfish for him to see it.

She didn't BF her two kids and my SIL (her daughter) stopped within 2 months for both of her kids. At her mother's urging, of course.

I simply cannot understand how someone can be so anti-breastfeeding.

peanutmuse · May 2014

(I should also add that Brennon is extremely happy all.of.the.time, thriving, and has been STTN for 2 months. SIL's son is super fussy and does not STTN, despite being two weeks past the age when Brennon started. He has also been sick twice and has major constipation issues. If Brennon was the fussy, not sleeping one, I might understand why MIL would suggest it. I'm not saying that formula is causing the problems, because I don't think it is -- except maybe the constipation. But clearly what we're doing is working for us. Why the eff would we change?!?!)

angiek1 · May 2014

I can't get over her statement that BF is selfish! She is just BSC!

Cara1024 · May 2014

Did you ask her HOW BF is selfish? I'd like to know what she'd say. If its selfish just because others want to feed him then that is the dumbest thing ever. What about what is best for the baby not what someone else might prefer?

Tcbrannon222 · May 2014

Well I thought my mil was crazy but yours had topped mine! So I didn't bf my two older daughters and did this time, well it's amanzing. I wish I could go back and bf them, they both had some issues with formula. I say do it as long as possible and good for your dh for sticking up for you! Good luck.

Sakura16 · May 2014

Wait how the hell is it selfish? I find it highly inconvenient, time consuming and exhausting, but I do it for the health and well-being of my daughter. Granted, I do enjoy the closeness and the time we share while I do it, but overall it is much more involved and not at all selfish in any way I could possibly imagine! Is it possible she gave up BF because it was hard so she pressured you and your SIL to stop so she wouldn't look bad? I have family members who could definitely be that petty, but I'm not sure if that's the case with your MIL.

cowscrub · May 2014

Only something that foolish can come from someone who has never breastfed. It is such a selfless act and to say its selfish.. Please.
She can have her painting for company if feeding the baby for 20 min is taking to much time from her.

peanutmuse · May 2014

@allyerrn‌ -- I bring bottles of expressed milk every time we go over there so she can feed him if she wants -- which is only about 1/4 of the time.

@Sakura16‌ -- it's not that she gave it up, she never actually started. She said she had no interest and doesn't understand it.

I think she has taken such a strong stance against it because she hears her friends and family members praising me for doing it and it pisses her off because she considers her daughter to be a fabulous mother and it's become a competition. (Not for me and SIL, but in MIL's mind.) I'm not kidding, I truly think that is the reason.

km_md · May 2014

WTAF? I don't think I've ever heard of someone saying that BFing is selfish and it is definitely more convenient than bottle feeding because you just have to whip it out and go. I'm glad that your husband is seeing that she's being crazy though.

NenaMarie84 · May 2014

My Mom is like that. Not to the extent of your MIL, but she'll often hint about hot inconvient it is that I BF, that formula is easier... Super annoying when people can't just support your decision to do what you feel is best for your baby at the time. Good luck with your monster-in-law!

Tylynngrace · May 2014

She's nuts, BF is in no way selfish. I wish I could've and I commend you for being able to!

amt0312 · May 2014

I commend all women who have made BF work- it takes a strong will and perseverance like I've never experienced. Good job for making it work and I still wish sometimes I had pushed harder to make it work for us. This BF vs FF debate is one of the most ridiculous arguments out there and I just wish people would mind their own damn business. And FF is not really all that easy because I constantly worry about the ingredients of what is going into my child because I have very little control over it. Also, making the stupid formula, washing all those damn bottles, fretting over every ounce, the constipation, is the formula making her reflux worse?, the cost, etc.

Your MIL is nuts and totally needs to be put in her place.

sugarland726 · May 2014

peanutmuse said:

I think she has taken such a strong stance against it because she hears her friends and family members praising me for doing it and it pisses her off because she considers her daughter to be a fabulous mother and it's become a competition. (Not for me and SIL, but in MIL's mind.) I'm not kidding, I truly think that is the reason.

I think this is crazy. Why does it have to be a competition?

worleygirl · May 2014

I'd just ignore her. Even negative attention is attention. It seems like she just wants a rise out of you and I just wouldn't give her the satisfaction of thinking you are remotely listening to her drivel. She sounds like an idiot.

JennaRaek · May 2014

allyerrn said:

Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I've ever done. So hard that I only lasted a few weeks, now we are EFF. I think any woman who breast feeds for any length of time is a rockstar in my book. ^:)^

Agreed. Total rockstars! I only BF for about 6 weeks. Wish I would have put a little more effort into it. I plan on trying a little harder this time around.

SarahA918 · May 2014

I'd BF him until he was 5 just to spite her.

No I wouldn't. 8-}

peanutmuse · May 2014

SarahA918 said:
I'd BF him until he was 5 just to spite her.

No I wouldn't. 8-}

Well, my plan (for now) is to let him self-wean. So there's that.

@wilburbud -- sometimes I address these issues, but when they are so far out in left field, I tend to let them sit. I love to watch her squirm when I smile at her after those statements. She starts rambling nonsense and digs herself even further into her crazy hole.

firsttimemom143 · May 2014

peanutmuse said:

She also told me I should stop breastfeeding now because it's too inconvenient, despite the fact that I

Is this somehow inconvienant for HER? Why should she care if it is or isnt convienant? I cant stand when people have something negative to say about BF or when they say you have been doing it "too long." Ibe been BF almost 5 months and during the 3 month mark, my MIL asked me how long I plan on nursing and if I should stop now and get her used to formula. I told her I plan on nursing LO til shes 5. I dont know if I really plan on nursing her that long but it was funny to see her reaction lol.

The AAP recomends at least one year BF. So keep it up mama and dont let anyone make you stop!

bethughknee · May 2014

peanutmuse said:

I'd BF him until he was 5 just to spite her. No I wouldn't. 8-}
Well, my plan (for now) is to let him self-wean. So there's that. @wilburbud -- sometimes I address these issues, but when they are so far out in left field, I tend to let them sit. I love to watch her squirm when I smile at her after those statements. She starts rambling nonsense and digs herself even further into her crazy hole.

This is what I want to see. I love watching people trip and fall into holes they dug themselves.

I mean...I'm really a lovely person, I swear.

Rebis58 · May 2014

She's crazy. Breastfeeding is not inconvenient when it's going well (what can be easier than whipping a boob out? No dealing with bottles, mixing formula, etc.) and it's definitely the furthest thing from selfish. I know some people love every second of nursing, but while I enjoy parts of it I definitely would love to share the responsibility of feeding LO and look forward to getting my body back someday. Not to mention the struggles of early breastfeeding - one of the hardest things I've ever done!

This would drive me up the wall! Good for you for keeping your cool.

RedSaffron · May 2014

I'm sorry you have the worst mil of all time. How can a mother say that to another mother.. Good for you to fight for what's best for you and Brennon and NOT for her.
I would seriously rip off anyone's face if they told me I'm being selfish for BF.

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