Coworkers who are also Co-IF-ers? Child/BFP (not mine)

BunnyBerry · May 2014

I had the most fascinating conversation today! Ended up at lunch with some other reproductive-age female coworkers, chatting about the one baby between us. As the only other married one, I was asked (very sensitively) if I was planning/hoping for kids soon, so I decided to be honest and say we've been trying and having trouble, but we hope soon. The mom asked if I had considered fertility treatments - I was surprised but felt comfortable and said we just starting working with an RE.

She then openly shared her amazing story - since her DH has Huntington's (50% chance of passing to children), they prepped for $25k IVF with PGD, until her DH shared he is comfortable with sperm donation. They acheived a BFP with SD IUI #1 and have bought vials for 100% genetically related future siblings.

She also confirmed that our other coworker, PG with twins, also used fertility treatments (not sure if IUI or IVF) and is comfortable/open talking about it. In fact, we see 3 different REs at the same practice - and one is the parent of a student at our school, LOL!

This was so refreshing to me because I've been feeling overwhelmed and as if I have this guilty secret at work, and now I feel so normalized! DH wasn't thrilled that I admitted at work that we're seeing an RE. I was wondering if anyone else has discovered fellow IFers at work, and if they have felt comfortable becoming buddies over it at all? Or is it something you keep closer to the chest?

brazenbiblio · May 2014

I've been hiding it which has been really difficult especially as a teacher in a school full of women. Someone is always pregnant which leads to everyone talking about who's next. I wish I had people at work who I could talk things over with.

.Mrs.Matt. · May 2014

I've been quiet about it, but I'm reaching the point that I don't really care anymore if it comes out. Hiding is exhausting.

I'm happy to hear your story. I catch myself thinking about 1 in 8, and reminding myself that statistically there are women all around me who have experienced IF at some point. Glad you found some support in your own backyard!

pmpknbride · May 2014

***babies mentioned*** i work at home - solo - so no co-workers, but I came out of Facebook for niaw and I was overwhelmed with how many private messages I received from Facebook friends who were all in different stages, two had just had their babies via IUI, another tried for 2 years and finally got pregnant and is trying for #2 with no success and will start testing soon, one will be doing IVF this summer, one just suffered a miscarriage and one just hit the year mark and is trying to decide what she wants to do. It's a very lonely thing to go through, but if we all start opening up about it we will quickly realize we are not alone. I'm so happy I came out of the IF closest, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I feel comfort knowing I'm not the only one!

jencity9 · May 2014

I never had a fellow IF person but I did have a coworker who hate a late term miscarriage of twins. She had trouble maintaining a pregnancy due to cervix issues so she and I understood each other to a certain degree in terms of being childless not by choice. That's great you have people to relate to at work!

BunnyBerry · May 2014

@awiley10 I hear you! As teachers, there is constant baby talk. We had 3 born recently, twins on the way, and we have a really small school, too. I understand that awful feeling of hiding all the time - wondering when people will ask why I have so many appointments. I hope you will soon find someone at work that you can at least share knowing looks with when the baby talk starts!

@.mrs.matt. It's hard to believe the 1 in 8 statistic because IRL we hardly ever hear about IF from others! I agree that it's sooo exhausting to hide. It keeps reminding me of how IF causes as much emotional stress as a cancer diagnosis. It's as if we have a guilty secret, except we haven't done anything wrong.

@pmpknbride Congrats for coming out on FB! I don't think I will because DH wouldn't be comfortable, but it must have been so validating to hear from all of your friends with IF!

@jencity9 I'm so sorry for your coworker. I'm glad she knew she had you to talk to and share with. I'm glad it's a comfort for you, too, to have someone at work who can understand.

StacyLH24 · May 2014

My current supervisor is a fellow IFer. She stopped trying after two years, so they aren't currently in treatment or anything, but she understands 100%. She knows pretty much every detail of our journey and it is so helpful. Most of my coworkers know and so does our Director. My supervisor is who encouraged us to start when we did. When only my supervisor and our Director knew, it was hard. We have cubicles in our office so there is virtually no privacy. I hated making calls to the RE's office because I was afraid everyone would hear. I don't worry much anymore about it, which is nice.

When we had our first cancelled cycle back in January, I went to work after my appointment and was crushed. I had already told my supervisor and after an hour I was crying and just wanted to go home. All I had to do was write her a note asking if I could leave. That was nice. I wrote the note because I knew I wouldn't get the words out without balling. I am so grateful for my work environment.

BunnyBerry · May 2014

@stacylh24 That's awesome! It sounds like it is a huge help to have supervisors who understand and coworkers who know what you're going through. It's also amazing that your supervisor knew and cared enough to recommend you seek treatment. Lol about the phone calls at work, I have my own classroom but I try to wait until the woman across the hall is away. I'm also pretty sure the staff are used to the very nonspecific code words we have to use when we call sometimes.

Good luck with your IVF consult this week! Perhaps with overresponding to meds, does that make you a great candidate for IVF success?

StacyLH24 · May 2014

@BunnyBerry- Our RE seems to think so. He said he believes I have a 60% chance of giving birth to a healthy baby through IVF. He thinks I should be able to produce a double digit amount of follies. I'm anxious for the consult so that I can get a better idea of what will happen.

BunnyBerry · May 2014

@stacylh24 That's great news! Good luck.

lebradford · May 2014

I started a new job in September (before we were having TTTC) and I found out one of my closest coworkers conceived her twins through IVF. I have been very open with her about what we've been going through, and in fact she knows much more than even our family. It's just so nice to have one IRL person to talk to about it. Because she has twins, people kind of figure out in conversation sometimes that she went through infertility, and she said a couple other of our coworkers have mentioned to her that they also went through infertility. It's amazing how many people around you are going through (or have gone through) the same thing, but you just don't usually know.

jjgrl55 · May 2014

I definitely agree with PP, it's amazing to find out the reality behind some of the BFPs we here about and are jealous of- not all of them came so easily.

At a small party I went to recently, I met a girl who was definitely dealing with IF and was in the first stages of adoption. It's such a weird moment when you make this sudden connection with someone over something so hidden and personal, and for just a bit you feel less alone.

BunnyBerry · May 2014

lebradford said:

It's amazing how many people around you are going through (or have gone through) the same thing, but you just don't usually know.

Yes, definitely!

BunnyBerry · May 2014

jjgrl55 said:

It's such a weird moment when you make this sudden connection with someone over something so hidden and personal, and for just a bit you feel less alone.

So true!

rella22 · May 2014

***pregnancies mentioned/not mine****

This is interesting because I'm a teacher as well and pregnancies seem like a constant in my school. In fact...the whole hallway (except for me
of course) was pregnant at the same time. Just last week they had a joint baby shower for 5 teachers (I missed that day...darn). One of the teachers tried for less than a year...managed to get her ob/gyn to prescribe her clomid (only monitored with bloodwork, no u/s) and on month 2 she was pregnant! Although I'm happy for her...it is annoying when she acts like she knows what I'm going through. I've been trying for years...I wish I could have taken 2 months of clomid and TI and got a BFP...

BunnyBerry · May 2014

@rella22 Oh my, I can't imagine the whole hallway pregnant! How awful to be left out of that. Smart to miss the baby shower day. I'm sorry, clearly that teacher must have been truly scared and stressed with taking a while to conceive, but I wish she could understand that your 2.5 years without any luck are a whole different ball game with the fears of infertility. Well, I see that you just switched to an RE...I hope it makes all the difference for you! Good luck in May.

rella22 · May 2014

@BunnyBerry‌ thank you! it was tough...especially when you constantly get asked when you're going to join the party! and I guess I could be more understanding...it's not that I would want ANYONE to go through what I am...but I hate the whole "I totally understand" comment when 9 times out of 10 they don't! That's why I love this board and the support...so thanks!

theholmanherd · May 2014

If I came across someone like that at work, I might divulge a little and offer support. Where I work, however, it's mostly single people. The one other married girl there is a good friend of mine and she knows we want kids but nothing more. Small town. Lots of gossip, so I'm careful about giving anything away.

BunnyBerry · May 2014

@theholmanherd Yes, I naturally feel comfortable divulging especially if people are going through something similar, but gossip is a scary thing! You never know for sure who is discreet. One of these co-workers clearly is very open, so when she asked me about my appointment at lunch today, I was very vague. Hopefully she realized I don't want to talk in front of any other random coworker. But I plan to find a time we can get together.

lilmamapanther · July 2014

I have two co-workers going thru IF. The actually recommended the RE I'm scheduled to see on the 17th. I have been trying the my obgyn, but after lurking here I started looking for RE. ***child mentioned not mine**** one of my co-workers gave birth too her little girl thru the RE. It gave me hope that the RE I'm now going has at least one success story I know personally.

shirleymaeby · July 2014

My previous boss had three miscarriages within a year. I was the only one at work she told and we really bonded over the problems we were facing. We became best friends. She is currently pregnant again and probably the only pregnant woman I know that I'm not completely jealous of. I really want this one to be the one that sticks!

Another co-worker on my team is also dealing with IF issues. Her hubs was azospermatic (sp?) so they decided to do IUI with DS. She tried 6 times with no success so now they are looking into embryo adoption. It's nice to have another person in the office to talk to about fertility treatments and hormone problems.

emmuffy · July 2014

* child mentioned *

I also have co-workers who have been through IF issues. One had two children through IUI, and the other eventually adopted. I find that if you are open about your experiences, you will find that many people around you have been through similar processes. Although I'm not particularly close with these co-workers, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

BunnyBerry · July 2014

@lsantay Wow that male coworker overstepped waaay beyond appropriate bounds! Would you feel comfortable telling him off in a gentle way?

@kmdecoux That's awesome that you're able to be there for each other at work.

BunnyBerry · July 2014

@lsantay Wow, so sorry. Who is that rude and dense? Sounds like he is just a jerk. Good luck with your visit to the doctor this month!

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