Feeling selfish, but feeling guilty about it. A vent.

jasperc0748 · May 2014

Currently I am nearly 36 weeks pregnant. Throughout the pregnancy my mom has been my main support…I am in my second year of college and so now all of a sudden my family had huge doubts of me being able to finish. Yet- my mom has been there the whole time telling me that it'll be okay. My boyfriend had an agriculture job, so he really can't get off work for most things, so my mom has been there for the important appointments and decisions that he hasn't been able to be there for. My mom's addiction with medication has been getting severe lately…to the point where she almost overdosed. She decided yesterday after weeks of us telling her that she needs help before she hurts herself, that she needed to check into treatment. It is an inpatient 28 day program. I'm really happy that she is getting help because she really needs it, but I'm also scared to death and upset that she is gone. I know a lot of people go through pregnancy completely alone and that is what is kind of keeping me going, knowing that I was lucky enough to have her this long. My emotions go from relieved to frustrated to angry, to many more emotions and then ultimately I feel selfish and guilty. She doesn't know if they will allow her to leave in order to be at the birth and that is very disappointing to me because more than likely, unless he is overdue, she won't be able to be there. There are a lot worse things that could happen, I know, and I really give props to any woman who goes through pregnancy feeling alone or without her mother, her S.O, or who she feels is her best supporting. I don't know how you do it because I feel broken after it being only a day. I'm praying for her full recovery so that she can get home and meet her first grand baby and be able to remember it the next day.

shesamommy · May 2014

Be the support for your mom. 28 Days and a healthy mom will be far more beneficial for the future. You want her to be around for you and her grandchild. Talk to your SO or other family members for support while your mom is being treated.

I'm military with a husband on the other side of the world right now so I understand wanting your support but appointments by yourself aren't that bad and your almost ready to deliver so get your family involved if you can.

jasperc0748 · May 2014

You ladies with military men, I have no idea how you do it. You are SO STRONG! It isn't so much the appointments that bother me as the her not being there when he is born. I can't even imagine what you have to go through, because the other side of the world is a lot further away than being able to have visitation hours one hour away from home. I pray for you and your husband, and thank him greatly for his service in the military.

And thank you for the support. You are completely right. It will be better in the long run for her to be healthy as hard as it is right now.

Emilyfae · May 2014

Thanks @jasperc0748‌, you sound like you're a strong lady who understands your own feelings even if they're confusing. I'm in a kind of similar situation. My mom has been my rock throughout this pregnancy since my DH is military and away. I finally got to move out to be with him at 30 weeks making me 3000 miles away from my mom and anyone I know. He left two days after I arrived for a long training. I'm completely alone in this new town with no one. I cried yesterday and thought I was going crazy.
What you're feeling sounds very normal and I would suggest calling someone everyday (friend, family member, hot line) for a long talk. Or get a cat. I have two that are being flown out next week.

PrimRoseMama · May 2014

Your mom is getting help. That will allow her to be functional & healthy for herself & her grandson. It's normal to feel conflicted, but she is doing a solid by getting into recovery.

Talk to your OB. You can get into NA (Narcotics Anoyomous) to find support. There are family meetings. This is a family addiction/situation.

Your mom cannot be there for you right now. I'm sorry. She needs to focus on herself.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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bazingaa · May 2014

I'm sure it is really tough, but think long term. You will value and cherish your moms support and help for years to come if she can overcome her struggles now. If you think of it that way chances are you would gladly 'trade' the next 28 days for the next many years. Hang in there! You can do this!

JuneRunner14 · May 2014

Now you are the mom. You are going to be there for the baby. Maybe think of it that way. Plus, what a wonderful Grandma she is going to make and I bet that your baby helped her to make such a fantastic decision. You will be OK. It will all go just fine and you will be happy in the long run. Can your SO not be at the birth? I think I missed that part...or if not your SO, do you have a best friend or family member who you would want there? In any case, you are strong and you will get through this!

jasperc0748 · May 2014

Thank you everyone! It's nice to hear other people's perspectives. They are now saying that as long as she completes two weeks of the program they will allow her to be in the delivery room, she just needs to go back afterwords. Everything is falling into place!