One reason I haven't told people... The "look" we get...

SoxFan777 · May 2014

So we are still early, but we haven't told anyone at this point, even my parents who we are Rey close to and were with this weekend. It's partly because we're just not ready, but also I remember my third pregnancy and when I told family, I just got a "well, we'll have to wait and see" type responses. I don't want people to "wait and see". By the time I tell you, I'm excited about my pregnancy and you should be, too. Even DH had that response with this pregnancy... He made me take pregnancy tests till they were noticably darker. He's exited NOW, but it did take awhile.

Anyway, just another occupational hazard of being pregnant after a loss I guess. Has anyone else found this to be true, either with this pregnancy or other ones? Did it make you tell people either less frequently or later than you would have otherwise?

Pmmama · May 2014

Yes! I have been very cautious in who I have told also. I've actually gotten really pissed at people for asking if I was bc I felt like, when I know it's all good, then I will tell you. This way I can be excited too. That's a moment I really look forward to and feel like friends who ask (constantly) are taking that away from me. I didn't want to even want to tell my husband until month 3!! But, that would be kind of impossible. I just wanted to be really excited to tell him and jump up and down like other girls do..Instead I had to preface "don't get excited yet.." Ugh, PGAL really stinks!

jess123456 · May 2014

Yes we haven't told yet either and I'm 13 weeks. It just seems like so much pressure and I want my family to be able to get excited too. I know they would be thrilled but I guess I'm just nervous that they would be holding their breath too since we have told and untold so many times. I know there is no "safe zone" so there is no good time to tell but I guess waiting a little longer will make it feel more real to me so maybe to them too? Being PGAL really messes with your head for sure. Please know that you aren't alone.

voplo · May 2014

Yeah same here. Even when we told my father, we already had 3 ultrasounds, and he still said "we'll see if this is the one". It quite hurt my feelings when he said that. So this time around we only told family and a few closed friends. We won't be doing an "announcement" until the baby is born. We both feel more comfortable with that.

mrsbtobe20122 · May 2014

Not related.... But I've been mostly bumping mobile--- I didn't know you were back Sox!!! Congratulations!!! I'm very happy to see you here, and I can assure you no flucked up looks coming from this direction

Cryssteen · May 2014

I'm still early (6w4d) and don't even have my first US for another week. My betas look good though. It took 6 months after our loss to get pregnant again. I should be jumping for joy. But I'm so nervous.. like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. What's worse is that I was cleaning and came across DH's hiding spot where he puts every gift or dirty movie that he doesn't think I know about. And he had hidden there, a book called something like "Your Pregnancy Companion" which takes you week by week through the process. Obviously a gift for me, but one that I'm sure he purchased when I was pregnant before the loss. He's clearly too scared to give it to me. He's not showing any excitement and is basically acting as if nothing is happening yet. Not in a cold way, but in a cautious way, I guess. He's terrified that we will have to go through that again. So am I, but I DO want to be excited and happy. God! I'm tearing up writing this. ugh.

ToriGirl2014 · May 2014

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Very few people know about our loss and all who do didn't find out until after the fact.

We decided to hold off telling our parents until after my 12 week U/S. I have a feeling that when that time comes I'll tell MH I want to wait again.

It's one thing for you & YH to feel anxious and scared. It's another thing entirely to feel pre-judged by others that you or your body is going to fail.

RayRay007 · May 2014

My parents, sister and nana are all happy and excited, but with a healthy dose of realism. They understand why I'm still a little cautious about things. I appreciate that though because if there is bad news I know I won't be absolutely crushing them. On the other hand the ILs were jumping up and down excited, and don't understand why were aren't telling everyone yet (I had a missed mc that was discovered at 13 weeks after we told a lot of friends and extended family- don't want to do that again), and they are already counting on take-home babies, planning this and that... I'm glad they're happy but man, if there's bad news they are really going to be devastated and I wish they were being a little more cautious at this point.

SandSunBliss · May 2014

I had this reaction to our own pregnancy! I was kind of in disbelief for a while. I thought everyone would have this reaction too, but most people were excited, which I wasn't sure what I do with initially!! Lol. So I guess we are opposites

.

Friends have been very attentive and protective of me this go around. I think everyone just wants so badly for this one to turn out well because they have seen my DH and I completely broken before... We are really really excited now, but I may have been one of the last to warm up to the idea. Haha.

If it helps, I am super excited for you!!!

Mvvs82 · May 2014

I know exactly what you are going through because that is what I am going through right now as well. I am too scared to get too excited about being pregnant. With my last one I didn't know the baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks when I went in for my 3rd ultrasound during my 11th week. It was so heartbreaking! My husband says we have to take it one step at a time and keep praying. We have no control over this.

toomanycats1 · May 2014

We've been waiting for this reason as well. I'm 16 weeks now, and thinking I'll have to tell soon since I'm getting bigger. I've definitely found comfort in waiting though.

amwangel · May 2014

Yep. I told my family at 11 weeks and my the first thing my mom said was, "Are you past the point of the losses?"

I think we're all scared to get excited at first after two early losses, family included. :-/ It really stinks to have the excitement lessened, but the good news is that now I'm 33 weeks and my family is SUPER excited.

princezjk · May 2014

It is so hard when those close to us have such hesitation and anxiety for our pregnancies. As I told someone, I am plenty nervous for this baby, I don't need anyone else to be worried! DH and I have made an effort to express how excited we are. For us, even having a baby shower is a way to tell people to get excited, because we are. Though it stinks, I think sometimes we have to lead by example. I just think of it as the first step in mothering for my little guy. (((Hugs))) and I hope when you decide to announce you get nothing but positive feedback!

megbmeg · May 2014

I'm sorry you're getting those disheartening looks. I assume it comes from a place of love, but it isn't very fun. I remember with my second pregnancy (which I also lost), that I felt really robbed of the joy of getting pregnant & looking forward to baby, and sharing that joy with other people was part of that loss. It feels like one more thing to mourn, actually. This time, we still told our parents right away and like @sandsunbliss I was the one holding back. They were pretty ecstatic still (of course scared, but also ready to celebrate) while I wasn't really ready yet. I'm feeling more enthusiastic now, but it has taken a while. Honestly, when I first saw my BFP, the first thing I said was, Sh**! Even though I wanted it more than anything, I just felt so scared.

I suppose my point is that this is a hard thing to go through for everyone, and we can't always predict how we'll react or how our loved ones will either. I hope yours can find the courage to celebrate with you wholeheartedly!

rakle99 · May 2014

Last time I told a lot of people right away and was so glad for the support when we lost it. This time I'm holding off, but mostly because I don't want the judging because I got pregnant 2 weeks after the d&c. I've told my boss and our parents, but I don't know when we will tell everyone else.

SoxFan777 · May 2014

mrsbtobe20122 said:

Not related.... But I've been mostly bumping mobile--- I didn't know you were back Sox!!! Congratulations!!! I'm very happy to see you here, and I can assure you no flucked up looks coming from this direction

Aw, thanks @mrsbtobe20122 I'm happy to be back! Man you are so close! I hope you're feeling great. I'm still catching up. Notice I haven't even changed my siggy yet. I just don't feel ready! Sad, I know, but I'll change it when I feel comfortable. I had a positive u/s on Friday so I'll post an AW post about that with a few questions soon. Glad to see you!

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · May 2014

Absolutely. I actually told my mom the day I POAS and I believe her response was that she "got excited last time". It totally crushed me because I wasn't prepared for a response like that. After that, we I didn't tell anyone else until well after first tri was over.

mrsbtobe20122 · May 2014

mrsbtobe20122 said:

Not related.... But I've been mostly bumping mobile--- I didn't know you were back Sox!!! Congratulations!!! I'm very happy to see you here, and I can assure you no flucked up looks coming from this direction

Aw, thanks @mrsbtobe20122 I'm happy to be back! Man you are so close! I hope you're feeling great. I'm still catching up. Notice I haven't even changed my siggy yet. I just don't feel ready! Sad, I know, but I'll change it when I feel comfortable. I had a positive u/s on Friday so I'll post an AW post about that with a few questions soon. Glad to see you!

FX for a great scan!!! I'll be looking for an update!

Sweetiepops · May 2014

I hear you. With my first pregnancy (loss) we told our immediate families before my first u/s and at the u/s we found out the baby had stopped growing a couple of weeks earlier. With this one, we waited until after my first u/s where we saw a beautiful heartbeat to tell our immediate families. When I told my MIL, her response was "well I'm not getting my hopes up yet..." It really hurt my feelings. I almost wished I had waited until 13 weeks. However I went on vacation with them when I was 9 weeks so would have been hard to explain my daily morning vomiting! My couple of close friends were super excited for me, and that's the response I was hoping for from my family.

esmith10 · May 2014

I totally understand. We didn't even tell our parents until after out NT scan at 13 weeks. I think we told close family around 14 weeks and when I told my SIL (who, btw, pestered my MIL to tell her I was pg the first time). Didn't even offer congratulations until after she realized I was out of the 1st tri.

I think if I wouldn't have had my m/c I would have been public about my pregnancy, but I'm keeping this one very close to the vest. I'm just not as naive as I was before, and to me pregnancy is an amazing but scary thing. I just started telling close friends at home around 24 weeks and that's ONLY because they were about to get a shower invite. Obviously the people I see regularly know because of my bump, but I plan to go "public" on FB with the news after the baby is born.

sweetpea2003 · May 2014

Yea, we haven't told anyone either and won't until after the NT scan. After that, I'll tell my immediate family and very close friends. I have no plans to tell anyone else until after the 20 week mark. I hate the pity. And with some family members, the hurt I receive when they don't acknowledge my loss is worse than them just not knowing. My in-laws last year treated my miscarriage like it was just a blip on the radar with absolutely no emotional response whatsoever. So obviously the thought of sharing a new pregnancy with them makes my skin crawl.

longcat07 · May 2014

i don't understand why people just can't be happy. i'm sorry you're getting those looks and responses. i don't really have the issue of wanting to wait because my folks won't be excited though. they've never been excited for anything major in my life in the past, so i've just come to not expect it at all from them. other people, however, usually are, and nobody should be robbed of that.

megaddie · May 2014

I cried when I had this positive because I was so scared. All three times, I've told pretty early. I can't help it--I'm a chronic over sharer, plus I was super sick and everyone at work knew I was trying still. No one has been anything but sure this one would work out (except me!)...but people at work ask how far along I am and seemed super relieved after I hit about week 13.

SamanthaLaura16 · May 2014

I just found out yesterday but I have told some family members because they have been following me through my first monitored cycle. It is definitely harder this time around. The first time I did all these cute little things and made cards and stuff to tell people but this time I am just saying I got a positive test this was my first beta and just keep sending positive vibes my way. My family definetly is happy for me but the responses are definitely more low key than last time. I guess it has not really bothered me just because I feel the same way. I am really trying to be excited but I am scared shitless.

dragonfly711 · May 2014

So glad to see you back!!!!!!!!!!

We told people the first time I think a week before I Mmc a year ago feb. Mmc at 11 1/2 weeks

This time we waited until 2 nd tri. I think I was 14 weeks. I told my mom right away same day we found out along w my best friend.

It is so hard PgAL. First tri was so hard always worried. It is natural to be worried,scared.

So happy for you feel free to PM me if you need to chat!!!!

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