LGBTQ Multiples Check-In (maybe? weigh in)

Manada · May 2014

Some people mentioned in the other thread I started that they'd be into having a multiples check-in. I've considered it before myself, but also didn't want to distract from our awesome Pregnancy/Parenting check-ins as a group, or the other group things.... that said - there are a few of us, so maybe?

My impetus today was mostly me getting mad at my Baby Center app for telling me I may be in that place where I'm "too big for my regular clothes and too small for maternity clothes" - Uh NOOOO, you're about 10 weeks too late on that one BC, with your singleton-bias and no options to customize!

Plus I sort of get a kick out of making polls and it's a bit slow in my office today....

What do you guys think? Put yer comments below!

StacyLH24 · May 2014

Obviously C and I have no kiddos yet, but when we get to the ET stage, we plan to transfer two. That doesn't guarantee twins I know, but if we end up with two, I would participate.

2MamazInSeattle · May 2014

@Manada, I accidentally downloaded the Indian version of the BC app, which seems to reference twins almost every other day. See if you can find that (my tip off was in the first tri, to try "samosas or chaats for morning sickness). It's rather hetero-focused ("As her husband, please don't look at other attractive specimens as she is gaining weight and may not feel god about her body..." LOL!).

Anyhow, my two cents on the checkin is that fundamentally, there are 4 currently pregnant and I know a few more parenting which isn't a ton of people really, and if I had multiples, I think I'd personally rely on the multiples board for a way bigger sample size if I had questions or wanted input on the multiple aspect of my pregnancy (but of course, this is hypothetical).

I don't at all want to diminish the difference of having twins vs. one (like, hello, a whole other HUMAN is in the mix!) - but I'd vote that checking in with the bigger groups on the Monday check-ins lets us all be a part of your journeys. And, I think the other multiple moms do pipe in on multiple-focused questions so there is input and support it seems anyhow, and of course anyone is free to create a separate post if they have a targeted question or issue. Just my two cents - but for, me, I kinda like that we have Mondays being loaded up with TTC/pregnancy/parenting check-ins, plus the other daily threads as-is.

However, whatever happens is cool. Just my 2 cents!

Manada · May 2014

Hi Everyone,

Interestingly enough - it would appear that there's a pretty strong desire for a multiples check-in on here - and a slight feeling by others without multiples that they are worried that it will distract from the community. Fair enough, but I think that as long as people want to keep it going, it's worth it.

Maybe it shouldn't be on Mondays though, I agree that it's a bit weighed down on those days, My personal choice would probably be to choose either a Wednesday or a Friday, but that's mostly because I don't usually do WFD Wednesday or GTKY Friday. Maybe I'll just post something next week and we'll see who participates -- sound good? Anyone want to lead the check-in?

2momsinCA · May 2014

@manada sounds good! I value the pregnancy check in on Monday and love hearing how everyone is doing, regardless of how many they are expecting. A multiples only discussion would also be interesting so I look forward to that. Especially since I don't especially feel near as at home on the multiples board as I do here.

@2MamazInSeattle‌ I love the chaat and samosas for morning sickness recommendation! That's awesome! And are there just more multiples in India? Strange that the mention twins so much more often than the other app.

ball.and.chain · May 2014

I'm with @2MamazinSeattle...doesn't really seem necessary to me. Personally, I do feel like you can have too many check ins. If there is a check in that doesn't apply to me (Induced Lactation, Multiples) or one that I just don't have as much of a stake in (Gender Open Parenting), I will tend to just ignore them. Which is fine, but I wonder if that means that I miss out on some of the conversation on induced lactation, multiples, gender open parenting, etc that might have otherwise occurred in the Parenting or Pregnancy threads and that I could learn something from. Discussion of these issues has always been welcome on the Parenting and Pregnancy threads, so I wonder why there is really a need to separate them. If someone has a burning question about raising multiples and they want input from both parents of multiples and those pregnant with them, they are always welcome to start a brand new thread to ask their question. It's not as if everything needs to be in the context of a check in.

When I joined this board in 2011, there weren't separate check ins for TTC, Pregnancy and Parenting. There was a TTC/Parenting thread in which everyone checked in about the status of their kids, pregnancy or TTC journey. As more people joined the board, we had a lot of pregnancies and a lot of people (myself included) struggling to conceive, and splitting them up was a nice way of giving TTCers a way to avoid hearing about pregnancies if it was difficult for them. It was about creating a safe space, but I don't feel like the Pregnancy and Parenting threads are NOT safe spaces in which to discuss multiples...you know?

In the end, I am not pregnant with or a parent of multiples, so I would not participate in the thread; if people who are pregnant or parenting multiples want the thread (which appears to be the case), then by all means go ahead with it! I just wanted to explain why I chose #3 above.

healz413 · May 2014

One of the reasons that I think a multiples check-in or discussion would fill a niche is because it would be a space for both those who are parenting and those who are pregnant. The current check-ins provide a good space for parents of multiples to talk to each other and for those pregnant with multiples to talk to each other but not the cross conversations.
I think it could work well starting out as a biweekly check-in. I think that with it happening only once every two weeks, it would encourage everyone to continue to see the Monday check-ins as the places for everyone to check in every week so that a multiples check-in would not detract from those Monday check-ins.

Also, looking at the results, it appears that of the people who've responded, those pregnant with or parenting multiples want a check-in (it's also possible some not pregnant-parenting multiples have said yes) and those who are not pregnant with or parenting multiples have concerns or don't see the need. As a result, I think it is worth giving a multiples check-in a try to see if it helps meet some of the self-expressed needs of some members our community while also trying to address the concerns of those members of our community who don't want to lose the full power of Monday check-ins. I think doing a biweekly, non-Monday check-in/discussion will allow us to do both.

As M said, we can always drop it or make it less frequent if folks aren't getting what they want from it or if it doesn't feel good on our board.

firstcomeslove2013 · May 2014

I certainly don't want to lose you guys to a different thread and not see your check in on the pregnancy thread! That being said, if you PROMISE to keep checking in on Mondays, I am
totally okay with whatever check ins that people need! ;-) I feel as though this board is one of the only safe spaces for the LGBTQ participants and although we all can choose to participate in any other board, why not make it a safe and open space for any topic!

wishiwaspreggo · May 2014

I'm not pregnant (yet!) but with my protocol there is a real possibility of multiples for me should I finally get pregnant so I would appreciate the multiples check-in.

I've lurked on the multiples board on TB and was alarmed at some of the conversations that I don't feel will apply to me as a lesbian mom. Specifically, the lack of sleep and complaining about husbands not doing their share to help when the babies are in the infant stage. I didn't realize how common that was until I read through the thread and everyone was like "My husband/SO does the same thing! They'll get more involved when they're older."

Perhaps I'm wrong in that LGBTQ parents work differently but at least for C and I, we agreed we'd both alternate getting up and down to care for the baby(ies). Which would be even more important to me if we had a pair of babies to take care of.

I think we will have issues that straights don't have to deal with, and having more than two babies adds to the mix. We as LGBTQ parents already have to field intrusive questions, and I can imagine it will become even more of an issue if there are two babies and two moms. I hate intrusive questions and am already assembling my armor to deal with it, but if we have twins it's going to be even more we'll have to handle.

TL;DR - I would love to see a multiples check-in, even if I never participate if I get a singleton, just because I do feel issues will arise that are unique to LGBTQ folks with multiples that we may not feel as comfortable posting on the main multiples board.

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