I'll adopt you @missgpsu! Just bring all frilly things with you so we can play dress up with Bridgette and Olivia. >:D< it'll get better. You're almost at the end of the school year!
I've been feeling better the last week or so, but I think that is due to my upcoming trip "home". DD and I will be finally going to California and Oregon in two weeks. I'm really excited and really need this trip so I think my mood is up because of that. I've talked to one my best friends who is a licensed psychologist and she believes I have "regular" depression and not PPD. She lives in California, so we are going to try and see if she can help me with anything while I'm there.
I haven't reached out to get help up here like I should, but I'm going to take my trip and enjoy myself a bit. If I need to seek the help when I come back, I'm going to. (Most likely will, no matter what lol)
@trackgirlparis what part of California will you be visiting?
I'm not doing great lately. I haven't gotten in to see a doctor yet, laziness on my part. I really just hate doctors, and have had bad luck with therapists and such in the past, but I know that's not really an excuse.
My marriage is failing and a lot of the problems are based around my anxiety, depression, and low self esteem. I just feel stuck, like I know things need to change, but I just can't...
I recently got a Disneyland annual pass. In the past, I was able to overcome most of my anxiety by going to Disneyland. Even little things like asking an employee for help with something when I'm out are hard, and I get to practice stuff like that in what feels like a "safe zone". I can talk to strangers, I can let go of my fears of heights and such. So far I've gone twice, and it's not going to help overnight, but I think it can help. I'm trying to get back in touch with some of the friends I used to meet up with at Disneyland, and start feeling like a normal person again.
@britannycupcakes that sounds really tough. Maybe it's time to get to a professional for help. What's your hesitation?
It's never easy to take that first step in seeking help, but it's necessary. It's uncomfortable, it's scary, and it's hard as shit, but you can't hope away all the other stuff. You will feel so much better and you deserve to feel good every day (or at least most days). No one should have to walk around with the weight of those feelings on their shoulders. Do it for your LO, your husband, but most of all do it for yourself.
@trackgirlparis when will you be in oregon? will you be in portland? h and i have been talking about mini road tripping sometime soon.
I will be in Portland, but I will seriously have no time to get together My flight out is out of PDX and I'll be going out bar hopping with my two friends in PDX but that's it. I wish I had more time to see people (like @nbcarlson too)! Every minute of my visit is basically planned and accounted for.
Sucks too, my layovers are both in SEA but they aren't long enough to see you. I already was trying to figure out how I could make that happen!
@trackgirlparis when will you be in oregon? will you be in portland? h and i have been talking about mini road tripping sometime soon.
I will be in Portland, but I will seriously have no time to get together My flight out is out of PDX and I'll be going out bar hopping with my two friends in PDX but that's it. I wish I had more time to see people (like @nbcarlson too)! Every minute of my visit is basically planned and accounted for.
Sucks too, my layovers are both in SEA but they aren't long enough to see you. I already was trying to figure out how I could make that happen!
@trackgirlparis when will you be in oregon? will you be in portland? h and i have been talking about mini road tripping sometime soon.
I will be in Portland, but I will seriously have no time to get together My flight out is out of PDX and I'll be going out bar hopping with my two friends in PDX but that's it. I wish I had more time to see people (like @nbcarlson too)! Every minute of my visit is basically planned and accounted for.
Sucks too, my layovers are both in SEA but they aren't long enough to see you. I already was trying to figure out how I could make that happen!
This week I've seen a lot of improvement in myself. We moved houses 2 weeks ago out into the 'burbs and its a lot easier to get out of the house with LO and walk around outside. I basically would never leave the house in my old neighborhood and now I've done it several times already at the new house. It feels like a huge step for me and even my husband commented how happy he was that I was getting out of the house. I know its good for LO too.
I had my Mom and her partner over on Sunday for Mother's Day- it was a bit stressful because of all the food planning, but when they got here, I relaxed and everything went fine. It's always the build-up for me in my head that is the worst. The self-doubt "omg, I can't handle this, we should just cancel" attitude.
Hopefully things will continue to improve. I'm really happy with my progress.
Getting outside really helps! Now that the weather is getting nicer, hopefully you'll have more opportunities to be outside. I know once you've done something successfully it makes you feel more confident in doing it again.
@trackgirlparis when will you be in oregon? will you be in portland? h and i have been talking about mini road tripping sometime soon.
I will be in Portland, but I will seriously have no time to get together My flight out is out of PDX and I'll be going out bar hopping with my two friends in PDX but that's it. I wish I had more time to see people (like @nbcarlson too)! Every minute of my visit is basically planned and accounted for.
Sucks too, my layovers are both in SEA but they aren't long enough to see you. I already was trying to figure out how I could make that happen!
booooo.
I know each layover is just about 2 hours, but with being "international" travel, I have more crap to do between flights. I sawry
Things are going okay. DH changed jobs, we bought a house and moved into it. All of those things were huge stressors and all I wanted was a Xanax (well multiple Xanaxes).
Moving day was tough, everyone was touching my stuff and that freaked me out. But I managed to keep it together.
DH got a raise and our insurance is better so we are prioritizing me getting more help. We also are joining a gym so I can workout and get a break from the girls.
Thanks for sharing everyone is makes me feel less alone.
I have been working out consistently, which helps a ton. And doc has me on 2 more months of meds and then I'm off. I think I'm ready but...
DH and I have been fighting a LOT lately and it is breaking my heart and so frustrating. I don't know if it is me or him or both of us. I think we are both really tired because LO has been having a hard time at night (I think teething is to blame but don't have any teeth buds yet) and that is causing us to bicker over stupid crap. He is also working a lot of overtime lately to get a big project finished and that is leaving no time to connect on a personal level with each other. I hope it isn't because I am an irritable bitch from depression, because then I probably shouldn't be stopping the meds...
Sigh. Why is life so hard?
In other news, my daughters are the most beautiful, sweet, adorable people I have ever met. I love them more than my heart can hold and I am so grateful for them in my life. I am beyond blessed and know that they are worth all the hormonal rollercoasters that bringing them into this world has brought on. I just need to find the best way to handle it all.
@BrittanyCupcakes I was the same way. My Disneyland was the gym. Took about a year (along with therapy) but I felt less scared all the time. It was so bad that I used to have panic attacks going to publix. I have no advice for the marriage problem though. I'm right there with you. I feel anxious and body conscious and I project those insecurities on DH working on that currently. Hugs mama
I went to the dr a couple weeks ago after breaking down and finally admitting I was having problems. I got DH to understand and his attitude toward me changed entirely, he was so understanding and supportive. The dr put me on a low dosage of Zoloft and it seems to be helping. I'm stepping down at work and this week I was down to 30 hrs from 40 and next week I start my 20 hr weeks! I'm so excited and even this week has helped so I'm really hoping the 20 hr weeks will be even better. I feel like I'm not so short tempered with everyone and don't get so angry and down all the time. Things are looking up! Thank you all so much for sharing your stories, you all are the reason I chose to get help!
Both kids got sick a few weeks ago and I had to cancel everything for two weeks. That helped me realize that I wasn't actually depressed/becoming depressed, I was just surrounded by assholes and judgy moms. Since then I have a lot more free time, have been working out more and feel so much better!
My husband and I are reconnecting and things are just good.
Re: PPD/PPA Check in
I hope you seek some professional help along with the awesome Disneyland therapy lol. I think you could really benefit from it.
Moving day was tough, everyone was touching my stuff and that freaked me out. But I managed to keep it together.
DH got a raise and our insurance is better so we are prioritizing me getting more help. We also are joining a gym so I can workout and get a break from the girls.
Thanks for sharing everyone is makes me feel less alone.
Eleanor 9.30.13
Eleanor 9.30.13
Eleanor 9.30.13
Things are looking up!
Thank you all so much for sharing your stories, you all are the reason I chose to get help!
My husband and I are reconnecting and things are just good.