Delivery Room

MissMandyD · May 2014

So I should preface this question by saying that my MIL is insane. And not the funny endearing kind of insane the nasty, hurtful, mean-spirited, manipulative, evil kind of insane. She regularly goes months without speaking to DH and hates me and has said more horrible things over the years about me than I care to remember. So my ILs are starting to talk about coming up for when the baby comes.

Now to the question...what are you all planning as far as who is in the room with you during deliver? Also wondering who is at the hospital or nearby and will be able to stop in but not stay?

noellemari · May 2014

DH and the medical staff. My parents and friends/family will, and are welcome to, visit.

Is your MIL asking to be there? Or are you concerned she'll be pushing her way in?

MissMandyD · May 2014

noellemari said:

DH and the medical staff. My parents and friends/family will, and are welcome to, visit. Is your MIL asking to be there? Or are you concerned she'll be pushing her way in?

They are suggesting that they will fly up for the delivery. I don't want them at the hospital at all.

Unknown · May 2014

This content has been removed.

noellemari · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

MissMandyD said:

noellemari said:

DH and the medical staff. My parents and friends/family will, and are welcome to, visit.

Is your MIL asking to be there? Or are you concerned she'll be pushing her way in?

They are suggesting that they will fly up for the delivery. I don't want them at the hospital at all.

Tell them that and tell them that NOW. Don't beat around the bush. Make your wishes very clear.

This! Be very clear. And if they are just going to show up, us L&D nurses are good at getting rid of unwanted family members.

DreadGamerWife · May 2014

DH, my Mom, and the seemingly 500 doctors, nurses, residents, interns, etc will be in the room. My Mom's role will be to provide relief to DH when he needs to take a break (get food, etc). She is also very laid back and more than happy to do anything we need her to do (and not try to do things we don't).

Mom will also be in charge of calling my family, but they all live several states away so they won't try to camp out at the hospital. They will probably fly up a few weeks later to meet Schroeder.

All of DH's family (almost all local) will be informed after Schroeder arrives and we have had time to settle in/start breastfeeding. If she arrives in the middle of the night, they won't be called until the following morning.

You can always tell your MIL that they only allow you DH in the room with you (aside from the staff). I know a lot of hospitals do limit the number of people in a room at any time.

Justabean3 · May 2014

No shame in being very picky about who comes!!

But yes tell them now and don't feel bad. They book flights and you will dealing with that too.plus no need to tell anyone when you are in labor but get DH on your page before all this goes down.

golfingdarwinfish · May 2014

DH and the medical staff will be in the room once it becomes time to push. Prior to that I don't mind having my mother pop in the room, and depending on how I feel, possibly my MIL, but we have a very good relationship. All the birthing rooms where I will be delivering have a full pull out sofa, but I will be refraining from sharing that tidbit with any of the grandparents-to-be!

We live in NY but my in-laws are in CT and my parents in NC, so there's a chance that none of the grandparents will make it there in time for the birth itself. My mother will likely stay with us beginning a week or so before my EDD, but if LO comes early, it will only be us!

I agree with PPs who stated that you should be upfront with your MIL earlier rather than later.

jesslinnn · May 2014

Just DH. We made it clear the first time around. If people want to sit in the waiting room, whatever (even though I'd prefer them not to)... but no one is coming into the room while I'm laboring and I want at least an hour after baby is born before anyone is allowed in.

MissMandyD · May 2014

Thanks ladies. Good advice all around. Thank you!

Raesofsunshine1 · May 2014

Only DH. My parents and his mom popped in when they got there but that was right after I had my epi and I was feeling good. As labor progressed I only wanted DH.

Justabean3 · May 2014

Not to mention birth is Beautiful (I actually thinks it's gross watching) but it doesn't mean you have to feel guilty about being picky on who sees the goods that no longer look like goods

I don't get why 1. People get so offended by not being invited 2. Why some DH's feel that if your mommy is there then his mommy has a right to be 3. Why they can't just respect you are giving birth and not literally having a party.

It is your choice

and I think it is sad when people have to argue or get feelings hurt. ( I'm in this boat also) I just want DH and my mom there because I throw up awful for 12 hrs after C-section. My BFF will be there but she is a professional photographer and taking pictures. DH's family and all his friends think they need to come stand in my room while I barf and try to breast feed. I'm putting my foot down this time and I don't care who gets mad!

ohioloveyou · May 2014

Probably just DH and me and docs and nurses for the delivery. No one's asked to be in the room yet, so haven't had to cross that bridge. But if they do, the answer will be a clear no.

raynes · May 2014

One of the joys of giving birth at 2am is that everyone else is home in bed!

That did not, however, stop my stupid father from stopping by when I'd been in labour for 12 hours and had just requested the damn epi.

Just DH and medical staff for delivery, and I think everyone else can just stay away until a little while after the LO is born.

lct2008 · May 2014

Just dh and the medical team.

MrsL2B · May 2014

It will just be my husband and the medical staff. I don't want to even let anyone know until the baby is out.

ladybug0088 · May 2014

So sorry about the MIL--DH doesn't talk to his family anymore because his mom was crazy and did all sorts of horrible mean things and tried to act like it was okay.

I'm slightly paranoid she will show up at the hospital when we have the baby because she showed up with her whole family in tow for our wedding uninvited.

As far as the delivery room goes, DH will be the only family invited in. My mom and dad said they plan to wait in the waiting area,and I really don't want my parents seeing "my bits." HAHA DH said he will stay to hold my hand and help me through it, but he is pretty firm that he does not want to cut the umbilical cord.

lrobi13 · May 2014

I have nothing to add other than fight for what you want and also work with the hospital staff to keep unwanted visitors out.

Best of luck!

Dani0329 · May 2014

Just DH and my doctors. Both Mom and MIL hinted at wanting to be in the room, but I politely said I only wanted my husband in there, but would welcome them into the recovery room.

atraveller · May 2014

MissMandyD said:

noellemari said:

DH and the medical staff. My parents and friends/family will, and are welcome to, visit. Is your MIL asking to be there? Or are you concerned she'll be pushing her way in?

They are suggesting that they will fly up for the delivery. I don't want them at the hospital at all.

Tell them that and tell them that NOW. Don't beat around the bush. Make your wishes very clear.

Agreed! - My friend had boundary issues and let her MIL invade the delivery time and it was hard for her. I wish I'd been there to block off her MIL. For us, just my DH and doctor - My MIL is fortunately very respectful of my privacy and boundaries and my folks are planning to come up the moment they hear I hit delivery but will probably not arrive till after baby is born. You should have the right to say who will and will not be in your delivery room and your MIL should just understand.

golfingdarwinfish · May 2014

Would your DH be able to talk to her and let her know that you made the decision together?

I just asked my DH over dinner if he will be offended if I do not let his mother in the delivery room and he was shocked by the idea of anyone other than (or in addition to) him being in the room period. I was pleasantly surprised by his response!

MissMandyD · May 2014

VCGolfNYC said:

Would your DH be able to talk to her and let her know that you made the decision together?

I just asked my DH over dinner if he will be offended if I do not let his mother in the delivery room and he was shocked by the idea of anyone other than (or in addition to) him being in the room period. I was pleasantly surprised by his response!

He doesn't want them there either. I think he will tell them when the time is right. Right now she isn't speaking to him so we shall see.

persephonerose · May 2014

We didn't want anyone at the hospital until the next day. We had some disgruntled family but they all respected our wishes. I was so glad for it too. I really needed that day to adjust to suddenly having a baby and there was so much else going on there is no way I would have wanted anyone else crowding in on my time.

The nurses were really good about asking if I wanted visitors and since all visitors have to be buzzed in they could easily keep people off the floor.

ANGnJON · May 2014

I agree with PP to be upfront & honest of your wishes for privacy! Our plan at this point is just DH & I during delivery! As the time gets closer I may decide to have my sister there during delivery but that is a big maybe!

SaphireShimmer · May 2014

Too bad your hospital rules aren't like mine. Only 2 support people are allowed during labor and delivery. And then only the babies siblings and grandparents are allowed to visit after birth in the hospital (and the 2 support people).

I will have DH there obviously. As for who else, didn't really have someone last time. MIL was the other named person and she came once while I was there to bring some stuff we wanted. And she was the first to meet DS as he was born after visiting hours. The support people are allowed to visit anytime. This time however, she will be watching DS so not sure if we will have a second person or not as my mom doesn't get a lot of flexibility with work. And I don't want my dad, step-mom or step-dad in there lol.

karenmichelle27 · May 2014

DH and my mom. The rest of immediate family are welcome to wait and visit before and after birth. I really want my sister in there too, but might be too many people!

MorganWP · May 2014

Last time I had my SO, mom and gramma (who raised me and is really more like a mother to me than my actual mom but thats a story for some other time) but my gramma left sometime during the screaming, she got too emotional to be of any support.

But leading up to the day my 'MIL' kinda pushed to be in the room which I said no to because I really did not want her anywhere near seeing me like that. They came to visit soon after though (and stayed a little too long IMO).

This time we havent really discussed it, but I think it will end up being just my SO and I.

In the case of how to tell your MIL not to be there, you could always just say that your hospital has a limit to the amount of support people, even if it doesnt, she wont know the difference.

MissMandyD · May 2014

VCGolfNYC said:

Would your DH be able to talk to her and let her know that you made the decision together?

I just asked my DH over dinner if he will be offended if I do not let his mother in the delivery room and he was shocked by the idea of anyone other than (or in addition to) him being in the room period. I was pleasantly surprised by his response!

He doesn't want them there either. I think he will tell them when the time is right. Right now she isn't speaking to him so we shall see.

wearenutts · May 2014

Just H and the medical staff. The first time I had my mom in there as well but H later told me he felt really uncomfortable with her in there. I want to respect his wishes as well and want him comfortable. Besides, this time we live 12-14 hours away from our families so I doubt anyone will get here in time to actually be there.

hippohat · May 2014

DH and I in the delivery room. Last time we had MIL and my parents wait at our house, we will probably do the same thing, especially because we need someone to watch DD! It worked out well - DH and I had time to recover after birth a little, and everyone came to visit in the postpartum room. We called them after we arrived at the hospital and confirmed that things were moving along, each had a 2 hour drive so it worked out nicely.

Set the rules now, and make sure the staff knows your wishes at go-time. I've heard of many instances where the staff helps keep unwanted family out of the delivery room.

k3montel · May 2014

DH and my mom were the only ones in the room for my first...MIL and dad knew everything that was going on, but we didn't let anyone in the room for 2 hours after DS was born. It was exactly what I wanted.

This time, I am having a RCS...last time, it ended up being an emergency c-section. DH will be the only one there for delivery. DS will be with my parents. We will call everyone when she is born, but I will definitely do the two hour thing again. It was good for us to bond as a family. Plus with this one, I want DS to meet her before anyone else.

Rickaroo922 · May 2014

With my son, my mom was there for some of labor and MIL popped in to tell me she was there. Other than that it was just DH. I ended up with an emergency csec, but the plan was just DH for delivery. I basically told everyone if you aren't the guy who helped get him in there or the guy getting him out, then you dont have to be there.

Last time, they were in my room when i got out of recovery. This time I dont want any visitors for ar least an hour after I get settled, and then my son gets to meet his little sibling first. I also told extended family no visitors in the hospital. Visit me at home, maybe bring a casserole instead of flowers and balloons.

meggiev123 · May 2014

Just DH and the docs. With DD we told my parents not to fly over until the baby was born and we were home for the hospital. For us it was important that we had our own immediate family bonding time in the first days. This time I may have my parents come before the birth to watch DD, and they could come visit once baby is born, but definitely not in the delivery room.

Good luck! As PPs said i would definitely make it clear to your in-laws, and also let the hospital know.

haboobjob · May 2014

Just planning for me and my DH.. and of course the medical staff to ensure the LO's safe arrival.

Be clear now when talking to your family about not coming in the room & visiting. I'm in my own little predicament because I was being kind and careful with feelings. It's your baby, your rules.

Best of luck!!!

MuffinMom14 · May 2014

My mom also is pouting about wanting to be in the room. She thinks we have a better relationship than we do, unfortunately. Every 6 or 8 months, she will cry and say "It feels like we are growing apart, you are pushing me away." Just because I don't call her every day crying because my asshole boyfriend abused me or dumped me, I guess, because yeah, I needed her then. I don't need her now, I'm a responsible adult with an amazing husband, and I am generally very happy and don't have much to complain or cry to her about. That's what she thinks closeness is. Me NEEDING her to fix things. I've tried explaining this, but she doesn't get it.

Anyway, I don't really understand her just assuming I'd want her there. Surely she realizes this is private (I'm prety private about my body) and I want that time with my husband? Also, it's not like her mother was with her, so I don't see why she would just assume.

I just told her no, that she can be there once I get an epidural if I'm comfortable, and she can be there after for a short time and she can definitely see the baby. But not labor. No.

MLE_C2B · May 2014

Just tell people the likelihood if pooping in the table, they'll just bow out themselves:)

bumpuser10309732 · May 2014

I wouldn't think that judging for the way you describe your relationship that she would think she was entitled to be in the room with you. And if so DH needs to set the boundary I feel like. My MIL is pretty respectful of my boundaries. I would also go as far as to say she's a little weird about it. It's self depreciating to a point that it pisses me off! I really don't think telling her no will hurt her feelings. She's neurotic and that's basically the only reason I don't want her in there. I need to feel supported and have people who calm me.

jenndub · May 2014

I only had DH in the room with me. His mom is a psycho and was insisting on being in the room for delivery. They aren't even close so I don't know why she was being so crazy. Then she didn't even show up at the hospital until the day after the baby was born. I stressed over nothing. Good luck!

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