Mourning the loss of a family member

jpmorring · May 2014

I'm 14 weeks pregnant. When I was 9 weeks pregnant, my mother passed away unexpectedly in her sleep. She was beyond estatic for her first grandbaby. I had told her 2 weeks prior; she called each day to ask how I was feeling, what foods I craved, etc. I miss that SO much.

I'm finding the thoughts of the ultrasounds, the fears, the joys I will experience, to be constant reminders that my mother isn't here. Don't get me wrong, I've been trying for this baby for 4 years, I just never thought I'd go through this for the first time without my mom.

Has anyone else experienced this? How can I cope with this, does it get any easier?

bf43005 · May 2014

I'm very sorry for your loss. It's never easy to lose someone you love. My Mom passed away just over 11 years ago. So I'm not in the same boat but this is my first baby, so she's not here for it either. She missed a lot of my life already, including my wedding. That always hurts. Those amazing moments you want to share and realize they aren't around. You will always miss that.

I struggled for years trying to understand why, but there aren't any answers. There is no moment when you just "get over it" you just realize one day you didn't cry today and then you cry because you didn't cry. The harsh truth is life is for the living. You can't bring her back, but you can honor her. If you are having a girl maybe try to incorporate her name into DD's name, like a middle name or something. You could write your Mom a letter/journal during your pregnancy so you are sharing with her like that. Anything that feels right to you. Just remember it's ok to cry even after people stop asking if you are ok and stop with the sympathy. Just because they moved on doesn't mean you have to as well.

Best of luck and sending you & your family my t&p

allrightmeow · May 2014

I just wanted to say that Im so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are dealing with. ((HUGS)))

spinsemeyer · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss.

tbarker14 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. Really it's hard when someone such as our parents leave so soon.
My Dad died unexpectedly when I was 22. Like the previous poster said there will be moments where you just break down and cry. It happened to me the day before my wedding. I just broke down. This is my first Child too... it's hard going through the big milestones but you do learn to grieve and learn to live as well.
We have decided if this LO is a boy we will be naming his middle name after my dad. If it's a girl we will honour my dad in another way. Since my dad had such an old fashioned manly name.
Some may believe that your mom is watching over you, some may not. Regardless what you believe, as you know life can be taken away suddenly. Just remember your mom was so excited for you to have a LO of your own. She wanted you to experience what she had with you. So cherish every moment you have.
Again I'm so sorry for your loss.

rlyttle · May 2014

I'm so sorry. I know your mom isn't physically there, but I'm sure she is there in spirit watching every move & seeing every ultrasound. Just try to think of all the good times & how lucky you were to have such a caring and loving mother. I just went to my grandmother's funeral this week (I know it's different when it's your mother) but the speaker said some really great things that made me think. He said that the sadness will be replaced with happiness when you can finally laugh about memories, remember special things about her, and look at special things around your home that remind you of her. I have rings & several quilts that my grandmother gave me. It warms my heart that those things will always be close by. Xoxo

Meery82 · May 2014

I have no advice but I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your loss.

alisonc87 · May 2014

This hits incredibly close to home for me. I am 24.5 weeks pregnant, and just lost my mom unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. She was healthy and helping with the baby's room, and exactly a week later we had to make a decision to let her go. Officially it was all caused by sepsis, but the sepsis was caused by uterine cancer that would not have had a good prognosis even if we could have gotten her systems up and working again. (She was being kept going with medications and a ventilator, and the medications and IV made it so she would need to have her left arm amputated and completely healed before they could even begin to treat the cancer) Needless to say, it was a long and hellish week, and the end result was even more painful.

This baby girl would have been her first grandchild, and she was so excited. She was going to be watching the baby when I go back to work, and we had planned before I even got pregnant that she would be named Catherine after my mom. My mom even managed to be the first person to feel the baby kick, only a few days before she got sick. We saw each other almost daily, and talked on the phone at least 2 or 3 times a day. I constantly pick up the phone to tell her the baby moved or kicked, or I found a cute outfit online, or we got something we needed to do checked off our list. Every time the baby moves, I get ready for an appointment, or we get another step closer to be ready for baby Cate, it is a reminder that she isn't with me anymore, and it kills me more than anything. As much as I miss her for me, it kills me that this baby won't get to know her.

I can't really say if it gets easier, although I've been told that it does. I had a friend who lost her father at 6 months pregnant tell me that it gets easier, but more importantly, you can make the best parts of your mom live on through how you raise your baby, and the values you instill in him or her.

Unknown · May 2014

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happyfrappy · May 2014

Hi there. I'm sorry for your loss. I don't have specific advice for you, I wish I did. I lost my dad when I was kid and when I had my son I felt that loss again in some way. All I can say is to try to find comfort in your loving family, spouse, and soon to be child. When I had my son I felt love a totally different way and I'm hoping you will experience the same thing. That brought me a lot of comfort as well. Be well and take care of yourself.

RachelC79 · May 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. My mother passed away when I was a baby, and though my father remarried when I was really young and my stepmother has been my mother since I was 2, I am still feeling my biological mother's loss more acutely now that I'm pregnant myself.

I wish I had more specific advice. Please just take each day one at a time and let yourself feel your emotions. I can also attest that you might find therapy helpful.

Michelleashby · May 2014

I am so sorry for your loss.. My father in law who I am very close with just got diagnosed with acute leukemia and we aren't sure what the prognosis will be. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Babycakes77777777 · May 2014

I'm sorry for your loss ...I lost my fiancé 3 months ago...and I noticed that the more I try not to think about the more I think about it the sadder I get...I was so depressed ...I focus now on the good times and memories and it makes me feel better ...hope this helps

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