WWYD - DH playing baseball this summer

sasky · May 2014

Sorry, this is long.

We'll be having the twins in late May or early June, and we also have a 4-year-old. DH is in a baseball league. His season starts late July and goes through September, they play either once or twice a week, games start at 6pm or 8pm. He had been telling me and others he would likely not be playing this year because we're going to be so busy with the kids.

Now he is thinking about playing. He's trying to work it out with his sister to come by and help on those nights. I love her, but I would feel guilty putting that on her. It's not her job, and she is very strict about her own personal schedule (gym on Tues, Thurs, takes a shower, makes dinner which takes her forever, etc. Can't waver from that).

I know this league is important to him, he's been playing for years, he's sad about missing out. He is a very hands on dad and I appreciate him so much. But should I be pushing back on him? Or am I making too much of a big deal about 1-2x per week for 2-3 hrs at a time? It's just not what I was expecting this whole time and he kinda sprung this on me.

ckred27 · May 2014

I would advise to let him play, but make sure YOU have an outlet to get of the house as well. We have 4 kids and I think my night out each week keeps me sane! Whether its a girls night out, or just a walk at the forest preserve or sitting at a coffee house reading a book. NEED that escape, and he does too! Its not too bad handling the kids on my own, but if I feel like I need back up I don't feel bad asking for it. If the person is busy or doesn't want to, then they can decline!

Manada · May 2014

My partner's playing ball this year, but we aren't due until October and their season wraps up normally by mid-September when the women who are in college go back to school. For us it means that I don't often go to her games (they often start at 8pm or 8:30 and we don't get home until at least 11pm from them).

That said - I would definitely try to get some help, I can't imagine trying to deal with two babies and get an older child into bed by a decent hour alone. If you don't want his sister to come, is there a way you can hire a local teen or college student or something to come for a bit to help you with the bedtime routine and be an extra pair of hands?

healz413 · May 2014

Unless he's staying home with the kids during the day all week, I think he should skip it and find a Saturday afternoon league for this year. Then you could take the kids out occasionally on Saturdays to the games and other fans can help watch them. Also, it would probably be much easier for you to find someone to hang out with you and help on Saturday (or Sunday) afternoons than once or twice a week in the evenings.

I am the aforementioned partner of @Manada and I can't imagine committing to a league while our babies were that young. I don't even think I'll play next summer much.

Obviously if you and your husband both agree that it is important to you that he play, I'm sure you can make it work. But from the perspective of someone who does play baseball and loves it, I also think it's skipable when your babies are young.

PurpleIris30 · May 2014

My husband is in a lot of different sports leagues, and he has continued to do one activity per week (but if there were multiple activities a week, he would just pick one). We have had no help and we work split schedules, because the girls couldn't go to daycare, so we are their only care providers and are used to taking care of them on our own. We don't have any other children though. I've encouraged him to keep doing it, so long as it is just one night a week.

sasky · May 2014

Thanks ladies. I'm leaning toward letting him play and seeking an outlet of my own also. He would totally encourage it.

One thing that also worries me is that I'll be on leave taking care of the babies all day while he's at work (with DS in school). He'll come home for an hour or two, and then I'm on my own again with an extra kid in the mix. I know it's only a day or two, but that sounds exhausting!

CameraBug131 · May 2014

My husband is currently in three basketball leagues. He is very hands on with the housework and does any task I ask of him. As a result, I can't see not letting him play. He says he will quit all three, but I know he doesn't want to. I told him he should continue 1-2 per week. I know I have my mom, who will help out if I need it. I also know that if I had a commitment (such as grad school or the gym) 1-2 times a week, DH wouldn't think twice. Lastly, he comes home from basketball in such a good mood. I think he needs that outlet and will be more focused when he is home as a result.

My opinion may change once the twins arrive, though!

raraavis28 · May 2014

Also Team He Should Play and You Should Do Something Too. Those early months are stressful and having a reasonable outlet can go a long way toward keeping your sanity and not feeling like you're losing yourself in babies. Definitely make sure you discuss your concerns, though, and work out an agreement about how he can help when not playing, what you can do to get out of the house etc.

As for solo-ing bedtime.....it won't be that bad. I only have the twins, but bedtime is honestly one of the easier parts of the day b/c it's so structured and predictable. By the time your H starts playing, you'll most likely have a routine down, so that will help a lot.

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