October 2014 Moms

Religion

Don't mean to get all deep but a couple of Jehovah witnesses just came to the door(same guy always rings the bell because we 're just too polite to ask him not to come back) Anyway, religion has been on my mind a lot. I'm Protestant and my husband is Catholic but we haven't gone to either church regularly. He was very involved in the church growing up and I've gone through phases where I've been good with attending church (was going to a Methodist church for a while-and felt good about it). We haven't gone in sooo long and now my MIL is kind of pressuring to convert to Catholicism so that my 7year old can convert and receive first holy communion, etc. Just don't know. I just don't know where to turn. I've tried different churches and once went to an Evangelical (think that's what you'd call it) where there was a big screen of the minister preaching, and people were speaking in tongues and jumping in the aisles, etc. Just didn't feel genuine to me (not to judge others who follow that religion-just wasn't for me). Anyway, rambling in here to see what is your religion/do you feel happy/fulfilled in that church, etc? Feel lost and sad the kids really don't know much about God.
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Re: Religion

  • Should also mention that dh has been disillusioned with the Catholic Church every since all the priest abuse came out so it's not really like he's adamant that we practice the catholic religion. He's also been disgusted at how they're so focuses on money when he has gone. He also feels like the priests just kind of go over the same old passages and don't really personalize the sermons. I found at the Methodist church the pastor did a pretty good job at applying biblical lessons to our everyday life/situations. I don't know-anyone have the perfect religion? Lol
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  • SusieBWSusieBW member
    I was raised Lutheran, but now wouldn't even consider myself a Christian.  I'm agnostic.  DH was raised Episcopalian, and will tell you he still is, but he hasn't set foot in an Episcopalian church in the entire 14 years I've known him.  Needless to say, DD has never been to church and doesn't have a religion.

    That aside, she has a "my first bible" with 5 or 6 bible stories in it, and we read them with her.  Our family celebrates Christian holidays and we tell her the actual religious reason for the holiday and talk to her about it.  For me, all religions are essentially the same at their most base level - all about good morals and ethics and kindness and charity, and I can say for a fact that we're raising our daughter with all of those values, so I don't feel as though her not participating in an organized religion is leaving any kind of gap in her life.  As she gets older and learns more about it, if she is interested in going to church or participating in any particular religion, I'll support her and even go with her to try it out - I'm not against organized religion, I just have yet to come across one that makes sense in my life.

    To answer your question, I feel fulfilled in my choices, but it definitely sounds as though you do not, and that you do feel as though there is a gap in your life.  I don't think anyone can really give you any advice as far as a particular religion that might suit you, I think you need to find that yourself.  Maybe consider trying out a few different churches near your home and see what might be a good feel for your family.  I think becoming part of a church is about more than just the religion or faith that the congregation has in common - it's about the community that forms around that faith.  Just because you're a Catholic, for example, the congregation in your neighborhood might not be a good fit for your family, kwim?  Good luck.
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  • I am not religious (anymore). When we got married I had offered to convert to Catholicism for my husband but he really did not care or practice the religion he was raised in.  We agreed that if later down the road we wanted to attend a church or religion became important we would find a non denominational church. Perhaps something like that would be a better fit for you guys?
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  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    edited May 2014
    I'm Catholic. :)

    I would suggest doing some research and some soul searching. See what makes sense to you, what you believe. Maybe sit IN some churches, talk to a priest, pastor, etc., and pray for guidance. You'll find your way.

    Conversion to Catholicism is not just something that you do on a sheet of paper so that you can participate in different church activities, etc., though. You really must believe all that the Catholic Church teaches...so your MIL pressuring you seems silly to me. Pray, research, see where you end up. :) Good luck!

    ETA: Feel free to send any questions you have regarding Catholicism my way. Even if it's something I can't answer, I have a copy of the Catechism sitting on my shelf, so I can look up the answer and get back to ya. ;)
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  • We are christian reformed. Have been attending the same church for 8 years together. Before that we attended the churches we grew up in. Dh did not grow up christian reformed. He was more nondenominational. We together found a church that we both enjoyed and got a lot out of. Our pastor is amazing and we actually enjoy his sermons and the other aspects of the church as well. I think the other posters advice had been good. We attended a bunch of different churches before becoming members of the church we attend now. Pray about it. Visit different churches. Talk to the people and the pastors. Get to know them and then decide where you fit. It takes time but I'm so glad we took the time because I've never been happier with a church. I pray you find a good church where you feel at home and where you can connect with others and learn more about God. Good luck!
  • This is a very tough one. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic schools K-12. I was confirmed Catholic because it's what my parents wanted, but I have been a "disillusioned Catholic" like YH since 10th grade. We had some personal issues in our parish that I don't want to get into here that caused a huge rift between me and the Church as a whole. 

    Hubz grew up with a Catholic mother and a Protestant father. They altered between Methodist and Catholic churches. He gravitates toward Methodist. We have been to a few Methodist Churches in our area to get the feel for them. 

    I'm not satisfied with my position on religion. I have a lot of soul searching and reflecting to do, but I am feeling pressured to pick a church in which to raise our child. Catholic guilt is real and brutal. 

    Ditto PPs. "Shop" around. Check out different sects and different churches. Sit in on services and talk to members/leaders. Have this conversation with your friends and see what they say. 

    Best of luck to you both. 
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  • DH and I were both raised Catholic but "left" the church; me during college when I found that my ethical and academic beliefs trended away from the church and I was in opposition for much it stood for and advocated.  DH left a bit later, but mainly because he was incredibly concerned about upsetting his father.  His parents were "hardcore" Catholics, though that has been wavering.

    At this time I am agnostic and DH is an atheist. 

    I wouldn't feel said that your children "really don't know much about God".  They do not have to be vigilant members of an organized religion to "know" God.  I would counter and say they do not know the teachings of specific organized religions, and personally, I would not take issue with that.  We will teach our child morals and ethics and give them the opportunity to learn about multiple religions rather than indoctrinating them in a specific organized religion from birth.
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  • I'm Jewish and my DH is Catholic and neither of us follow or practice our religions. We are spiritual to some degree, but not religious. We have decided that we are probably going to teach our child about both and let him/her decide if they want to follow either path. We are going to skip the usual religious ceremonies - baptism, bris (if its a boy), barmitzvah, communion, etc..... as we think its sort of all or nothing and having all would be a lot - and would require us to join a church and a temple and we do not wish to do either. We will celebrate big holidays on both sides and not hide religion from our child, just not promote it either. But that is our path and our choice - and I think you just have to look inside and follow your heart in terms of what you really believe and what you wish to teach your child. There is no wrong decision or answer here. It is all very subjective. My two cents anyways.

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  • lrobi13lrobi13 member

    I grew up Baptist but I am not a fan of organized religion. Almost all of them have been tainted by some type of abuse in the system.

    I believe in the core values of most of the worlds big religions. Be a good person, don't lie, cheat, steal or murder.

    I do want to make sure lo has some of the same structure I had so I am sure in a few years that I too will be church shopping to look for a good fit.

  • I wouldn't say I was "raised" Catholic, my mom took me to Catholic church on Sunday's but I never did the holy communions or confirmations. I've always known I believe in God, but never really found a church that I "felt home" at. The Catholic priest never "spoke to me. DH's grandfather was a minister in the Primitive Baptist church, but DH was not involved with that. When we got married we had his grandfather marry us in a United Methodist church. 

    After we got married, I felt like I needed to find a church that I felt comfortable with so I asked my Facebook friends what churches they went to. They suggested one, we went for a visit & loved it ever since. It's a non-denominational church, it's Christian, it has a band that plays songs from the Christian radio circuit so all of the songs are upbeat and the pastor is down-to-earth, married with kids. The whole congregation is very welcoming and always felt at home. 

    I would suggest asking some friends, either close friends or putting out on Facebook, to get recommendations on different churches around you. Try out different churches, you'll find one that makes you feel at home. 

    Good luck!

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  • I am Episcopal but ended up that way after being Unitarian and Southern Baptist at earlier points in my life.  The closest religious "label" that DH fits in is Deist but he will occasionally attend church with me.  However, he does agree to raise our daughter in whatever church I attend as we both see the benefit in a basic Sunday School education and having someone else reinforce the morals that we will teach her.  If she chooses a different religious path when she is older, it will be her decision and we will support her in it.  

    I agree that if you want to attend religious services, go church shopping for a while.  See what you are comfortable with (in terms of community, expectations, services, and doctrine).  Speak with the religious leaders about the local religious community and the faith as a whole. 

    Also, just because you pick one church now doesn't mean you can't attend a different one in the future.  My aunt and uncle have bounced between several different Calvinist denominations over the past 30 years - largely based on who has the best musical program at time.  

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  • SusieBWSusieBW member
    Also, just because you pick one church now doesn't mean you can't attend a different one in the future.  My aunt and uncle have bounced between several different Calvinist denominations over the past 30 years - largely based on who has the best musical program at time.  

    I like the way your aunt and uncle think!  I asked my DH one day when we were having this conversation whether it would be wrong to pick a church just based on the fact that it has a good gospel choir.  I love me some gospel music - like, the clapping, shouting, dancing sort of gospel music.  I love it.
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  • We attend a Presbyterian Church predominately, however we also sometimes go to a nondenominational Christian church for Saturday services if we have other things planned for on Sunday.

    I love church and find it's the best anti-anxiety medicine. My relationship with God really grounds me. Prayer is pretty powerful.

    I think you have to find something you both enjoy and a place where you are comfortable raising your kids. I hope you find it! :)



  • I was raised Episcopal, DH raised baptist. We attend a non-denominational Christian church (sometimes called bible churches) and LOVE it!!! I hate getting wrapped around different denominations and the different ways they do things, etc. For me it seems very black and white. Either you believe in God, and that he sent his Son to die on the cross to save you from your sins, or you don't. 

    I think my Grandma said it best "I don't care which church you go to, I just want you to go."

    Go where you feel comfortable. Go where you feel like you can connect! The worship/sermon style at one church may not speak to you, whereas another might. Do not be pressured into a denomination that isn't right for you, that won't do anyone any good if going to that church doesn't help you foster your own relationship with God. And that is WAY more important than making someone else happy :0)
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  • loopybaby said:
    For me, it's not about religion but about a personal relationship with God. Might sound strange but for any others that have it, they will know that it's a very real thing. I believe that the Bible is the Inspired word of God and I try to follow it as best as I can. That said, I don't depend on my own works for "salvation" but on Jesus Christ & his death and resurrection. 
    Preach it! What she said :0)
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  • If you are interested in learning more about Catholicism, check out the radio show Catholic Answers. You can get it on the radio and online. I learned so much more there than I did growing up Catholic. It has helped me understand so much more about the faith.
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  • I love church and find it's the best anti-anxiety medicine. My relationship with God really grounds me. Prayer is pretty powerful.

    I feel the same way! It does help my anxiety and worry.

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  • DH and I were born raised catholic,
    And went to catholic school out whole lives. I stopped as a freshman in college and for years worked at an Evangelical free church - not at all like what you described tho. Very down to earth and un-crazy.

    Now, we go to a mega church that's technically baptist but seems very nondenominational. It's fine - I haven't found one here I like better, but I miss my old one.

    Outside of the Catholic Church (if you look that direction) it's really more about the individual church and the people than the denomination IMO. Try some out, see what feels right. The attitude is the people says more than anything.
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  • ashcakes921ashcakes921 member
    edited May 2014
    I just call myself a Christian. When it comes to churches, I usually feel most comfortable in a baptist, Methodist or nondenominational setting. Some beliefs of the Methodist church are getting whacky though. I never agreed fully with Catholicism and I wasn't raised that way. I attended a Christian school and got a religion based degree in youth ministry so I'm comfortable in what I believe and explaining it to others.

    Quite obviously I see the importance in attending church but you shouldn't do it just because of pressure and especially in a denomination where you don't feel comfortable. So if you have any questions feel free to ask

    ETA: the church with speaking in tongues you talked about sounds like an assembly of God or some other branch of Pentecostal
  • Lele74Lele74 member
    I'm lazy today and haven't read the pps. But I did catch the "shop around" bit. I was raised catholic and got as far as confirmation. Then I grew up and found my heart didn't believe in some of the teachings and I didn't feel right calling myself Catholic. DH didn't grow up going to church at all (we had a Christian minister attend our wedding- it wasn't catholic or even in a church).
    Then there was a bit when I missed church- going on Sundays, being with people who believed in something more than what we see, rituals- and we found the Unitarian Universalist church. It was what I needed at the time. And the nice part? My parents didn't give me crap about "changing" religions. They think it's better to believe in something good than nothing at all.

    Bottom line- find what you need, especially during this crazy thing called pregnancy when it's out of our hands. Take your kids. But don't be too upset if they find their own path when they grow up.


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  • NavyFlyer said:
    For me it seems very black and white. Either you believe in God, and that he sent his Son to die on the cross to save you from your sins, or you don't. 


    NavyFlyer - I don't usually get controversial on things - I tend to sit back and just let people be - and I don't question anyone's right to believe whatever they want - but this statement  kind of threw me and I had to comment. I believe in God, but I am not Christian, so I do not believe in JC...because there are so many other religions out there besides Christianity, I think its far from black and white - you can believe in God without believing in religion, etc....and just because you don't believe in JC, doesn't mean you don't believe in God. You can be spiritual without religion. I believe in nature and that there is more around us than just air and our humanity, etc... So, do not mean to be contrary or question your beliefs, but do feel that statement left a lot of people out of the picture. I tend to see most things including religion and god and spirituality as far from black and white and very grey in its nature.
    Totally hear you here. My respond was geared VERY specifically toward the OP, who is currently attending a Christian church and looking for other options within the Christian religion. 

    I would never make a blanket statement that religion is black and white, etc. I meant only that within Christianity, it's all water under the bridge when it comes to denominations, as we all believe a black and white truth. Just trying to tell the OP not to stress about Catholic vs. Lutheran.

    Please keep in mind my response was within the box of Christianity that it was intended for, and what the OP was originally talking about. No judgement or opinion intended on anything outside that!  


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  • In addition, a lot of churches have websites to research and you can often hear past sermons.  As well, talk to a friend/acquaintance that you know that goes to church.  They may have some specific recommendations for you and your area.

    I will also add that prayer and reading your Bible is a GOOD THING.

    As for my beliefs, I would also say I'm similar to @loopybaby and @savagek7.
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  • SaraML13 said:
    I'm Catholic.  I come from a big Irish-Catholic family on my mom's side, my dad was raised Methodist but is non-practicing.  Catholicism was a fairly major part of my upbringing.  I went to Catholic grade school and high school (14 years) and my mom took my sister and me to church every Sunday.  We did things like say grace and set up nativity scenes at Christmas, but my family didn't talk about faith all that much.

    When I was around 14, I started getting really skeptical of Catholicism and religion in general. Through most of high school I considered myself an atheist.  I think part of it was rebelling from being a "good girl" and being a moody teenager.  When I went to college, I purposely avoided thinking too much about religion.  

    But I eventually came back to the Catholic church my senior year of college.  I realized that the idea of religion had been gnawing at the back of my mind.  As I started thinking about eventually getting married and having kids, I realized I pictured faith as being part of my family's life.  As I started to be more honest with myself, I realized that a lot of my feelings against religion/Catholicism were knee jerk reactions, and not really careful consideration of the issues and disagreements.  

    I went through a year or two of being very religious when I first started going to church again (lots of time devoted to prayer and saying the rosary, going to weekday masses).  Now I have mellowed a bit and Catholicism is a comfortable part of my life.  DH and I go to mass each week.  When we have kids, I do want to make faith more a part of our family conversations.  
    We have a very similar story, minus the Catholic School part.   I was raised Catholic, but we didn't have a lot of faith-based discussions in my home.  I also fell away from the church in early high school, but came back to the church right before and during college.  During college I was really able to deepen my faith and now, as you said, Catholicism is a comfortable part of my life.

    I am pretty happy with my religion, and plan to raise my LO in the Church.  I feel like the "tactileness" of the Catholic church (the Eucharist, lighting candles, etc.) really helps my faith.  I feel connected to my parish, and the priest does great homilies that aren't just "recycling" the same old themes.  I don't think all Catholic parishes are the same, just as all Lutheran churches are the same.  The mass is the same, but they can be vastly different.

    Anyway, that got a little long, but I encourage you to look for a faith that matches your heart the best you can.  That's what matters in the long run. 
          

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  • MrsL2BMrsL2B member
    We're not religious at all, and I'm completely comfortable with that for us. My family is all Presbyterian (PCUSA), and I think their churches are all pretty great for them. They get (and give) so much social support. Obviously that all depends on finding the right congregation, though. That part can be a lot of work if you aren't already tied in to a religious community.

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  • I was "raised Christian" (I say that lost because we rarely went to church, but I did always have an interest in the religion and read the bible cover to cover when I was in junior high). My husband was very active in his Catholic Church growing up. We have yet to find a church that we feel like part of the community. We plan to start "shopping" soon to try to find a home, as I do feel it is an important part of raising a child. I want our children to have a basic knowledge of all religions and see how closely intertwined they are and many of the basic beliefs are the same. I think it is an important and basic lesson about tolerance. I don't expect a church to teach about other religions, but I am hoping to find one that spends more time preaching about morality, spiritual connection, and turning to family, friends, and a higher power in times of difficulty. Unfortunately, I have felt most services we have attended are more focused on the tradition of the religion (which while important isn't my focus), or striving for perfection.

    Moral of the story, is I agree with all pps that you should church shop and find a place you feel comfortable, but it would also be good to really think about the features you are looking for your family.
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  • While in the last few years I haven't been to church nearly as often as I like due to health issues with DH and I have trouble getting up on time, I am very religious. I was born and raised in the LDS (mormon) church and still fully believe it. Despite having troubles with getting to church regularly and occasionally feeling judged by those who don't fully understand why we don't attend 'enough' I will most definitely be raising our kids to follow the gospel and will get them to church as frequently as possible. Here's to health problems letting us do that every week. 
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  • NavyFlyer said:
    NavyFlyer said:
    For me it seems very black and white. Either you believe in God, and that he sent his Son to die on the cross to save you from your sins, or you don't. 


    NavyFlyer - I don't usually get controversial on things - I tend to sit back and just let people be - and I don't question anyone's right to believe whatever they want - but this statement  kind of threw me and I had to comment. I believe in God, but I am not Christian, so I do not believe in JC...because there are so many other religions out there besides Christianity, I think its far from black and white - you can believe in God without believing in religion, etc....and just because you don't believe in JC, doesn't mean you don't believe in God. You can be spiritual without religion. I believe in nature and that there is more around us than just air and our humanity, etc... So, do not mean to be contrary or question your beliefs, but do feel that statement left a lot of people out of the picture. I tend to see most things including religion and god and spirituality as far from black and white and very grey in its nature.
    Totally hear you here. My respond was geared VERY specifically toward the OP, who is currently attending a Christian church and looking for other options within the Christian religion. 

    I would never make a blanket statement that religion is black and white, etc. I meant only that within Christianity, it's all water under the bridge when it comes to denominations, as we all believe a black and white truth. Just trying to tell the OP not to stress about Catholic vs. Lutheran.

    Please keep in mind my response was within the box of Christianity that it was intended for, and what the OP was originally talking about. No judgement or opinion intended on anything outside that!  


    @NavyFlyer - totally get it - and makes sense in that context. Thanks for clarifying!

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  • Please note I have not read many other responses.

    I consider myself a follower of Jesus. I believe he is my Lord and Savior and I try and live my life as he would want me to.

    My husband and I "shopped" churches and couldn't find anything that we knew were right for us. I did not like the come and go kind of church. The kind where you just show up on Sunday, may or may not get inspired by the message, then go home. I wanted relationships with people in the church. I wanted a church that I could serve in (even if I didn't know it at the time). When my husband and I moved to our current military base we finally found the church we had been looking for. A church where we have made personal relationships with people, a church where it's members are not afraid to stand up in front of everyone and confess their sins or things they have or are currently struggling with. We believe everyone will mess up over and over again and that no one is perfect. But, we have these strong relationships with people in the church to help us overcome and repent from our sins so that we can be closer to God. 
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  • 4Sweetviolets4Sweetviolets member
    edited May 2014
    I am Catholic, and was raised Catholic but it wasn't until adulthood that I really started to learn about and understand my faith. I can honestly say now that my life is completely fulfilled by living the teachings of the Catholic Church and submitting my entire life to God. We are so blessed to be a part of a wonderful parish and have made friends with some of the most kind, generous, and loving people I have ever encountered through it! To the OP, it sounds like the Holy Spirit is working within you and calling you to seek God. Open yourself to His voice and pray that he will lead you. I would recommend just reading as much as you can to discover what you believe, and why you believe it. Many, many people (myself included) have been raised to be a certain religion without ever knowing why! Now as a mom, I want to be able to tell my kids why we believe what we believe and to be able to encourage them in their own relationship with God. The Bible (especially the Gospels) is a wonderful place to start. A great resource to learn about Catholicism is catholic.com. There are sections to learn everything you have ever wondered about the Church. I would also encourage you to attend Mass at a few parishes in your area. I wish you the best as you seek answers and will pray for you! God bless.
  • 4Sweetviolets4Sweetviolets member
    edited May 2014
    After reading your second comment,
    I just wanted to address your husband's concerns about the abuse by priests. The church is made up of sinners (including priests) and we all stand in need of God's mercy and forgiveness. What happened was terrible and I think everyone feels great sorrow over it. No church on earth is or ever will be perfect because they are all made up of imperfect humans. We do trust in the guidance of the Holy Spirit that He will never abandon us though and will continue to lead us. There have been many changes implemented over the last couple of decades that have greatly helped with these issues. As far as the preaching goes, some priests are really good at it and others are not so much! That is why I would encourage you to visit several parishes. :)
  • I'm Catholic, from an "Irish Catholic" family. My faith is very important to me, along with the heritage behind it, and has become more so as I've gotten older. It sounds like your DH's objections to the Church are somewhat superficial-a deeper understanding of the Catholic religion is important to have. 
    I completely agree with Emerald about educating our children about our faith and of other faiths and teachings as well.
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