Bottle Feeding vs. Breast Feeding

askid · May 2014

I"m a second time Mom and wasn't able to breast feed my DD since she was a premie. I pumped for a while but never could get her to latch, etc. I'm feeling very conflicted about breastfeeding this time around. I thought I had my mind made up to bottle feed since I've been there done that and know what to expect. Do any of you that bottle feed feel guilty for making that decision? I have probably been reading too much and listening to others but wondering if anyone else feels guilty for choosing to bottle feed.

mcvgal · May 2014

Don't feel guilty one way or another. Only you know what is best for your child. DS was a preemie as well but luckily I was able to nurse until 10 months. At that point I felt very guilty about switching to bottle/formula, however I finally realized that he still got the nutrition he needed. My older sister was the only one breastfed in our family (we are 5 kids). When my mom came to the US in 77, there was a big push towards formula so myself and the rest of the kids were formula fed and guess what, all of us turned out ok.

ghostof5letters · May 2014

I think there is guilt no matter what you choose, but the public campaigns with "breast is best" is added pressure and guilt, and creates a atmosphere of self loathing to moms who choose to bottle feed for whatever reason.

It's just obnoxious that we're shoving a choice down women's throats during a really stressful time in their lives.

Best of luck with whatever decision you choose. Guilt over bottle feeding is completely normal. Do what is best for you and your family. That will be the best option for your baby.

Everyone else can suck it.

JustGoWithIt · May 2014

I agree. Do whatever works best for you and your ducklings. I tried, but was not successful breastfeeding DS #1 so we ended up bottle feeding. I felt like a failure for a long time & looking back it was totally unnecessary. I plan to try breastfeeding again with DS#2, but I am totally in the camp of we are all doing the best we can & what we think is best for our families & should support each other no matter what road we choose to go down. Best of luck!

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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katnipeverclean · May 2014

You do what is best for your family and ignore every one else. There are no awards given to moms who breastfeed and you don't get a medal for being breastfed when you graduate highschool.

BPer · May 2014

I struggled BFing my first, and gave up after a miserable 6 weeks.

I've said that I would at least give BFing 2.0 a try, but the closer I get to my due date, the more I consider formula-feeding from the start.

This will be our last baby, so I would really like to enjoy the newborn stage, and not spend it miserable, in pain, and filled with anxiety that my kid isn't eating enough.

Don't feel guilty, no matter what you decide to do.

*LrCg* · May 2014

From someone who EBF, I don't think you should feel guilty at all. I think you should feel guilty and ashamed if you choose not to feed your baby at all.

Skeemer · May 2014

*LrCg* said:

From someone who EBF, I don't think you should feel guilty at all. I think you should feel guilty and ashamed if you choose not to feed your baby at all.

This. I think many people miss the whole concept when pushing for one way or another. I've had people make me feel guilty for not BFing DS (like it's any of their business anyway) & I responded, "Would you rather him not eat at all? Because that & formula are the two options."

I had a few moments of guilt when I figured out I just wasn't producing anything for him. I really tried for a while to make sure I wasn't doing something "wrong". But in all honesty it was just stressing me out which was probably stressing him out. When I went to a bottle I was just so much happier & my son was too because his tum tum was full.

SuperTinkerham · May 2014

As long as baby is getting fed, please don't feel guilty. Happy mom = happy baby.

EllaSmella · May 2014

I agree with all the PP that this is a decision only you can make and it may be something you just have to wait to see how your delivery goes, what kind of a nurser your baby is and how stressed/overwhelmed you're feeling at the time.

However, @tundrabunny has a great point - if you think there's a chance you might want to BF, get your resource/support lined up before the delivery - this way, if you choose to BF, you'll know that you don't have to scramble around or be stressed in order to get what you need to give it your best shot.

reecespieces714 · May 2014

I think the guilt is normal especially because how we feed our babies has become polticised (insert Bloomberg here).

We have also made the decision to bottle feed this one (first was breast) - it was an informed and educated decision and one we feel very good about. I have no guilt. Nor am I defensive about it. It's simply not open to discussion (and certainly not justification) with people. For me, breast v bottle is not a moral issue.

It might be worth analysing why you are feeling guilty - if it is solely a response to external stimuli (ie other people's opinions) then I would let the guilt go. If you still have some internal dialogue going on about the issue then I think that is worth exploring further.

netsirk2013 · May 2014

I seriously was ready to come in here & yell at u ladies. Thinking this was a debate. Like cloth vs disposable.

But seriously, don't ever feel guilty. Do what works for you. Everyone is different. Ignore others, no matter what you choose someone will have to open their fat mouths & let u know what they did as if thats the magic answer.

Skeemer · May 2014

netsirk2013 said:

I seriously was ready to come in here & yell at u ladies. Thinking this was a debate. Like cloth vs disposable. But seriously, don't ever feel guilty. Do what works for you. Everyone is different. Ignore others, no matter what you choose someone will have to open their fat mouths & let u know what they did as if thats the magic answer.

I thought the same. I was like, "WHO is bringing this debate up in here?!" Lol

shanaynerz · May 2014

I ended up FFing my DD and felt soo guilty for awhile b/c I only gave up after 3 freaking days.

But my sanity was fading and when DD tried some formula, she finally slept. I'm really not sure I produced enough.

This time around I would at least like to try and do it as much if not more than I did with DD, like I'll still offer the breast first. With twins I'm really not gonna drive myself nuts about BFing and will do what's best for us as a family. DD was formula fed and she's a healthy, normal, spunky 18 month old!

As PPs said, do what's best for you and your family and really try not to feel guilty. It's so hard I know, but let's be thankful we live in a day and age where formula is available and is as close to breast milk as ever. Good luck!

aimeepigott · May 2014

I had to bottle feed DS because my milk never came in. I do not feel guilty for it. He was well fed on the bottle and is not any different for it. You do what you have to do as a mom. Sometimes our bodies don't perform they way we expect or want them to. I am going to attempt to BF/pump this time, but I'm not going to get bent out of shape if I can't! It's not worth the added stress! There will be enough worry going on with going from one to two kids. Take it easy on yourself. What is meant to be will be!

abrazz · May 2014

I breast fed both my children and will try with this one as well. That being said, I was super into EBFing with DD. My life revolved around pumping at work and obsessing over how big of a stash I had and keeping up my supply so I would have enough for her to have at daycare. So many times the bottle would be half full when I picked her up and I would get so upset that I would have to waste that. She had to be supplemented with formula when I was on an antibiotic she couldn't have and I was devastated. Looking back I wish I hadn't felt so guilty. With DS we kept formula around and used it when I wasn't home or at daycare if I didn't pump enough and I didn't stress about it. That first year was just so much more relaxing than my first with DD. He is actually my healthy child and DD catches anything and everything. Like others have said, do what is best for your family. The added stress is so unnecessary. Honestly the main reason I am going to try breast feeding again is the cost factor (sounds super selfish but it's the truth).

kimeetee · May 2014

Agreed with everyone above. Don't feel guilty and do what works for you. That said, do use the resources around you (whether it's other online, lactation consultants, friends, etc.). I provided some support for one of my friends (she was going to quit and ended up bfing for 18 months). I didn't do much but encourage her and refer her to my lactation consultant! I bf my first for 23 months and would like to bf again, but this time around, I do hope to be more relaxed about it. i also realize that things don't always go as planned, so if I can't bf, I will be disappointed, but hopefully be miserable about it.

I hope i'm not being conflicting, but seriously, I don't judge people for nursing/ffing (although I do give the side eye to those who say bfing is gross), and you should definitely judge yourself. You do what works for you and your family's life.

Allison546 · May 2014

a_brasuell said:
I breast fed both my children and will try with this one as well. That being said, I was super into EBFing with DD. My life revolved around pumping at work and obsessing over how big of a stash I had and keeping up my supply so I would have enough for her to have at daycare. So many times the bottle would be half full when I picked her up and I would get so upset that I would have to waste that. She had to be supplemented with formula when I was on an antibiotic she couldn't have and I was devastated. Looking back I wish I hadn't felt so guilty. With DS we kept formula around and used it when I wasn't home or at daycare if I didn't pump enough and I didn't stress about it. That first year was just so much more relaxing than my first with DD. He is actually my healthy child and DD catches anything and everything. Like others have said, do what is best for your family. The added stress is so unnecessary. Honestly the main reason I am going to try breast feeding again is the cost factor (sounds super selfish but it's the truth).

A lot of this was me too. I breastfed/pumped exclusively and successfully for 9 mos last time but it was not without a lot of pressure and hard work and stress especially after I returned to work. I am going to breastfeed/pump again this time but if I need to supplement here and there with formula for daycare, when I'm away, etc I know it's not the end of the world. Last time I acted like formula was the enemy while I was breastfeeding and I now realize how stupid that was.

Seriously do what's best for you. Try breastfeeding but don't beat yourself up about it if it doesn't work out. Feed your baby, that's all that matters of course!

BBColt78 · May 2014

I think everyone has given you amazing responses. As PPs said, it is totally normal to feel guilty. I literally was depressed with DD when breastfeeding didn't work out. My MIL was luckily here to pull my shit together and get me feeling good again. There is so much pressure to breastfeed.

I'm going straight to formula with this one. To make yourself feel better, do some research and pick the best formula that you think works for you. Also, I joined the Formula Moms group, (private group) because the Bump doesn't have a formula board. I know those girls asked for one, but I'm not sure where that process is. The group isn't too active with new posts, but I asked a question and people replied right away.

darkangel42 · May 2014

Breast is only best if it works and isn't driving Mom insane in the process. Not every Mom/baby can do it. Not every Mom/baby wants to.

So long as your baby is fed and you're both happy/healthy, it doesn't matter whether it's bottle or breast. Try one, try both, go with whatever works and makes you both happy.

No-one ever got to 60 and then said "Well, my life was a total failure because I was formula fed, my Ma ruined my life." and it's unlikely anyone ever will because that would be ridiculous.

katnipeverclean · May 2014

darkangel42 said:

Breast is only best if it works and isn't driving Mom insane in the process. Not every Mom/baby can do it. Not every Mom/baby wants to.

So long as your baby is fed and you're both happy/healthy, it doesn't matter whether it's bottle or breast. Try one, try both, go with whatever works and makes you both happy.

No-one ever got to 60 and then said "Well, my life was a total failure because I was formula fed, my Ma ruined my life." and it's unlikely anyone ever will because that would be ridiculous.

This might be the best thing I've ever read.

askid · May 2014

Thank you for all your replies. It's been very helpful.

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