Save the Dates/Invitations

fisk2005 · May 2014

I may be being a little hormonal but I just got annoyed with my best girlfriend because she asked me why would I do a save the date for the baby shower! She proceeded to ask where I read that I should do so and why I'm doing it? I have seen save the dates for any engagement not just weddings but showers, birthday parties, etc. I may be being paranoid but it's because I am expecting a large amount of people however they are all out of state except for 5 people! My fear is they will not purposely forget (or book tickets too late and their expensive) but life also tends to get in the way (pertaining more so old coworkers and friends not immediate family). This was originally another friends suggestion and now I'm even more antsy. Do you think it would be necessary or should I just send out traditional invites as originally planned two months prior in July (shower in September)?

PS: I'm not usually an antsy person. It's just that I'm a FTM and I want everyone that is special to me to be there!

Thanks in advance!

golfingdarwinfish · May 2014

The only time I received a save-the-date for a shower (sent by the MTB) there was major side eyeing, ranting and discussion of how the MTB had become a MTBzilla. It was also an indicator that she was basically planning her own shower under the guise of her hosts.

If you are that worried perhaps request that your best friend informally (perhaps by e-mail) notify select out of staters about the shower date, or ask a relative/friend to mention the date offhandedly to a few people and have the information travel via word of mouth. I would definitely not do an official save-the-date, but that is just my opinion.

IMO the idea of asking people to hold a date so that they can come shower a specific person with presents is a bit nauseating.

ETA: I should add that I am the type of person who feels incredibly guilty when being "showered" so that likely influences my opinion.

shannonshare · May 2014

I don't think it's strange, particularly because we'd be having our baby showers in the summer when people often make travel plans. It's so hard to get people together in the summer! Personally, I am just sending invitations really early, but either way, it's the same thought of trying to let people know with enough advance notice.

aander6 · May 2014

Yeah I agree with @VCGolfNYC I would probably majorly roll my eyes if I got a save the date for a baby shower.

fisk2005 · May 2014

@shannonshare‌ exactly! It's more me trying to make sure I'm giving people enough time in advance!

fisk2005 · May 2014

@VCGolfNYC‌ good idea I could do Evites for the out of towners! I'm not stepping on anyone's toes for planning my mother and best friends are throwing it and it was their suggestion!

persephonerose · May 2014

Not only would you get a side eye from me for a save the date for a baby shower I would toss the invite and not show up.

It. Is. A. Baby. Shower.

It is not your child's wedding, or your wedding. If people want to show up they will figure it out. If you send out your baby shower invites 3-4 weeks in advance plenty of scheduling and discount airline tickets can be arranged. Secondly, I think you over estimate the importance of a baby shower.

ADH0906 · May 2014

aander6 said:
Yeah I agree with @VCGolfNYC I would probably majorly roll my eyes if I got a save the date for a baby shower.

Count me in too. It's not a huge life event...people do not need to be reminded to save the date for your baby shower. Flying in for a baby
shower? That seems absurd to expect. I'd laugh myself right off my chair if you have me grief for not buying plane tickets in order to come give you presents.

Also, this makes it seem an awful lot like you're throwing your own shower. I really hope that's not the case.

golfingdarwinfish · May 2014

fisk2005 said: @VCGolfNYC‌ good idea I could do Evites for the out of towners! I'm not stepping on anyone's toes for planning my mother and best friends are throwing it and it was their suggestion!

I was NOT suggesting an evite. I was suggesting an informal, nice, customized to the recipient, e-mail from your hostess stating that your shower will be held on day X and some sort of language around why she feels the need to let them know so far in advance. But, IMO, even that is a bit much. Why can't your mother just call your out of state relatives and mention it to them? Why does there have to be a save the date of some sort?

Last time I was pregnant my out of state family called my mother asking when the shower would be held so that they could hold the date. Perhaps give it some time and see if people ask you, a family member, or one of your close friends.

Also, if your hostess is uncomfortable with this you should consider respecting her wishes considering even the shower itself is a gift.

MrsMac613 · May 2014

I don't think a save the date is necessary for a shower. I would just personally send a text to those who you think would need to plan it. However I also don't think a shower is something someone would plan their vacations around either. I would definitely think it strange if I got a save the date for a bridal or baby shower.

MrMrsandBaby · May 2014

If they are mostly out of state you should prepare yourself for a small shower. Sorry but I'm not getting a plane ticket for a baby shower no matter how much notice I'm given.

Jennifer18131 · May 2014

Do not send STD and OMG do not send Evites! It's a shower.

lrobi13 · May 2014

Yep. I have a bunch of people in another part of the state and I plan to go there for a shower. I will also have one in my town just like I did for my wedding last year. I do not expect anyone to come to both nor have i asked for two.

I felt overwhelmed at my showers and I would never expect anyone to fly in for a shower.

I think if people want to come they will come without getting a save the date (which I have never heard of being sent except for weddings which can be planned for years).

JessAnnJ · May 2014

I agree with PPs. A shower is not nearly as important to other people as your post suggests it is. I would not fly to attend a baby shower. If I got a save the date for a baby shower I would think that was very rediculous. Now flying to meet your baby that's one thing, but flying to give you a present that doesn't make sense to me. I would not want anyone other than immediate family to travel from out of state for my shower.

golfingdarwinfish · May 2014

I think the Baby Shower board should be consulted.

<:-P O:-)

angeltennis3 · May 2014

I would absolutely side eye and probably call a few friends to gossip if I got a save the date for any type of event other than a wedding. As many others have said, it is a baby shower. I rarely travel more than a few hours for a shower. Anything further and I just send a gift and my regrets.

I have told some friends our planned date, as I see them, so that they can put it in their calendar. If something comes up between now and then, oh well.

MrsSarahRenee · May 2014

I agree with pp wholeheartedly. No STD and no evite. Listen to your best girl friend!!

I hate to even bring this up but when you say "I" can send invites in July - you mean the host. MTB shouldn't send their own invites it will get similar side eye responses.

Aarg · May 2014

My sister who is hosting is sending and email to my In laws to let them know when the anticipated shower will be. That way it gives them time to move around work schedules, ect if they would like to attend as my family lives in Illinois and my hubby's side lives in Ohio and Michigan.
Just about everyone on both sides are prone to losing things so... We don't want invites out too early Lol

Unknown · May 2014

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Emerald27 · May 2014

Another vote for no save the date. I'm also kind of against the informal notice... I think that if someone cannot attend because of a schedule conflict, they'll likely mail a gift or a card or just send regrets. NBD.

WiFiMom2be · May 2014

Yeah, a save the date seems weird. I have received save the date emails for a couple showers, but in both instances, that was just because the hosts were running late with the invites (I think they sent the email like 3 weeks in advance). So the hosts sent out the email so people could get it on their calendars, which I thought was fine. Also, the only time I've heard of people traveling for a shower is if it's immediate family.

slsl509 · May 2014

I think save the dates are even weird for a wedding. Isn't that what an invitation is? Either you know someone well enough that they know when your wedding is or you don't and they send regrets.

Do not do this for a baby shower. For the love of all that is holy.

SusieBW · May 2014

I flew for a shower once, and it was my SIL's bridal shower, so it was just as much an excuse to visit my brother and SIL as it was to go to her shower. I also travelled a few hours to go to a good friend's baby shower, but we combined it with visiting other friends and doing some other stuff on the same trip, so it worked out really well.

OP, you are assuming that people care about your baby shower a lot more than they probably do. I'd laugh if I got a STD for a baby shower, and I would probably gossip about it, too.

raynes · May 2014

Yeah, no STD, totally unnecessary.

Basically I'll ditto everything that @VCGolfNYC said.

wildflower75 · May 2014

fisk2005 said:

@VCGolfNYC‌ good idea I could do Evites for the out of towners! I'm not stepping on anyone's toes for planning my mother and best friends are throwing it and it was their suggestion!

If your mother and best friends are throwing it then they should be the ones to email your out of town guests to give them a heads up on the date. A formal save the date should not be sent out!
Alternatively if you have a lot of people in another location perhaps you can have two showers... my mother threw one for me in California where I am from and where my family lives and my best friend threw one for me in NY where we live and my husband's family is. This way my husband and I were the only ones that had to book a flight.

bumpuser10309732 · May 2014

I agree with no STD cards. If you're THAT worried about it why don't you just mail out the invitation? Same thing....but that's just my opinion. I feel like STD's are a waste of money to begin with. Here's a card with all the information that an invitation has. The same thing in a different format to follow in a month. Lol

anniec85 · May 2014

I agree that maybe an informal mention of the date to people is best. I know my shower is over the summer and my family and friends are busy people so I've tried to mention the date to people when I see them. We are also planning to get invitations out early.

As far as inviting out of town guests, I don't think it's unheard of. I have some close family we plan to invite, but have no expectations. My BIL and SIL just had a shower and had quite a few people (family and friends) travel a good distance to come. It really just depends on how close you are with those you are inviting.

linnae939 · May 2014

I called all the people that were important and/or far away about the date before the place was booked by the hosts, just to make sure all the important people could be there. My mom did this for my bridal shower too. It's hard b/c the shower is in August, prime vacation time, but it all worked out. I wouldn't send a save the date for a shower ever.

NavyFlyer · May 2014

Not trying to be mean, just being honest: If I got a shower STD I would think "oh ok, you want me to make sure to set aside this date so I can bring you a present?"

Anyone who should travel would be a very close relative (mom, grandma, sister) and would know the date anyway. If they aren't close enough to you to know it without a STD, it's wierd to invite them to an out of town shower I think.

irisheyes317 · May 2014

I agree with PPs. Do not send a save the date for a shower. If someone very close to you, like your mother, aunt, or sister, wants to fly in, the host can informally email them in advance to let them know. I would not expect anyone beyond that level of closeness to you to travel from out of town for a shower. Every shower I have been to or planned has had only local guests.

Kay1029 · May 2014

STD for a shower? Are you serious? As PP's have said, absolutely not. I would completely laugh and think it was absurd. You want everyone close to you there, I get it. But this is being thrown by other people. You should be grateful to everyone that does come and not worry so much about those who don't. 2 months is a heck of a lot of time for making travel arrangements for those who do want to travel.

Emerald27 · May 2014

Worst I ever received was a FB invite to a shower, event and invite created by the MTB's DH. I did not respond or attend. ::Facepalm::

Jennifer18131 · May 2014

Emerald27 said:

Worst I ever received was a FB invite to a shower, event and invite created by the MTB's DH. I did not respond or attend. ::Facepalm::

I've seen the "If you want an invite to my baby shower send me your address!!!!!!!!!!" post. Vomit.

youngin12 · May 2014

Jennifer18131 said:

Emerald27 said:

Worst I ever received was a FB invite to a shower, event and invite created by the MTB's DH. I did not respond or attend. ::Facepalm::

I've seen the "If you want an invite to my baby shower send me your address!!!!!!!!!!" post. Vomit.

I've seen this a few times, too. I cringe every.single.time.

Aarg · May 2014

youngin12 said:

Jennifer18131 said:

Emerald27 said:

Worst I ever received was a FB invite to a shower, event and invite created by the MTB's DH. I did not respond or attend. ::Facepalm::

I've seen the "If you want an invite to my baby shower send me your address!!!!!!!!!!" post. Vomit.

I've seen this a few times, too. I cringe every.single.time.

Just read one before I hopped on here... Seriously people?! Over FB?! [-X

atraveller · May 2014

All of my closest friend are out of town - but a save the date seemed a bit over the top to me - maybe because I eloped.

I've just picked a date and talked personally to all of the out of town people who I know want to come and made sure it didn't coincide with other plans - also allows them to book their flights early if they want to try to get cheap fares. Then my MIL and SIL and BF who are planning the shower can just send invites whenever they are ready.

Have you considered just talking to people personally rather than a formal save the date?

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