"First" Mother's Day?

angelsnight · May 2014

Hi all,

I don't post here much, but I wanted to wish everyone a peaceful Mother's Day, I know it can be hard even though we have rainbows or sunshine babies. My angel was born sleeping last March (2013) and my rainbow was just born this March. So everyone has been happily wishing me a happy FIRST mother's day. It's hurtful, but I guess I should expect it from people like co-workers who really don't get it. They all knew of my loss, but I think many of them don't realize I gave birth, held my baby girl and we gave her a funeral. I think many people are ignorant and probably think she just "went away". It still baffles me that people don't get it....I was showing, we knew she was a girl, she had a name, so even if they don't realize I gave birth and all that, they should still understand she was my baby and I was her mother.

But I was rather surprised to receive a first mother's day card from my brother and SIL. They were there, they held her, we cried together, they've listened to me talk countless of times of how people just don't get it and don't understand, so I am a little surprised and hurt that they think this is my first mother's day. Did anyone else deal with this? Did you correct people or just let it slide? I don't want to offend people because I know they mean well and think they are doing a great thing by making a big deal of it, but at the same time I feel a responsibility to educate people on pregnancy loss so more people understand how it is for us.

KikiCohen · May 2014

I'm probably in the minority here, but I actually felt like this -was- my first Mother's Day b/c it was the first one that I felt like celebrating. That's not to say that I would expect other loss moms to feel this way too. Maybe I feel this way b/c my loss was fairly early. Honestly, I think other people just don't even think about how things like this affect our emotions. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this!

daisy19782011 · May 2014

This was a really hard mother's day for me. I have 2 beautiful girls, but I was really missing my baby girl that isn't here with us. EVERYONE said happy 1st Mothers Day, and it really stung. More now than the last one, which no one even acknowledged for me. I know in my heart that my 1st baby made me a mom, and I know it is something that I will struggle with every year.