Daycare vs. Nanny

CateOfChicago · May 2014

I know this topic has been debated before but now everyone has lots of experience to share. We currently have family watching DD at my house on the 3 days I work but MIL is having a hard time physically and my sister's job and car aren't real reliable. Here's my take. Daycare pros: socialization, safety in numbers. Daycare cons: less one on one attention, travel, sick babies. Nanny pros: lots of attention, in home, I have more control. Nanny cons: expensive, safety concerns. What am I missing?

I'd love to go nanny. I'm less worried about money and more worried about safety and my child's development. My sister is a Chicago trib reporter and has written horrible stories about nanny abuse. If you have a nanny, how did you find her? I'd love to find a prior nurse or teacher (wouldn't we all).

What should I look for in a daycare place?

Sorry this is so long.

sooner1981 · May 2014

As for nannies, I can tell you what we did. We looked on care.com and screened tons of options--like over a hundred profiles. We set up a job posting and read over fifth applications, in addition to doing searches on our own for potential candidates.

We interviewed about five potential nannies and asked lots of questions. Basically, both times we have gone through the interview process, we clicked instantly with a candidate. We talked a lot about discipline and education in the interviews, and both nannies were able to give lots of concrete examples of redirection (vs. lashing out in frustration). We did this in a very non-confrontational setting and tried to elicit "real" responses--not canned "perfect" responses.

Once we hired our nannies, we would try to drop in from time to time without notice. I also sent my mom over there unannounced a few times. Set it up as "I was out for a meeting close by and I just had to stop by and snuggle on baby!" After I did that a couple times and saw her interacting with the kiddos and happy babies, I knew we had found a good match.

I have nanny cams installed (and have told our nannies about them), but have never felt compelled to turn them on because I really do trust them. Of course; they are there if I ever feel the slightest bit of unease. But so far, so good.

With our first nanny, my daughter was sick (with a small head cold) one time in her first 15 months of life! Our son, on the other hand, has pretty much had a cold constantly, as our daughter now goes to preschool and loves to bring germs home! I love walking in at the end of the day and seeing our nanny reading to our happy kids. It is also huge to us to not have to get them all bundled up and out the door each morning. We can spend our morning time cuddling and goofing around, rather than trying to get food in them and get them dressed and dropped off. Same with the evening--much less stress and more fun time with the kids.

ncase2 · May 2014

I looked on Care.com for my nanny, ran a background check on her, interviewed her twice, and had her come over and spend a 1/2 day with me and DS before starting. I absolutely love her - she's my Mary Poppins. She was/is a stay at home mom of four girls, all who are older now and come over and shower DS with attention

He'll start daycare in the fall after he turns one because I want him to have some social interaction with other babies and make some friends, but I'm sad to see our nanny go.

Also, Care.com has a checklist of questions to discuss with day-cares that I used when looking for one for this fall. GL!

ballygirl · May 2014

I spent a lot of time thinking about this with the twins and I am very glad I went with the nanny, at least for now. But - you definitely need to find a nanny that you love. I LURVE my nanny and wish she would just move in with us because she is so freaking awesome. She's been a nanny for 15 years and has seen it all. She's been a live-in nanny, she's nannied twins, she's had experience with newborns through adolescents and we have really gotten some great tips and benefited from her knowledge and experience. Plus, even though we never required her to do this, she vacuums, washes dishes, does baby laundry, and takes care of the dog when she has time. She sends texts and photos of what the girls are doing all day which I love and the babies really love her. They get huge smiles on their faces now whenever she comes in the door.

It made it much easier over the winter to not have to wake up babies in the morning and lug them into the car. And, they haven't been sick at all since they've been born except a brief cold they caught from their cousin. So, all that was great. Also, since we have the 2 babies, it was the same cost for a nanny as it was for 2 infants in daycare.

I do think we will do daycare starting sometime either next fall or next spring. I think eventually I want them to get the socialization that comes with a daycare setting, but at this early age they get enough interaction with the nanny and other baby classes / events we take them to on the weekends. So, we will see where we are come fall and make a decision then.

sooner1981 · May 2014

Also, I love that if I can't be there all day, that my kids have one person to bond to, like a favorite aunt. Our first nanny still comes over to play with our daughter and eat lunch occasionally, even thought she had to leave us after 14 months to get a job in her degree field. We love her to pieces Amd now she is just a friend--love how excited our toddler is on days when she is coming over.

I also like it when our daughter learns random stuff from our nanny that I would have never thought to teach her (our nanny has educational background and has a two year old and 7 year old), but all this stuff would happen in daycare as well, I am sure.

sooner1981 · May 2014

Oh, yes! The cleaning! Our first nanny didn't do this and we never thought to ask--but our current nanny tidies throughout the day and does baby laundry (without our asking her to!) and it is AMAZING!

soonersnanny · May 2014

sooner1981 said:

As for nannies, I can tell you what we did. We looked on care.com and screened tons of options--like over a hundred profiles. We set up a job posting and read over fifth applications, in addition to doing searches on our own for potential candidates. We interviewed about five potential nannies and asked lots of questions. Basically, both times we have gone through the interview process, we clicked instantly with a candidate. We talked a lot about discipline and education in the interviews, and both nannies were able to give lots of concrete examples of redirection (vs. lashing out in frustration). We did this in a very non-confrontational setting and tried to elicit "real" responses--not canned "perfect" responses. Once we hired our nannies, we would try to drop in from time to time without notice. I also sent my mom over there unannounced a few times. Set it up as "I was out for a meeting close by and I just had to stop by and snuggle on baby!" After I did that a couple times and saw her interacting with the kiddos and happy babies, I knew we had found a good match. I have nanny cams installed (and have told our nannies about them), but have never felt compelled to turn them on because I really do trust them. Of course; they are there if I ever feel the slightest bit of unease. But so far, so good. With our first nanny, my daughter was sick (with a small head cold) one time in her first 15 months of life! Our son, on the other hand, has pretty much had a cold constantly, as our daughter now goes to preschool and loves to bring germs home! I love walking in at the end of the day and seeing our nanny reading to our happy kids. It is also huge to us to not have to get them all bundled up and out the door each morning. We can spend our morning time cuddling and goofing around, rather than trying to get food in them and get them dressed and dropped off. Same with the evening--much less stress and more fun time with the kids.

soonersnanny · May 2014

sooner1981 said:

Oh, yes! The cleaning! Our first nanny didn't do this and we never thought to ask--but our current nanny tidies throughout the day and does baby laundry (without our asking her to!) and it is AMAZING!

RedZee · May 2014

FWIW, we found our incredibly stupid nanny on care.com. We found our awesome babysitter by asking friends who go to daycare. There is always a teacher who wants to leave or has to leave who people like. Hiring someone who worked at a daycare is great.

For me, the pros of a nanny are the cleaning and that you don't have to pack the kids' stuff. I personally don't necessarily want my baby bonding to only 1 person who I'm paying and might not stick around. My 3 year old has asked for the stupid nanny and it's really tough to explain why she isn't coming over anymore even though it was fun to play with her. When I tried, she ended up telling DH's aunt that if the aunt didn't play nicely she wasn't going to be allowed to come over again.

The pros of daycare: socializing, doing different activities (our daycare has nature, music, and when the kids get older gymnastics, karate and swim), having multiple adults to form good bonds with. So far, I'm finding that my kids end up with extra special bonds with certain teachers anyway. They also do art at school, have different toys than we have at home and the toys are rotated regularly. Once kids are eating solids, our daycare feeds them breakfast and lunch every day so I really only have to get my older kid dressed and out the door each day.

Ultimately, the only good thing about a nanny for me was that she did some cleaning and it's a little faster getting out of the house in the morning. I didn't love that my baby wasn't really getting to go many places when we had the babysitter (who I love and referred to our daycare who will hopefully be hiring her) and I didn't like when the stupid nanny took her places without asking.

TL;DR: #teamdaycare

LC122 · May 2014

Just putting this out there:

A good nanny can/will engage your kids in activities like those previously mentioned - art, nature, etc.

People talk a lot about the "socialization" aspect of daycares, but depending on the age, kids may not be socializing at all. Up to a certain age, kids regard other kids almost like elaborate toys. They will engage in parallel play before they actually play with each other.

Also, other than taking the kid places without asking, curious @RedZee‌ what made your former nanny "stupid"?

jennlin · May 2014

while we don't have a nanny, we have a nanny-like situation with family watching the kids..and i love it this way. my MIL comes over in the mornings, and lets the kids sleep in. my kids then wake up later, and stay up later, so i have more time to spend with my kids after work. MIL gets them ready for the day, which saves time for me, as well.

the biggest bonus is that my kids sleep in on the weekends, too, so i can sleep in myself. my friends are forced to still sleep/wake early on weekends because their kids are used to the early wake up schedule.

while my toddler is a bit behind socially, (doesn't know how to follow directions from other adults during structured play groups), we'll get there, and i'm not (too) worried.

MittenJennie · May 2014

We found a nanny from care.com. I did several interviews, but I just knew moments after she left the house that she was the one. I had to calm myself the F down and do the right thing and call her references. When she came for the interview she brought her background check from the state of Ohio (she just moved and worked in daycare there,) her record of immunizations, letters and cards from parents of the daycare where she worked and her performance reviews. I like @ballygirl LURVE my nanny. She is awesome. I feel as a FTM I have learned things from her. She sends me texts throughout the day. LO lights up when she comes into the room. For Mother's Day she gave me a card with a coupon for a free night of babysitting. It makes going to work so much easier. We thought about Daycare, but during this polar vortex it was nice not having to get baby all bundled up every morning. Plus we have been pretty healthy (knock on wood) all winter. Also I work right up the street so I am able to go home and nurse at lunch. I thought we would have to go to daycare when I went back to work full-time becasue I wasn't sure we could afford a full-time nanny, but she is working with us. We are very lucky.

CateOfChicago · May 2014

@RedZee‌ Your idiot nanny stories scared the crap out of me. You are much more patient than I. I would have knocked that bitch's teeth out. I was seriously scared for your kids. I'm so glad she is gone. I'm a nervous ftm so I'm probably being dramatic.

pmarie33 · May 2014

I have a nanny two days a week. She is my DD's old preschool teacher. We got extremely lucky.
My mom watches him 2 days and I work from home one day a week.

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