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Mother and MIL

FalconCrestFalconCrest member
in Parenting
Do your mother and MIL get along?  My mother and MIL do not like each other at all and it makes family gatherings increasingly uncomfortable.  This weekend was DD2's birthday party on Saturday and then we had a Mothers Day cookout at our house on Sunday.  My mother acts as though she is better than my MIL and it makes my already socially awkward MIL nervous and even more socially awkward.  At DD2's party my MIL lectured my mom about smoking for about 3 straight minutes in front of everyone.  My mom ended up leaving the party early and then refused to come to the Mothers Day cookout at my house the next day because my In-laws were going to be there.  DS's birthday party is in less than a month and I am terrified that my mom is going to blow up at my MIL.  

If any of you are in a similar situation, how do you handle family gatherings?

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Re: Mother and MIL

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  • FalconCrestFalconCrest member
    My mom is not willing to keep quiet anymore.  She has always had victim mentality and thinks we favor DH's family.  My MIL is generally a very wonderful person, but my mother brings out the worst in her and she can't stop herself from saying stupid and annoying things and repeating them several times.

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  • NarwhalBaconNarwhalBacon member
    My mom and MIL get along fantastically. They've actually known each other since DH and I were in diapers, though.

    Sorry you're in this situation. Your mom sound really immature and it sucks they can't get along for your kids sake. I would just tell her be nice or don't show up.
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  • angelashlyangelashly member
    Mine are fake nice to each other at gatherings, but are in deep competition. His mom gets jealous of any time my mom spends with DD. My mom just doesn't like the way she acts towards me and SO about things.

    We don't do many gatherings since his parents are JW and don't celebrate holidays so I usually don't have to worry about it.


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  • Pips09Pips09 member
    My mom and MIL have been at the same place maybe a dozen times (they live in different states). They are pretty different people, but they get along fine for the short amounts of time they have spent together.
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  • FalconCrestFalconCrest member
    RVASC811 said:
    Actually I do have some advice, which helped before they started to get along. Both H and I talked with our parents about how important it was to us for C to have a great relationship with all of her grandparents, faults and all, and how hard it would make her life if she felt as though she had to like one set more than the other, hear them talking badly about each other, etc. It helped a little. We really framed it like a request to help us make it work for her.
    That is great advice and the only thing that I think would resonate with them.  Thanks!

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  • KewiiKewii member
    They get along. Seeing as they've only met once.

    I recommend having them live in separate countries. ;)

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  • lildevil968lildevil968 member
    My mom and MIL hate each other. My mom is jealous because my MIL lives an hour and a half away from us, and my mom lives in Washington State. Every time my parents come for a visit, my IL's barge in on the visit, and it makes my parents feel bad because the kids know my in-laws better. In February my parents came down for DD's 10th birthday, and they insisted on having a family dinner, to include the IL's. MIL said something very mean to my mom, and a verbal fight broke out between those two. It brought DD to tears, and I made them both apologize to DD for ruining her birthday dinner. After MIL apologized, I made her leave, and we had a separate dinner with them once my parents left.

    We do everything we possibly can to keep them apart when my parents come to town, but MIL just seems to find her way in. I guess iam lucky that I don't have to deal with them both all the time.

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  • WatchmansMoonWatchmansMoon member
    Mine never got together that often so were always polite and kind. Has your DH had a "behave mom" talk with your MIL ever, or you with your own mom?  Knowing you have rules and boundaries in place that will be enforced (i.e. by not being invited next time) might shape them up a bit.  So much for the blessing of living near family, huh?  I feel badly for you.  HUGS!
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