Intro

Mrs Sweet Tea · May 2014

Well, after being a creeper and lurking for a couple of weeks, I have finally decided I should introduce myself. My husband (of 4.5yrs) and I found out we were expecting our first child at 2:30am Tuesday, February 4, 2014. I will never forget that moment because I randomly checked in the middle of the night just to ease my mind that I wasn't pregnant only to find out I was, which I was thrilled about. I thought it fitting that we found out right after the Super Bowl since we had met at a Super Bowl party back in college. Our little tater tot was due October 9, 2014, the day before our anniversary too. We couldn't have been happier especially because we had planned to start trying in February as we thought we might not make the window in January based on traveling for work.

We had to tell our families since we were going on vacation with his about two weeks later and they would have picked up on the fact that I wasn't drinking and found out anyways, and I didn't want to tell one side without telling the other. This was the first grandchild for my parents and the third for hubby's parents. About three weeks later I had my first Ob appointment, the week of St. Patrick's Day. I should have been closer to 11 weeks by this point (I was out of town for work at 8 weeks and that was the earliest they could get me in). Doctor didn't hear a heartbeat using the doppler and scheduled me for an ultrasound the next day. Thank heavens hubby was able to come with me because I totally broke down when the technician said, "I'm sorry, but I do not see a heartbeat". I just sobbed and kept screaming "No!" over and over again. I hope to God I never have to hear those words ever again. That was truly the most devastating moment of my life.

I had a D&C done the next day. The following day our dogs got sprayed by a skunk late at night and I couldn't even help my husband very much because my sense of smell was so elevated, I started throwing up as I was trying to help. I am thankful my parents live close and I was able to go stay the night with them. About a week later I was out of town on business and ended up in the ER 3x, once because I was having really severe abdominal cramping (they said it was a bladder infection but I have no idea how that could have happened, I followed my doctors instructions to a T), and then 2 more times because one of my friends that I saw while I was in town unknowingly gave me the flu (they thought they had had food poisoning the night before they saw me and didn't think it was anything contagious) and the ER would only give me one IV per visit as they said there was a shortage but I was unable to rehydrate fully on my own. At my post-op visit the doctor said baby was measuring 8w 5d and I should have been 10w 6d. Needless to say, that three week period was the absolute worst of my entire life so far. I hope it remains that way too.

Since then it seems Facebook has blown up with pregnancy announcements (I swear it's all due to the polar vortex, haha) and my own HCG levels are taking their grand old time to come down (they believe I have a minute amount of tissue that was left and hasn't expelled itself yet) and I am at roughly week 8 post-op. One thing that really helped me with the healing process was posting about the loss of the baby on Facebook. Hubby wasn't for it at first but once I explained to him how isolated I felt and that I had to have friends who have gone through this but that I don't know who they are and I thought it would help if I could connect with some of them, he agreed that I should post if I thought it would help me heal. As soon as I posted I felt so much better even before my friends who had lost their first baby started messaging me. I was just so glad that my friends knew about our little one, as I feel he/she is just as special as any child that makes it full term. The amount of support I got was overwhelming and soothing.

RIght now I just want my HCG levels to get under 5 so we can start trying again. Going again on Friday to get tested. Hopefully better news this time as I had had some heavier bleeding two weeks ago and consistent spotting since, so praying whatever remaining tissue was left has now worked it's way and we can begin trying for our rainbow baby. So that's my baby story so far. Glad we have this board on here to support one another through this tough life event.

biojess · May 2014

I also decided to be open on facebook, because I wanted people to know why I was avoiding others' baby pictures, Mother's Day stuff, and in general being not so much myself. I did also learn of other people's losses, which brought both of us comfort in the conversations that followed.

I'm sorry you're joining us, but it is nice to be here for the company. Best of luck at your next appointment.

meredithcarole · May 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. I was due October 7th. It sounds like you had a really rough go of it there in March, I hope you are doing better - it sounds like you are. I am also sorry you're still on the bench. I hope your levels are back to normal this week. As an unrelated side note, based on your screen name I read your entire post with a thick southern accent in my mind. I am not sure if you actually have one or not, but it just seemed appropriate.

Mrs Sweet Tea · May 2014

@meredithcarole I wish I did have a southern accent! I am actually a northerner, but I like to say I was born with a southern heart and soul, haha! Sweet Tea is my favorite guilty pleasure (along with a good bbq brisket and a campfire- which I can build better than my hubby : D ). I pretty much love all things southern so it was no surprise I married a Texan. We would probably move back to Texas but all of my family is in PA and most of his is in the north as well, so we will most likely be staying here for awhile so when we have kids they can grow up near family. Most days I am doing better. I know when doors close windows open and great things can happen, it's just hard coming to peace with the door being shut at times. Thanks for the support!

JellicalParker · May 2014

I'm sorry to see you are joining this group. You are a brave woman to have posted it on FB. I'm glad that helped you feel more supported. I wish everyone could feel that way. I hope your numbers drop quickly, I myself am waiting to get my first levels check after a natural miscarriage. Good Luck dear!

Feegan · May 2014

I am very sorry for your loss but welcome you with open arms. Sounds like you've had a helluva time, not that this situation is particularly easy for anyone. I hope you find this board as helpful with your emotional recovery as I have, and I'm glad that coming out publicly has afforded you further support. Good luck at your appointment!

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