WoodShopGirl needs happy thoughts please

WoodShopGirl · May 2014

For my marriage...

Long story short is that on Friday I cut ties with my MIL. Without going into detail, she is toxic and has become more and more verbally abusive towards me. And I don't use that word lightly. Bottom line is I don't like who I become when interacting with her.

MH understands and although he is not completely supportive he gets it. But he will always have the "she is still my mom" attitude. And I cannot ask him not to speak with her.

Here's the issue:
Since Friday I have received numerous hateful texts from her which I have ignored, and I have shown MH. Based on these texts I don't feel comfortable letting MIL be around Asher either. MH disagrees strongly. I just don't want the poisonous things she says to hurt my LO. MH says that it doesn't matter because it's not like he understands yet anyway.

I wouldn't say that Asher could never see her, because I am a never say never kinda girl, but for the time being I am putting my foot down.

The scary part is that MH and I aren't fighting about this but quietly disagreeing, which in our relationship means it's serious.

Please just send happy thoughts, I could use them.

And thanks for reading the long post.

sopranoali · May 2014

I see your point and your husband's point. Problem is is even though babies don't "understand" the way 2 adults interacting do, I think that babies can "feel the vibes" of a poisonous person. Also, if she is going to be around LO and you presumably won't be there, then it will be DH, LO, and MIL. What do you think the conversation will be about? How mean ole DIL won't let me see my grand kid etc etc tearing the family apart etc.

This is a "walk on egg shells situation"...good luck

vacsx2 · May 2014

So sorry you're going through this. Sounds serious enough to possibly engage a third party? Maybe start talking to a therapist? Hang in there!

kelley72 · May 2014

sorry to hear that is your situation, happy thoughts for you... more hope though that things calm down and you and your dh come to a workable solution for the longterm/set guidlines that work for you both

nblondheim · May 2014

Oh my...I'm sorry your MIL is doing those things and it's causing marriage issues. I wish you the best of luck!! *hugs*

ladyglittersparkles · May 2014

So sorry you're going through this

CruiseGirl28 · May 2014

Sending good vibes. Sorry your MIL is basically putting you guys in this position.

jennybean80 · May 2014

What a tough situation to be in. I hope everything works out for the best. GL!

wearebirds · May 2014

So sorry you're going through this. I hope your H comes around and can understand.

mrsdahamm · May 2014

Sending happy thoughts. I hope you and yh are able to resolve this soon.

myfriendscallmemeg · May 2014

Sending as many good vibes as I can muster!

VanessaBee · May 2014

I'm so sorry this is happening! I just don't understand the wackiness of MILs sometimes. She's put you and your H in such a crappy position - exactly the opposite of how she should be behaving when you both already have enough on your plates with a new baby. Lots of good thoughts your way - I hope you can find a way to keep her negativity away without it causing a rift between you and your H.

Zombielove126 · May 2014

I don't have any advice, just positive vibes for you.

WoodShopGirl · May 2014

Thanks ladies! I waver between giving in and letting Asher see her and holding my ground. I just don't want to deal with this anymore but know that I have to.

WoodShopGirl · May 2014

@cmmo14 that is exactly my fear. I know at 7 weeks he can't understand, but I still think he would sense tension.

nlane0723 · May 2014

What a tough situation. I hope you and DH can work this out and come to some agreement. Maybe she can have limited, supervised visits? Frankly, I think some grandparents have entitlement issues. If she isn't going to respect you when she's talking to you directly, I can only imagine the hateful and hurtful things she would say behind your back. I think you're doing what's right for you, your baby, and your family.

KTdid81 · May 2014

I'm sorry you're going through all this stress. You have to do what you feel is right. Maybe a break from her will be good and later you can revisit the notion if her seeing Asher when she's starts acting like a gma that wants to see her grand kid rather then just being a snake to you.

Sanibel21 · May 2014

Sorry to hear you are dealing with this. I hope you and H can come to some sort of resolution. That is a terrible situation.

katykatykaty · May 2014

So sorry you're dealing with this. Sending good thoughts your way.

clo1982 · May 2014

I'm really sorry you and your dh are dealing with this. While your lo may not 'get it' now, they really do begin to pick up on thigs so much earlier than they are given credit for. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to subject your baby to someone like that.

coreyeliz · May 2014

I'm adding my happy thoughts to the pile. I'm so sorry you've been put in this position. For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. My grandmother said terrible things about my mom and even made up lies about her. My mom always tried to keep the peace and never put a stop to it. Though to be fair, I don't think she knew the full extent of what her MIL, my grandma, was doing. As a kid, it was awful and confusing. In the end, though I loved my grandma, I harbor negative feelings toward my memories of her. The sense of feeling conflicted as a result of her actions toward my mom has never really gone away.

PerkyErky · May 2014

I am sorry. I think you are making the right decision keeping Asher way from her at least until she can show she can behave cordially toward you. While at 7 weeks he doesn't understand the words he definitely picks up on emotions. From what you've mentioned it sounds like she would have no problem engaging in parental alienation.

Lots of good thoughts your way and I hope your H and you can be a united front on this.

amholley1 · May 2014

All the happy thoughts I can make are headed your way. I wish I had some advice for you. And I agree with PP, even if Asher can't understand it, the last thing he needs is someone talking poorly about his mother. How would DH feel if your mother just talked poorly about him to Asher constantly while he wasn't around?