Lost our daughter today

Olismom · May 2014

Hello all this is my first time on this board but thought y'all could give some advice/guidence on this awful day. Sorry for the length but I wanted to explain and then ask questions. I went in for a sono last Monday and the baby was showing to be smaller than she should be but I have had lots of blood pressure issues so they assumed my high bp was affecting her growth. Today I went to another high risk dr for another sono to see what he thought and they told me something was wrong with the fluid (which looked great last week) and then said there wasn't a heartbeat anymore. I thought my son being born at 27 weeks and spending months into NICU was hard but it's nothing compared to today. I am at the hospital as they said it would take 2-3 days for me to deliver because my body isn't ready yet. They have induced me and the contractions have started but it's only been a few hours. I am 20 weeks I forgot to mention that. I don't even know where to start..g husband and I have decided we want to hold our daughter and we want to have a burial service. Is there anything else you suggest we do that you did or wish you did? How did you do the service? Also I had a c section for my son so I have never even experienced labor I told my husband this seems like a cruel joke I didn't want to go through labor and now I have to with no baby to take home at the end. This is so unfair!!!! I know you all have been here and know how I feel. I just feel so lost! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you.

ajsweeton · May 2014

****ticker warning****

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet little girl. We hate to welcome new loss moms here, but I think you've found the right place. There are a lot of women here who've been through similar situations that can help give you comfort.

I would advise you to spend as much time with your daughter aaas you'd like. This will be the last time you get to spend with her. Also, I'd also advise you to take lots of pictures, even if you don't think you'll want them now you may want them later. My most treasured things are my pictures of my babies. There's a company called now I lay me down to sleep that takes professional pictures. You may want to get a blanket or an outfit for her something that you can keep later. We had some bears and a blanket that we kept. Our nurses also took impressions of our babies hands and feet. Those are so special.

Again I'm so very sorry that you're having to go through this. No one should have to go through the loss of a child. Sending you thoughts and prayers.

bunnybun4 · May 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Please use this board as much as you want to vent or to ask questions. PP gave you excellent advice...I echo spending as much time with her as you need and taking pictures.

((hugs))

schulme2 · May 2014

I'm so sorry about the loss of your little girl. I would definitely make sure you get lots of pictures, hand and footprints and if you can get then, I would suggest the mold kits to take a mold of her hands/feet. And I would definitely echo having a blanket to wrap her in that you will keep after.
Again, so sorry... Please let us know if there's anything else we can do to help.

mingaling2 · May 2014

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

diamante1181 · May 2014

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say to please be kind to yourself. There will be a lot of ups and downs. Use this board as much as you need to.

TeamWinForever · May 2014

I am so, so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. As others have said, we're sorry that you are here but you found the right place. I agree 100% with taking pictures, even if right now you don't think that you want too. Spend as much time with her as you need. Unfortunately, you will have to make some decisions such as burial vs creamation so it may help to start thinking and discussing what you think is appropriate and what you would like. That way, when the time comes and the hospital asks, you aren't blindsided. I am so sorry that you have to go through this and I hope that you find this board to be a supportive and helpful place as you navigate this difficult process.

ikrystal · May 2014

I am so sorry to hear about your little one. I'm a little late to this post, so many people have already given good advice. If I had done anything different, I would have brought something from home for our boys. We never did that, even though we had the time to. I just didn't want to prepare for their eventual arrival and then later death. What we have of them are donations from the hospital like blankets and hats, but it would have been more special if we had brought items for our boys from home. ((hugs)). My thoughts are with you.

MCH77 · May 2014

** siggy **

I'm so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))

The ladies above gave some amazing advice. I also agree with the pictures. There is a program called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. Where volunteer photographers come up to take pictures for you. A friend of mine does it. It might be something for you to look into.

Please know we are thinking of you.

lexusolsen · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. In addition to the wonderful advice you have been given, I think you should consider who you want to with you at the hospital and whether or not you want visitors.

shandorfml2 · May 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. The ladies have given you great advice,.. ((((hugs)))

VyD81 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I understand having to go through labor seems like a cruel joke. However, after going through labor and delivering my son, I'm thankful for the experience of birthing him.

People have given you great advice. If you can, I would suggest keeping her receiving blanket, I wish I kept the blanket my son was wrapped in.

Many hugs.

Bgirma · May 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. I just want to chime in to agree with previous posters about spending time with your daughter and taking pictures. I wasn't sure if I wanted pictures or even wanted to hold my son but I'm so glad that we did. I was in shock but I'm so glad that I have those memories.

Also, regarding labor, I can empathize. It seems so cruel but my husband kept telling me that being in labor and delivering our son is something that I get to do for him and allows us to have memorial service (which I'm so glad we did- it was important for us and our families).

I'll be thinking about you over the next few days. I know they will be difficult.

lrichmond86 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. As others have said, I would recommend you take lots of pictures. We didn't take many. It was such a difficult, personal, private tune that we didn't want anyone with us and we were so busy spending the little time we had with our son that we really didn't think of it. I wish that I had more. Much love to your family as you begin this journey of loss.

stefuge · May 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. The other ladies have given you good advice and I just want to add that I am so sorry that you are joining us here.

Jellybean71514 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss and joining in late but all of the advice given is great and I echo all suggestions - spend time with her if you can.... hold and kiss her if it's manageable for you and make sure you get pictures you will want them later even if it's too hard right now to handle - I cherish the kisses I gave my son before we let him go. xo

MrsLaurenandDan · May 2014

I am so sorry. I don't know if she was born yet (my L&D took 2 days) but I would also recommend NILMDTS. You can also decide if you want your older child to come to the hospital for pictures. My oldest was also a preemie, and I had similar thoughts to you. I love our family pictures from NIMDTS. I have one in my siggy, and here is another from my blog.

Olismom · May 2014

Thank you all for your replies they were very helpful. She was born on Friday night at 6:09 we held her and they took pictures for us and did the feet prints. The grandparents were there to say goodbye I'm gal they were able to do that. Today we told our 4 year old son and he seemed to understand but it was a hard day!