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MIL on Mother's Day

ktmcg22ktmcg22 member
in August 2014 Moms

Good morning ladies! I hope you all had a very Happy Mother's Day!

So I wanted to ask your opinion on something...Yesterday I text my MIL a nice message about Mother's Day and sent her a cute pic of DS. My husband and I also sent her a card. My MIL lives in Maine and we live in Illinois. So after I sent her the text message, I saw that she read it but never wrote me back. She never said thanks or Happy Mother's Day. I didn't say anything to my husband at first, but after about 2 hours went by and she still didn't write back to me I started to cry. I told my husband that I was hurt and he agreed that she should have reached out to me. I asked him not to say anything to her, but of course he did.

By this time, it was 9 pm in Maine and she only wrote me Happy Mother's Day after my husband said something to her. Would you guys be hurt too or am I just being overly emotional?? I feel like she holds so much against me because we live in IL near my family. She has done stuff like this before...sent a Valentine's Day card to just my husband and DS, then on Easter sent a big package of gifts for just my husband and DS. My feelings are starting to get really hurt.

Should I try to address her about this all?

 

Thanks ladies :)

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day

  • Rstar1Rstar1 member
    Good morning to you too! Maybe some people are old fashioned and still expect a phone call rather than a text message. A phone call is more intimate than texting. Your intention were coming from the right place, but if I were you, I would not  keep expectations from others or wait for their acknowledgement or their reaction. Do your good deed and keep trucking forward. If she doesn't acknowledge you on Valentines or Easter, then you are obligated to even text her, the card was enough.
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  • salsy2012salsy2012 member
    I agree with Pink. I think it's a bit of an overreaction.

    Yes, maybe she should have thanked you for your sentiments but it was a text. Not an elaborate gift that requires a huge thank you.

    I would just try to let it go.
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  • ktmcg22ktmcg22 member

    Thanks for your thoughts guys...they all make sense!

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  • Venus04Venus04 member
    Agree with others. I think to the generation above us, a text isn't that personal and doesn't warrant a big reaction or thank you. Not that it wasn't sweet of you to send! And yeah, you're not her mom, so she doesn't owe you anything. But I can understand wanting a quick acknowledgement that you sent her a text. I texted my own MIL and she didn't respond, but then I felt pretty shitty about only texting versus calling. She and I both kind of half-assed it. ;) 
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  • Rstar1Rstar1 member
    Good luck! and take care :)
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  • shutaffshutaff member
    I agree with others who said that you may have been a little emotional about the text (Hey, I've done it too!) but with your history, I see why you would automatically assume the worst. I have had a tough MIL situation too, so I can sympathize. Just do your best to take it in stride and not put your hubby in the middle, if at all possible. If you can ignore her inappropriate behavior, you will come out looking like the bigger person.
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  • meggyskimeggyski member
    I also agree that if it had just been this one instance, you might be reacting a little to much, but considering she's sent Valentines and Easter gifts to your hubby and son, it seems like a pattern to me, and it might be worth addressing with her.

    Since she did finally send you a text after husband said something, I don't think you should bring Mother's Day up on its own. You might send her a note saying you noticed she didn't include you on Valentines and Easter presents, and ask her if she is angry with you over something. Sometimes it helps to air these things out, it's at least worth a shot. 

    FWIW, My MIL does the same passive-aggressive stuff (also probably related to some anger over me "taking her son away" to live on other side of the state). She emails me and says that she wants to come visit her son, misses her son, and never mentions visiting "us" or missing "us." I confronted her about it once, and she apologized, but she still does it every time she talks about coming over. Another example- we were at her place for Thanksgiving and I walked in the door first, but she brushed me aside to give her son a hug and didn't bother hugging me. I know these are little, petty things, but they add up, and it is really frustrating. Anyhow, I can definitely relate to where you are coming from. Sorry you have to deal with this!

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