Naming baby for MIL- again?

AppleGrapeMSTK · May 2014

DS is named after MIL's dad because DH thought it would mean so much to her. DH never met his grandpa, so it was all for MIL. We just found out yesterday that MIL had stroke #5 and is now immobile, so we aren't sure how much longer she will be around.

I have been toying with baby names that would honor her, but I wonder if it's too much? That would make two babies named for her side of the family and none for mine. For a girl it wouldn't be too bad because the middle name would be after my mom. The only boy name on my side of the family is passed from father to son (my brother is a III, so IV is reserved for his future kid).

MIL is not very lucid and has a hard time forming new memories- I don't even think she would notice if we did name the baby after her.

So what do you think? Would you name two of your children for the same person? Do you think feelings would be hurt if baby was named after one side of the family and not the other?

archi35 · May 2014

I think its a super personal decision and probably everyone has a different nuance to what they would do. For me though, I would not feel comfortable having a one-sided naming and even if no one said anything it would feel odd as time went on. If I had a first name that went to my side, then I would consider the MIL for the middle name although even that seems a bit much for me personally. Can you do your mom as the first? I agree that the naming will be more for you guys than her (sadly) so it seems like it is more about what you and your hubby are comfortable doing.

fireflyrebirth · May 2014

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your MIL. My thoughts with you and your husband.

Secondly, hmm...I don't know? Ultimately I think you should do whatever you feel compelled to do. If she is not lucid then it is more about you and your husband and how you want to honor her.

For a girl, would you consider using her name as the middle name instead?

As for boys' names from your side, there are really no other family names besides the one getting passed down father to son? None at all?

bumpuser10309732 · May 2014

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother in law. T&P are with your family. The death of a parent is so difficult.

As for the name I agree that it is your choice on if you choose to honor her in that way. I know that my parents would not get offended by the names of our children because we chose DH's family names. As personal preference I love names that tend to mean something to the parents.

If you don't have a female name on your side of the family then make one a family name.

lrobi13 · May 2014

Sorry to hear about your MIL. I think this is your child and you can name it in honor of whomever you choose, especially if you like the name. I think it is a sweet thing to do no matter if MIL realizes it and that this baby will have that connection.

I am naming my lo after DH's dad (who passed 10 years ago) so it will have no connection to any of my family's names however my brother is the 5th and the name needs to stop! I could see my dad's face when I said this baby was essentially not going to have a name associated with his but he is still super happy about the baby regardless of the name.

SusieBW · May 2014

I feel like when you use a family name for a baby, you're doing it to honor that person (or that person's memory in a lot of cases), but I feel like you're doing it for yourself, not for that person, exactly. I'm not sure if that makes sense. My DD's middle name is Esther, for my Nana, who passed away 9 years before DD was born. My Nana will obviously never know that DD has her name, but I know, and that's what matters. So what I'm saying is that I don't think it's important that your MIL may never realize that your baby is named for her, what's important is whether you and your DH want to use her name.

I wouldn't think twice about naming two kids for the same person or for the same side of the family if that person or those people were important to DH and I and were people that we wanted to honor, or whose memories we wanted to honor. We've toyed with the idea of naming this baby for my Nana's father, but his name was Axel, and we only like it with the Swedish pronunciation (ox-el, instead of axe-l, so NOT like Axl Rose), and it would bug me to be correcting people all the time. It's still a possibility for a middle name, though.

ANGnJON · May 2014

So sorry to hear about your MIL! I think you need to follow your heart & name your LO as you see fit! Regardless what you choose to do, I would hope that both side of your family would respect your decision! I wish your MIL a speedy recovery & I will keep you all in my T&P!

MrsSarahRenee · May 2014

I am so sorry to hear about your MIL. I have a feeling that this is a highly emotional time for your family and your husband. Perhaps putting off this conversation until the high emotions have subsided a bit? If she isn't lucid, it isn't as if he is wanting to tell her the plan.
I agree with pp that it is a personal decision about who you want to honor. There isn't really a tradition of it on my side of the family but there is on DH's so we don't have any issue there.
I hope things work out but with larger issues regarding MIL health and care, approaching name decisions with DH might be easier later on in the pregnancy when things are less fresh.

Starfish17 · May 2014

I think it's completely up to you. DS and DD both have middle names from my side (my parents' middle names) so neither are named for someone from DH's side. Not sure what we are doing with this one, but he doesn't feel strongly one way or another about using a name from his side. No matter what you do with baby names, someone is always going to be unhappy!

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