Childcare - Need Advice!

Lizoliva12 · May 2014

Hi Everyone,

So now that I have posted quite a bit I will go ahead and do a little intro as well....My name is Liz and I live in Atlanta GA. I am 26 years old - and having a BC baby. In the beginning of January I had an ovarian cyst...after consulting with my GYN she suggested to change my BC from Ortho Tri to Ortho Tri Lo. Somehow in the change, we are now blessed with a beautiful, growing little boy!! Liam Matthew. At first, I was beyond shocked, scared....but now we are over the moon excited to meet our little one. A bit about me and SO: we are now engaged, but have been together only about 7 months. He is most definitely the love of my life, and as they say 'sometimes you know' - this is one of those circumstances. Although we are engaged we aren't even thinking about wedding plans until after Liam is born.

We are trying to take everything one step at a time, but are pretty clueless! Not many of my close friends have children...so I've really been reading all of the advice that you Mother's have put on this board....our most recent roadblock has been childcare!

We were discussing last night what we are going to do when my Maternity Leave pay runs out (8 weeks), what we will do. SO mentioned yesterday that I wouldn't need to work, he could support us both...and while I would love to stay home...my insurance through my company is fantastic and I'm not sure I want to give that up. But then thinking about putting Liam at 3 months into a daycare service would kill me. I don't think I could do that...someone suggested to me trying to find a 'group' in home daycare. I love this idea! I would like to get to know the families, etc...but HOW do I go about finding this. I imagine living in Atlanta there has the be groups like this....Does anyone have suggestions as far as how/where to find information on this? I'm kinda skeptical about the Craigslist thing...Also, as far as cost - really depending on how much this costs would depend on if it would be more affordable for me to stay home...ugh I just need advice...

Can anyone help? Thanks in advance for all of your insight. I cherish you ladies!

jess123456 · May 2014

You might consider looking for a local parent email list through Big Tent or Yahoo Groups and asking local parents if they have any recommendations.

SarahHeck · May 2014

Google nanny share Atlanta or go to care.com

carcrashheart · May 2014

Do your research and due diligence with in home care. It seems so hit or miss. We didn't trust random granny schmo so we did not go this route. Make sure they are certified, following state mandated protocol, etc. if you are looking to nanny share I would do your research regarding that as well and determine what kinds of deal breakers you have. For instance, a mom friend has a no tv rule and the other nanny share children did not so the tv was on more than she wanted. To do nanny sharing typically it is something that the parents team up to do. Not something that is necessarily advertised. Check to see what the ratio of infants to providers is in your state as well.

I wouldn't want to lose my insurance either. If you are already planning on getting married you could do so on the down low at the court house so that you could get SO's insurance. I couldn't deal with putting DS in to daycare at 3 months old either and decided to stay home at the last minute.

mb314 · May 2014

There are advantages and disadvantages to both staying home and returning to work. It is not an easy decision, and I will tell you it is really hard those first few weeks dropping your LO off at daycare. I have always been career-driven and there was never a doubt in my mind that I would go back to work. But when it came time to take DS to daycare for the first time, it was heart-wrenching at first. Finding the right daycare is extremely important. once we switched to a daycare I was more comfortable with, it got a lot easier. DS has thrived in daycare, and now that he's 20 months, I see how much he benefits from it..

Here's some advice:
--I know you get 8 weeks paid, but check with your employer about how much time you can take off unpaid to maximize your maternity leave. The longer you are able to stay home, the more mentally ready you will be to return to work. FMLA (if you employer is available) allows up to 12 weeks of leave (unpaid). My state extends that to 16 weeks.

- Start your daycare search NOW! I started looking for daycare for DS when I was 4 months pregnant and I was already too late. Every decent place in my area had a long wait list. It is never too early to look, even if you're not sure you want to go back to work.

- Look at both in-home and traditional daycare facilities. There are advantages to each. DS is in an larger in-home environment, and we are super happy there. But there are great daycare facilities too. One of the big downsides of an inhome daycare is that they can close for vacation or sick days and you can be left scrambling for care for your LO. And they can have less flexible hours. In home daycares are often cheaper, so that is a big advantage.

- For finding daycares:
* My state has a list of licensed facilities and in home daycares, and that was a great place for me to start (in the end, I ended up with a un-licensed in home daycare, but that's another story).
* Do you have a neighborhood list-serve or facebook group? That is a great place to find local care providers. Or as PP suggested, try to find mom groups in your area. Talk to random moms in the grocery store. When I got pregnant, I contacted this woman that I barely knew but she was willing to talk to me about her daycare experience.
* Try care.com.

GOOD LUCK!

Love4Science · May 2014

Not sure how to tell you to find care, but we knew that we were going with a larger center over in-home or nanny so that's all we looked at. DH is a doctor and had 2 shaken babies on his service the week before I looked at daycares. Both were by private in-home or nanny care providers. That sealed the deal for us. Good centers screen, train, and emotionally support their staff. Independent small providers don't get those perks. And you have to do all the screening yourself, which is not easy.

krgriffin26 · May 2014

I'm in the same boat at PP. I have heard way too many horror stories to go with in home daycare. I actually knew someone who ran one and I would have never left my child in her care. Actually we just had a very popular in home daycare person go to prison locally for giving a baby Benadryl and the baby dying. She said it needed a nap. The woman had been in business for over 15 years and was very loved and respected by the community before this happened.

Nope nope nope and nope for me. There are several very large daycares in my area. Some even use video systems that parents can log into. The one I am choosing makes everyone in the building get CPR certified, they have to complete 25 hours of Early ED course work and 25 hours of continuing Ed or Early Ed seminars every year, teachers all have background checks and there are 3 teachers in every classroom.

All this being said... In-Home Care is MY freak out zone. I will eat any lettuce, sushi and drink coffee but this is my crazy topic. I know several people that on us in-home. They swear by it. I would say look deeply into the providers (in-home or day care) that you find. Look for reviews and once you interview them, talk to parents.

MrsDL · May 2014

Congrats! It's a lot to weight-out. I agree that in-home care, while a little less expensive at least in our area, is hit or miss. Make sure you get plenty of recommendations and that the provider is certified and regulated by your state, and that they only hire certified employees.

What do you mean by "daycare service" - like a center? I think these can be hit or miss but around here, they are more like schools. Our son started at 4 months, it's more like a school. I also had a pre-conceived notions before I visited these places, but I love my son's daycare center. As they get older, they go on field trips, I've gotten progress reports since he was 4 months old, they have parent-teacher conferences, all sorts of activities in which they try to get parents involved by volunteering. We've gotten to know some other families very well, some with older children in the other classrooms who are very involved. Parents volunteer for reading day, cultural day, really - a ton of hands-on things. All the providers are certified, once the kids get to the 3 year old room and up the teachers are teachers - they have degrees in education. They start soccer at two, Spanish at 3, and computer class at 3. There isn't a day where I worry about him being engaged and well cared for. Plus, security is tight. I'm not worried about people coming and going from somebody's house - a center you pretty much have to be buzzed in a security door, the outdoor play areas are all secured, and they have a finger print scanner for check-in/check-out. Anyone who works for the school is background checked.

Like everything, there are pros and cons and for centers you need to find the right fit - but you would be amazed - they are not like what you would think (I was afraid of the idea before DS while I was pregnant and before we started visiting them) - they are like schools. They cost a bit more than in-home in most areas, but the peace of mind and what your child gets out of it is a lot so don't be afraid to check them out.

sunflwra · May 2014

I just wanted to share that some daycare centers can be very homey. Everyone has to make the right choice for them, but I had concerns about going with an in-home daycare mainly bc I like knowing that there are multiple car providers there at all times. The daycare we took my daughter to was a center but their infant room teachers loved my daughter like she was their own. You just have to get the feel for whoever you look at- some you will know you can walk away from right away but hopefully you will find one that makes you feel comfortable.

smboswell1 · May 2014

I live in stone mountain:) have you thought about a nanny? I get 12 dollars an hour babysitting a family in my neighborhood. 12 is pretty high but both parents have great jobs! They are home a lot but have conference calls and ect.

smboswell1 · May 2014

mb314 said:
There are advantages and disadvantages to both staying home and returning to work. It is not an easy decision, and I will tell you it is really hard those first few weeks dropping your LO off at daycare. I have always been career-driven and there was never a doubt in my mind that I would go back to work. But when it came time to take DS to daycare for the first time, it was heart-wrenching at first. Finding the right daycare is extremely important. once we switched to a daycare I was more comfortable with, it got a lot easier. DS has thrived in daycare, and now that he's 20 months, I see how much he benefits from it..

Here's some advice:
--I know you get 8 weeks paid, but check with your employer about how much time you can take off unpaid to maximize your maternity leave. The longer you are able to stay home, the more mentally ready you will be to return to work. FMLA (if you employer is available) allows up to 12 weeks of leave (unpaid). My state extends that to 16 weeks.

- Start your daycare search NOW! I started looking for daycare for DS when I was 4 months pregnant and I was already too late. Every decent place in my area had a long wait list. It is never too early to look, even if you're not sure you want to go back to work.

- Look at both in-home and traditional daycare facilities. There are advantages to each. DS is in an larger in-home environment, and we are super happy there. But there are great daycare facilities too. One of the big downsides of an inhome daycare is that they can close for vacation or sick days and you can be left scrambling for care for your LO. And they can have less flexible hours. In home daycares are often cheaper, so that is a big advantage.

- For finding daycares:
* My state has a list of licensed facilities and in home daycares, and that was a great place for me to start (in the end, I ended up with a un-licensed in home daycare, but that's another story).
* Do you have a neighborhood list-serve or facebook group? That is a great place to find local care providers. Or as PP suggested, try to find mom groups in your area. Talk to random moms in the grocery store. When I got pregnant, I contacted this woman that I barely knew but she was I think we both need time to cool off. It's unhealthy for me to talk to you when I don't even know if you want to be with me. So, text me when you know what you want. I need a break from all of this stress and constant worry. willing to talk to me about her daycare experience.
* Try care.com.

GOOD LUCK!

I actually got scammed using care.com. Awful experience:(

Lizoliva12 · May 2014

First of all, thank you all so very much for the words of wisdom and great advice!!

I have looked at care.com as well...really just trying to explore all options at this point...

In regards to the daycare centers, I initally immediately ruled them out simply because I didn't want my 3 month old around lots of running, sweaty toddlers...(sorry I probably sound bratty but that is the image that was implanted in my head)...but after reading some of your reviews I actually am probably leaning a little more towards that now. After all, they are screened, background checked, and CPR certified...I just seem to think with all the kids maybe there would be more sickness spreading, etc? I know, I know...I'm a FTM so bear with me

As far as the stay-at-home part, I guess I am a little scared. I am very independent and career-driven. I think I would be scared that I would be bored at home? I probably will be eating these words right when Liam is born but does every mother enjoy being at home with the kids? I know that sounds bad?? I don't know, it's hard because I don't have any children so I'm really relying on y'alls (yes I'm southern!) advice and past experiences.

I'm going to do some research of my own on individual insurance for myself...Liam will be covered under Daddy if I choose not to return to my job..

Again, thank you all for your wise words. Trust that I am reading all of these!!!

mb314 · May 2014

Lizoliva12 said:

In regards to the daycare centers, I initally immediately ruled them out simply because I didn't want my 3 month old around lots of running, sweaty toddlers...

It's actually the opposite. Most centers divide children up by ages fairly strictly, so babies are not with toddlers. Many have an "under 1" room or a "crawling/not yet walking" room, etc. That is something to ask about when you visit.

Most in-home daycares do not divide the kids so strictly, and kids of different ages co-mingle a lot more. Typically, there is one caregiver and 3 to 5 kids of varying ages. As DS got to be more interactive after about month 7 or 8, he really loved watching and interacting with the "older" kids. There was one girl who was about 18 months when he was 9 months, and they would just make each other giggle (and it was adorable to see).

Anyhoo, visit both in home and facility daycares and see what best fits your family. Good luck.

momtojad · May 2014

It's a tough decision. I had 12 weeks off and there was no way I could put my child in daycare so my hubs quit his job and is a SAHD. It works best for us. I don't have to take off work if he is sick or needs to go to a doctors appointment but I do get sad that he doesn't have all the interaction that a daycare offers.

sunflwra · May 2014

Daycares definitely tend to be very segregated by age. Our current center moves the kids every 6 months but others go longer. They also have very strict requirements on their child to teacher ratios.

Regarding sickness- they are going to get exposed at some point. A friend of mine sent her first to daycare and then stayed at home with her second. The daycare child got sick during her first year but then things tapered off. Her second rarely got sick until she started school and then she was overrun and had to miss a lot of school.

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