Delayed PPD/PPA/PTSD/something something something Dark Side

gutsymama · May 2014

After the conversation DH and I had after I read my letters this morning, about L&D and early motherhood, I'm trying to come around to admitting that maybe it would be a good idea for me to talk to a therapist.

I'm fairly certain that I've been fishing for somebody to push me in that direction this entire time, but that I've also felt silly needing that since I'm "such a strong person" and I'm so good a joking around and shrugging things off physically and emotionally. And so nobody has ever followed through with the emotional battle that began a year ago.

I hate feeling like I need help. I've felt silly thinking about asking for it. I've convinced myself I don't need it, because I know how hard it is for me and I know exactly what I'm struggling with and in theory I know exactly how to solve the personal struggles I've found myself up against. I know exactly why this current month is difficult and what to do to solve it, even though those things don't address the larger issues that are always involved. And yes, I saw the thread a few days ago and this wouldn't be different if it were a physical issue - I'm afraid of being diagnosed and prescribed psychoactive meds and I'm not one to take meds for physical ailments either - I've had 3 knee surgeries and have quit taking narcotics within 24 hours of each surgery because I don't like how they make me feel

I'm having a really hard time admitting that I could use some help. The hardest part is admitting this to DH, even though he's been encouraging it for a long time. I don't want to be a failure, and I feel like if I give in to this it will mean that I'm unable to cope, unable to handle things the way I should be able to. We've come through so much, I should be able to do a little more, right? But I'm at a breaking point and I don't know how to recover myself.

KateJuly2013 · May 2014

I am having such similar feelings! But I didnt have to go through what you did. Nothing even close. You are not alone. You should not be ashamed.

I admire you for all your courage.

theuntaggablek · May 2014

Strong women need help, too, sometimes. Part of what makes them strong is their willingness to lean on somebody else sometimes.

lancomechica · May 2014

First...hugs! Second...I am sure you are a lot like me based on your description...I HATE asking for help or letting anyone know I don't understand something. It is a huge problem for me...and it is something I worked on in our pre-marital counseling because husband brought it up as being an issue. Funny but I also refused narcotics when prescribed for my tooth and basically any other time they have been prescribed...no thanks...I can do without it and suffer what ever pain comes my way. If its too much for advil...so be it.

Talking to someone in counseling is really great. I did it after my issues with domestic violence with a previous partner and getting out how I felt and being able to express my anger to someone who was a total 3rd party was really great. Our pre-marital counseling with a social worker was also really great to have someone validate my feelings about wanting to move away from Virginia and not making me feel like I was a bad person for wanting to do so.

You may just need that. Sometimes we can't do it all and sometimes an internet board just isn't enough.

DenverBride2005 · May 2014

Hugs! As PPs said, there is definitely no shame in talking to someone. You have given so much of yourself in the last year, it's okay to take some time to focus on you!

Unknown · May 2014

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notaffected1 · May 2014

Please please please do not feel like a failure for asking for help! By asking for help, you are working at being an even better mama than you already are! If you ever feel bad for asking for help, just look at that precious little guy and remind yourself that you are doing this for him, as much as you're doing it for yourself.

Hugs to you

martyn17 · May 2014

You are strong AND awesome AND you need a little help. You have got through this past year with strength, good humor, and grace. You deserve a medal. And a little help. Someone to talk to. Some professional advice.

This mom stuff isn't easy for anyone. You've had a particularly tough initiation. You CAN cope and you know yourself well enough to find coping strategies, such as talking with a therapist.

Big hugs. Keep us updated.

jeng100 · May 2014

After just finally admitting that I need help, I understand what you mean. It sounds cliche, but I think that admitting it really is the first step, and hardest part. You are not a failure, and it does not make you weak at all. There is nothing wrong with seeking help! Maybe try therapy before considering meds if it bothers you?

Karebear6978 · May 2014

U r such a strong woman and asking for help does not make u any less of one. Ur life changed in a major way that u were not expecting when Lucas was born and it has not been easy. No one will look down upon u for needing help. U r a great mother!

dinomama13 · May 2014

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. One look into that sweet boys eyes and looking back at how far you've all come should be enough to convince you that you are not. There is nothing wrong with talking to someone. It doesn't make you any less stronger. If you need it seek it. Don't be ashamed. We are all here for you >:D<

Lelo2006 · May 2014

You amaze me every day!

summerchild · May 2014

There is strength in being willing to acknowledge when you need help. You have gone through the ringer and taking care of yourself and acknowledging how awesome you are for dealing with it all and getting support will make you only that much stronger! Huge hugs!

KMRR86 · May 2014

>:D<

WifeyLovesHubs · May 2014

Everyone has said it- you are not a failure. Please believe us all when we say how strong you are for admitting you've reached your limit. You go through these struggles with such grace... If this was Lucas you would do whatever needed to be done. Take care of yourself now, FOR Lucas. Sending you lots of hugs. I hope you get the help you need so you don't feel overwhelmed.

Married071709 · May 2014

You are such an amazing person and mom. You are so far from a failure. You are strong. It's ok to get help. Please talk to someone. You will probably feel so much better. ((((Hugs))))

I'm going to send you a PM in a min too.

thegoodpotato · May 2014

You are not a failure for needing help!

It is amazing that you haven't asked for help before. I hope it helps you sort out your feelings. Just because you've been strong for so long doesn't mean it's wrong to have someone help ease the load.

Lots of hugs!

>:D<

arlingirl · May 2014

You are not a failure for needing help!

There is nothing wrong with talking to someone and getting the help you need. *huge hugs*

dliz87 · May 2014

I hope you realize how STRONG you are for admitting you might need help. That's a very brave thing.

You should know that we all think you're amazing. I hope you can talk everything out with someone so you know the same thing.

merc5411 · May 2014

Everyone has said exactly what I was going to say. You are not a failure in ANY way! Huge hugs!!

Pink724 · May 2014

You are an amazing person and asking for help is a huge, admirable step. You have been through so much >:D<

JTA2426 · May 2014

As many have said, you're not "failing" at anything! You're an awesome mom and so, so tough for dealing with all of this. It will be so much better for all three of you in the long run if you at the very least talk to someone. You might need meds, you might not, but the important thing is taking that first step. What you're dealing with is so normal for NICU and beyond.

KikiCohen · May 2014

Part of being strong is being able to realize when it's time to ask for help. It happens to a lot of us at various times and for various reasons. My advice to you is to be your own advocate in therapy. You may find that you only need a few sessions to get your thoughts out, or many sessions to explore deeper issues that may surface. Either way, make sure you insist on getting as much or as little as YOU need. In regards to meds, not all therapists are med happy. Make sure they know up front that you want meds to be a last resort. A huge portion of the success of therapy is the match between the counselor and the client, so if after your first session the therapist is trying to push a bunch of pills at you, they probably weren't listening and you need to find someone new.

In December 2011, DH started having some chest pains one night. We passed it off as indigestion. The next morning, he was getting a shower and he told me that he couldn't feel his hands. Then he passed out. I had no idea if he was having a heart attack or stroke or what. After calling 911, going to the ER, being admitted and having numerous tests, doctors found that his thyroid had basically shut down and hadn't been functioning for a long time. A normal person's Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) level should be somewhere around 3. His was in the 300's. Every doctor and nurse that saw that said that they've never seen anything close to that before. This sent his heart into afib (when it beats out of rhythm) and basically his body was shutting down. Looking back, there were some warning signs we missed, but each one of them could have been attributed to something else. Anyway, after he was released, I was an absolute mess. I kept freaking out that he would pass out again or that the afib would come back. For two weeks, I barely slept, couldn't eat, couldn't get calmed down. Finally, DH ended up taking me to the ER where I got a prescription for a PRN anti-anxiety med and a referral to a therapist. I needed the meds to break the cycle of anxiety and calm down. It took three months of therapy (but only three doses of the meds!), but I finally got back to being myself and learned how to manage my anxiety.

Sorry for the book, but I just wanted to share my experience. (hugs)

Carrie3102 · May 2014

Offering more support and hugs. Everyone here has covered everything. Gotta take care of you mama.

EagleWife · May 2014

Big hugs, Mimi. I'm so impressed with your strength and grace over this past year. That you are just now getting to the breaking point speaks volumes. I hope that talking to someone will help you feel better. It is hard to admit that we need help, especially when moms are supposed to be able to do everything.

Hang in there. I hope that talking to someone helps you feel better.

ETA: I just realized that I repeated myself. repeated myself. Ugh. Need more coffee.

@-)

[Deleted User] · May 2014

Hugs Mimi! You're a wonderful person and mama.

giraffeluvspi · May 2014

First, A+ on the title. This is why I love you.

Second, you'll never know unless you go. If you don't like it, or find it doesn't really help, then you can find a new therapist or accept it isn't for you. Either way you deserve to be happy, so do everything you can to make that happen.

Third, get on in here for a big ole hug!

>:D<

karen0477 · May 2014

>:D< you are an amazing, strong momma.....you've been through so much more than many of us. Now is the time for you, I'm glad you're taking the step to get some help when you feel you need it.....

PrimRoseMama · May 2014

Being strong also means admitting when you need help. There is nothing wrong with reaching out. Huge hugs.

queenbone · May 2014

((HUGE HUGS))

I don't think seeking help makes one a failure, rather it is seeking support for you to continue to be successful at your job (motherhood.)

Hilaboo86 · May 2014

So you need a little help? Look at what all you have charged through in the past year like super woman! Put that cape away for a little while and let someone help YOU. you need some you time mama. Take care of yourself! I admire the shit out of you. and also....I'm with you. I had someone PM me the other day after their post, and I'm a little afraid that I'm ppd as well. So late! I'm only a PM away if you want to talk. My bet is we have a lot of similar issues we have shunned off.

merc5411 · May 2014

@mimi4347 YGPM

WanderingA · May 2014

Oh Mimi, big BIG hugs for you. I can relate to this more than anyone knows and I will just say that being strong enough to ask for help shows what an incredibly strong woman and momma you are. You are such a great mom to to your LO and such a great friend to many of the woman on this board, you deserve to be as happy and at peace as you can be. Much love!
:x

kbugcmommy · May 2014

You are an amazing and strong person. Reading about your adventures with Lucas and the way you have taken everything in stride has taught me a lot, as crazy as that sounds. Lucas is one lucky boy to have you as his mommy. Now, take care of yourself so you can give your boy the best you! No shame.

opheliainwaders · May 2014

Oh, Mimi, I know you wouldn't think any less of any of us for getting help if we needed it (and I suspect you'd think we we're strong for recognizing we needed help, and getting it!); I just hope you can give yourself the kindness to see that, too!

Giggity.

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Delayed PPD/PPA/PTSD/something something something Dark Side

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