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I'm pregnant not incompetent

at931902at931902 member
in 2nd Trimester
I know how this is going to sound, but hear me out:
I've been very independent since a young age and I'm used to hard work. I totally get that since I'm pregnant now, I have to watch how I work i.e. how much I lift, climbing up and down off of things, etc. But why is it that people automatically swing you into the "incapable" category the minute they realize you're pregnant? So far I've been berated for standing on a chair by a co-worker and then in the grocery store yesterday I had a woman lecture me because I picked up a gallon of milk. I'm at 24 weeks and I'm showing of course, but this just really irritates. I know I should take the special treatment and run with it, but it feels insincere on my end.

I guess I'm just tired of the assumption that all pregnant women are a bunch of hormonal whack jobs that can't make a competent decision until after the baby is born. I know we have our days but I don't recall losing all of my intelligence at the moment of conception. I can make decisions all by myself, I can drive myself, I can travel (within reason). I'm just wondering if the "special" treatment and protectiveness drives other people nutty sometimes as well....
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Re: I'm pregnant not incompetent

  • MrsSinner402MrsSinner402 member
    A gallon of milk is a bit ridiculous, but I definitely agree that you shouldn't be standing on chairs. Especially now that you're showing. That's just unnecessarily dangerous.






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  • abbyfulabbyful member
    MrsSinner402 said:

    A gallon of milk is a bit ridiculous, but I definitely agree that you shouldn't be standing on chairs. Especially now that you're showing. That's just unnecessarily dangerous.

    I agree. When I was pregnant with DS, I didn't realize how much my balance was off until I was playing with my nephew at the beach climbing on rocks (low rocks, just looking for crabs) at about 20 weeks. It's not only the weight, your center of gravity changes.
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  • LaurenWarwickLaurenWarwick member
    I feel exactly the same way! I know my body and I know my limits, Thank you very much. My doc said listen to your body, and I'm capable of that all by myself. I also resent the "all pregnant women are crazy and hormonal" stigma. I would say that so far I've been more patient with people than before I was pregnant, and happier more often. Of course, I have my moments, Just like when I want pregnant, so that's nothing new! Ugh.

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  • slovacmomslovacmom member
    edited May 2014
    I get sick of it too!
    No reason to lay around getting fat, I hate that I'm expected to act like a beached whale.
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  • Dani0329Dani0329 member
    It is annoying.  A guy at work told me not to run, then I moved a chair a couple feet and he said you can't lift that, you are pregnant.  Give me a break.

     
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  • at931902at931902 member
    I agree. My balance hasn't been off at all, but my hands get wonky every once in awhile. Honestly, when it comes to personality changes, things have been very clarifying for me. The little things that I used to obsess over, I don't anymore because they don't really matter. As for my people skills, all I ask is don't assume my IQ dropped a couple points because I'm growing another human at the moment! I feel like people are overly cautious because of their own fears. If I choose to get on a chair or climb a mountain, that's my choice. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't make it wrong. Just a different point of view.
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  • portentosaportentosa member
    I am 23 weeks and continue to walk 7-10 miles a day at work and lift up to 40lbs. My son weighs 25lbs and he needs lots of lifting too. I agree that you have to be more careful during your pregnancy, but baring any complications you should be able to continue most of your pre preg activities.

    ....the standing on a chair thing makes me cringe though. Your balance changes a lot during pregnancy, and a fall would not be good at all.
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  • MneraniMnerani member
    at931902 said:
    I know how this is going to sound, but hear me out:
    I've been very independent since a young age and I'm used to hard work. I totally get that since I'm pregnant now, I have to watch how I work i.e. how much I lift, climbing up and down off of things, etc. But why is it that people automatically swing you into the "incapable" category the minute they realize you're pregnant? So far I've been berated for standing on a chair by a co-worker and then in the grocery store yesterday I had a woman lecture me because I picked up a gallon of milk. I'm at 24 weeks and I'm showing of course, but this just really irritates. I know I should take the special treatment and run with it, but it feels insincere on my end.

    I guess I'm just tired of the assumption that all pregnant women are a bunch of hormonal whack jobs that can't make a competent decision until after the baby is born. I know we have our days but I don't recall losing all of my intelligence at the moment of conception. I can make decisions all by myself, I can drive myself, I can travel (within reason). I'm just wondering if the "special" treatment and protectiveness drives other people nutty sometimes as well....
    No one treats me this way. Maybe because I don't give off a "pregnant and helpless vibe," I dunno. 

    If they did, I'd just assume they are well-intentioned and let it roll of my back. I wouldn't let it get to me unless it was MH saying stuff all the time, in which case I'd just ask him to pipe down. 

    Also, don't stand on chairs.
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  • jessandmike2013jessandmike2013 member
    Nobody is telling you you are crazy, hormonal, and incompetent. Nobody. You are creating that. Yes, they are misguided, and yes, that can be annoying, but don't make it more than that. Let it roll, who cares what they say. They are not important in your life!!!
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  • at931902at931902 member
    I think it stems from many things. 1) looks can be deceiving. I'm pretty short and slender aside from my bump. People see what they see and think they're being helpful and protective. 2) I had a medical issue back in October that took me out for about half the month. So ergo, people might be thinking that I'm not as strong as I am. It's the condescending, patronizing attitude I can't stand.  In our society pregnant women are pampered and protected. People are just moving on instinct. But I think if you know the person, you should still respect their feelings. Asking to help is one thing. Having someone tell me what I can and can't do based on their ignorance is something I can't abide. 
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  • duckrduckr member
    Wow, those people would have freaked out seeing me hike in the Grand Canyon :)
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  • allurah2014allurah2014 member
    I can see how that would be frustrating. I haven't experienced this from people, and I am a pretty active cat. The "worst" I have experienced was being asked if I would like some help carrying grocery bags to my car. It was done in a tactful manner, and I really appreciated it. Even at work, when my hip pain kicks in and I am limping, my boss doesn't even acknowledge it. I know it isn't because he doesn't care -- he just doesn't want to make me feel even more self conscious about it than I already do. Overall, I think even those that come off as insensitive are coming from a good place, they just lack the skills to express it in a tactful manner.
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  • alisonmoosealisonmoose member
    edited May 2014
    You're not alone, my mum has been driving me crazy since she found out I was pregnant, now i'm getting further along (32 weeks tomorrow) she's even worse!

    We told her I was pregnant when I was around 7 weeks, one of her main concerns was we had booked a holiday to NYC (from England) and she wanted us to cancel it.
    I told her you can fly upto 32 weeks, and I was due to fly at 22 weeks, but she still wanted us to cancel.
    We still went and had a fab time!

    When I happened to mention I was going into town she told me not to "because it was busy", she didn't want me and my husband to go to London for a few days for the same reason (We can only assume she was worried about someone bumping into me and i'd somehow lose the baby).

    I get told off for taking rubbish bags to the bin, for carrying a light box of things out to her car, she grabbed it off me and said I shouldn't be lifting anything.

    I keep telling her i know my limits, and i'm not an invalid, I can still do the things I did before, I just have more rests and don't lift anything really heavy.

    The worst was when she tried to move counties (leaving her husband in the process!), and move to my hometown, she went to the Council to try and get on the housing list and when asked if anyone living with her was pregnant, she replied "My daughter is pregnant and needs looking after", I was fuming!
    Not only do I not need looking after but I moved out of home 9 years ago and I live with my husband!

    Some people just don't know when to back off. 
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  • at931902at931902 member
    Wow! It only takes another person to give you perspective. Thanks, Ms. Moose. You have all my sympathy for the crazy mother. We make the joke that we "out-moved" everyone because we live about 600 miles away from our hometown now. Sounds like "Mum" has some boundary issues. I've got a few more months to go (26 weeks) and my mother hasn't batted an eye at many of the things I've done. Now, a few other people...well, like we've all said, it's coming from a good place.

    The fact is, we're all different. Some women (I'm talking globally,) can have children in the field and keep on working. While others would faint at the idea of not having a private room. It's all about culture. Personally, I like my independence. I listen to my body and when I'm hungry I eat, when I'm tired, I rest and when I try to do something strenuous, I test it out first instead of plowing ahead and hoping it doesn't hurt later. We all have to deal with stigmas, ignorance, and flat out lies about pregnancy. I just hope I have more grace and humility than I've had in the past.

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  • cozybluebearcozybluebear member
    I have to be honest... I kind of enjoy people taking over and volunteering to do things for me. I take full advantage of pregnancy :)
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  • bohemianlcbohemianlc member
    Just remember that people in general mean well, even the crazy lady who chastised you for picking up the gallon of milk. I guess it's better than people expecting you to do more than you can handle, right? ;)
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  • StrivingArtistStrivingArtist member
    A belated response for you, but I can't help myself, you've triggered my soapbox.

    This is my second, and with my first I was still hauling five gallon buckets of paint around a few weeks before delivery! I was standing on a ladder with a drill, working, at 33 weeks. I went into labor with paint on my hands from a work call that day. For pete's sake, I'm certain that I pretty much broke every expectation of a pregnant woman's frailty.

    Now, with my second, I have found the ultimate reply to shut down well-meaning, but ridiculous comment makers. "Would you stop me from picking up my daughter? She weighs nearly 40 lbs, this weighs less, so unless you plan to come home with me and carry her around...I'd appreciate it if you didn't stop me from doing what I am capable of doing."

    That being said, everyone is different, everyone has their own limit, and should listen to their body. But, if you feel capable of doing a thing, then by all means, do it! There is no arbitrary limit on ability due to pregnancy. Bugger the Naysayers!
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  • merey24merey24 member
    You can tell them what my doc told me. "Remember, your pregnant, not ill or disabled."
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  • efgallardayefgallarday member
    I have had sooooooooo many people tell me things, since most of my family is Hispanic, they're extra opinionated lol... From high heels to how often to have sex, it's sooooo annoying.
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  • katiescarlett1katiescarlett1 member
    My boss started doing this to me right away. "NO NO you can't carry that, I'll get it" and would snatch things out of my hand, like REALLY light things. All. The. Time. I was only 11 weeks when they found out, for goodness sake, wasn't even showing. "Are you warm, want me to turn on the fan?" 11 WEEKS PREGNANT. My reply? "I'm fine, if I'm warm I will walk over and turn it on myself. Thanks."

    It is totally annoying for people to TELL you what you aren't capable of and should/shouldn't do. If we looked like we were struggling with something, then sure, ask if we need help, but I hate the assumption that we NEED help all of the sudden. Being female is not a disability...nor is being pregnant!1!
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  • TheaRaeTheaRae member
    Goodness is this fimilar to me... I was a single mom for 2 years and have a very independent personality... I lift things mow the yard but now that I am prego my hubby has completely tabooed me doing anything, he hired a landscaper to mow the lawn and insits I call his family for help any time I need it (he works out of state 50% of the time) So now here I am lying about the fact that I pulled weeds and dusted the cealing fan... I just don't want to hear it I'm not broken. Great post
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