Mother's Day gift question (especially for moms who have had a miscarriage)

Jessimax · May 2014

Back story- my SIL lost her first baby in the second trimester a few days before my LO was born. For Mother's Day I got her a pretty charm braclet with her miscarriage date on the back of a heart that says remember and another charm with little feet. I was feeling good about it until my dad said it was an awful idea and it will upset her. So I am looking for other moms opinions, especially those who have had a loss. Good idea or no?

snmetz7 · May 2014

She's going to cry and be sad when she gets it. The first Mother's Day without your baby is very very difficult. However I think it's a lovely gesture and in the Long run she will like to have it.

ksulli · May 2014

I think it's great. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't think about that baby, so I promise that on Mother's Day you won't be 'reminding' her of the baby, which is probably why your dad thought it wasn't a great idea. My post-lost/pre baby Mother's Day was awful because I had a baby and was a mom, but nobody acknowledged it. You may be the one who makes her day.

abbeylanecb · May 2014

I think it's so thoughtful and I'm sure she will love it. I lost a baby in the second tri before having my 6 week old and no one even acknowledged it. That was and still is so hurtful. She is lucky to have you

Teresa1896 · May 2014

I had a first tri miscarriage and got myself a necklace to remember my LO. I got pregnant again right away but still like the daily reminder of my angel LO. FYI we called that LO "bean," so my necklace is a Tiffany bean.

I think it's a sweet idea. Your SIL will be sad to get it but I'm sure she will appreciate that you're honoring her LO and her as a mother.

Manda+panda · May 2014

The worst was nobody acknowledging my loss. She will cry, but it's probably going to mean more to her than she will be able to say. Doubly because she has NOTHING to hold onto of the baby she lost and because as a loss mom mothers day sucks. Men don't really get it...it's a wonderful idea. My advice would be to take her aside alone for a few minutes to give it to her so she can feel all the feelings she needs to.

My friend gave me a necklace after my miscarriage. It was something I could hold onto when I felt like I was going to fall apart. It helped to know that my child was as real to her as it was to me. It was nice that she wasn't trying to sweep it under the rug, that it was ok for me to grieve. Sometimes, that permission and acceptance is important and necessary.

rainy369 · May 2014

I think it's a wonderful idea. After my loss, Mother's Day was very hard. However, if it were me, I would want to be given the gift in private or with just DH around. That's just me, I like to keep my emotions to myself and a gift would have made me very emotional. She's lucky to have you!

Avion22 · May 2014

I think it's a wonderful idea. After our loss my husband bought me a charm bracelet --- the first charm was a flower with the baby's birth stone. Since then he's given me charms for valentines day, anniversaries, a birthstone charm for this baby, and a few others. It serves as a reminder of what we've been through as a couple, goo do times and hard times, and is very precious to me.

bootsiebabe · May 2014

I think it's a lovely idea.

AmberLiz99 · May 2014

I think it depends on her personality and how they are dealing with the loss. I would have appreciated something like that. My SIL would have been offended an sad. Only you know her personality

allyandmike24 · May 2014

This is so beautiful, what a wonderful sister you are! I can't imagine anyone receiving such a thoughtful gift and thinking that you are out to upset or hurt them. I'm sure she'll really appreciate the acknowledgement and remembrance of her sweet angel's life.

momofmanyinthemitten · May 2014

I have a bird nest necklace with pearls for each of my kids and the baby I miscarried. I like your idea. Yes, it will be hard for her, but it would make me feel good knowing that someone other than me was thinking about my baby.

Mustardseed2007 · May 2014

You know her best...I would not have appreciated it that much....I mean the thought yes, but the commemoration not really. However there are obviously others who feel different and you should go with your knowledge of whether she would want that kind of momento or not. I would have preferred a handwritten note or something to a bracelet that you're describing.

strawberrytree · May 2014

I think it will depend very much on her personality and your relationship with her. If it was me, I probably wouldn't appreciate it very much...the thought and acknowledgement, yes, but I would prefer to choose my own little way to commemorate my loss.

If you're unsure of how she'll take it, I don't think you can go wrong with a card with a note about how you're thinking of her.

rainy369 · May 2014

@Jessimax‌ - I'm curious how the gift giving went today.

Jessimax · May 2014

Thanks everyone, SIL worked today but she was over yesterday evening and I gave her the braclet on her way out. She texted me later to thank me for thinking of her. My brother was at brunch today and he said she really appreciated it.

Serenla · May 2014

I'm glad you did give it to her, it meant the world to me when people acknowledged my loss.

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Mother's Day gift question (especially for moms who have had a miscarriage)

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