eating issues-I'm getting so frustrated

smileybabyboy · May 2014

DS was a good eater, now he barely eats anything i put in front of him. He is starting refuse foods he used to love. There have been days where he won't eat any meal. He gets so whiney later because he's hungry but still won't eat what I offer. What should I do? Am I supposed to keep offering the same food for snack time and then the next meal even if I know he won't eat it then either? I'm supposed to give him something I know he likes along with the food he doesn't right? Do I give him a different food for snack? I'm so lost.

Beth.1212 · May 2014

I don't have a lot of insight, but here's what I'd try. At every meal/snack, I'd try to serve something that I thought he'd like just so that he's eating at least a little bit - ideally something with nutrients he hadn't gotten much of that day (ex. if he had a carb heavy breakfast, I'd try to find something protein rich he liked as his "love it" lunch food). Sometimes with my LO, if you give him a few bites of something he likes, he'll take at least a bite of something he's not crazy about, which would be an added bonus.

If he didn't eat something for one meal/snack, I'd put it away and try a different food the next meal/snack. I would NOT make something different for him right away if he refused to eat what I'd prepared for him for a given meal/snack, though. (Make sense? So if he refused his PB sandwich for lunch I wouldn't make him something else for lunch, but I also wouldn't try to give him the PB sandwich for dinner.)

Jbunny100 · May 2014

I completely feel your pain right now. DS was an okay eater and for the last month he was in a decent rhythm of eating 4-6 oz of food each meal (3 meals a day). For the last week I can't get him to eat more than 2oz at a meal, if that. I am getting so frustrated at all of the food he is wasting and worry that he isn't getting enough. I try to make sure he is getting a green veggie, protein, and maybe a fruit (he hates fruit right now). I've made stuff that he used to LOVE, but now spits it back out at me. I am at a loss as well. I keep thinking he can't go on like this forever.

honeydew01 · May 2014

I can sympathize as I have one of the pickiest eater on my hand. It's so stressful and frustrating, I totally get it. How old is your son? I can't tell by your post.

I'd have the doctor check him to make sure that he is not sick or has any mechanical issues, so no soars in his mouth or anything like that and then just keep offering him the 3 meal and 2 snack and be patient. If nothing is wrong, then the doctor will tell you that "they won't starve themselves, they'll eat when they're hungry."

My DD is 14 months old and we've been dealing with eating issues since she turned one, although she was not a great eater to begin with. My ped was finally concerned about the volume of her food intake after she saw a week's diary of what she had eaten so even though DD doesn't have any mechanical issues, we are seeing a feeding therapist weekly at $150 a session (we haven't met our 3K deductible so we're paying for each visit out of pocket for now). I can not tell you that the therapy is helping, I wish it was, but we are continuing with it so she could be monitored.

Here are a few of things I’ve learned from our meal time journey, hopefully some of it is useful to you:

-Don't react or push him to eat if he doesn't want to eat. I try to stay neutral (it’s hard) but I found that if you don’t react either way she eats because she wants to. She is not looking to get a reaction out of you. One thing I learned through all this is that you CAN NOT make him eat if he doesn't want to eat, he'll spit it out. You don't want to get in a power struggle with him over this because he will win. I totally understand that you're worried about his food intake, trust me, I worry about mine daily, I have a stubborn little one that barely eats anything nor does she drink. She's had 4 oz of liquid today for example, 3 oz milk, 1 oz water and it's 2:15 already. For breakfast she had 2 blackberries, 1 blueberry (refused waffles), for lunch she had a tiny piece of tofu as big as a nickel and 4 peas, and a tiny piece of carrot (refused everything else).

Edit: and for dinner had 1 oz of milk, 2 edemame, 2 peas and a piece of broccoli as big as a quarter. The rest of dinner was refused, it was pasta with chicken and veggies.

-Ped told me to give her the same tray of food at the next meal if she refuses it previously. I tried it a couple of times and it doesn’t work. I absolutely do not make her a “new” or “different” food if she decides to refuse eating but I don’t give her the same thing at the following meal either.

- I always include something that I know she likes and something new or a dislike..

-They go through phases where they really like something and can’t get enough of it but then one day they stop liking it, it’s normal. Just keep offering it. DD went through a pea phase, that’s all she’d pick out of her food and then stopped liking it, now she’s indifferent I think, she eats it sometimes, ignores it other times.

-I eat with her at each meal and I try to focus on my own meal, sometimes I talk about how my food tastes or when DH is eating with us we talk about other things. We try to “ignore” DD until she shows signs that she wants “help” or just wants our attention. I’ve tried it all and this seems to work the best for us so far.

-Since my DD's issue is food volume, one thing that I've found somewhat helpful is to offer a variety and hope that she'd eat a little of each thing.

-When it looks like DD is done eating, she starts playing with the food or tosses them on the floor, I take it away after a warning.

-Sometimes when DD is not eating and seems like she wants to play, I use it to practice her language skills (this was a good tip from the occupational therapist). Just the other day I taught her to "poke" with her fork. I'd say "poke" "poke" "poke" and she was trying to immediate me and say it while actually trying to poke a piece of food and I didn't tell her to put it in her mouth, she did it on her own. So it became interesting for her and she was engaged to play and then eat her food. Now she tries to do it while going pppp ppp..:) It's cute.

-There are kids who don’t go through this picky stage and there are going to be moms who will tell you that “they just let the kid decide when/how much to eat and their kids eat great!” or repeat the "kids don't starve themselves" line. Don’t let them make you feel bad, they are just lucky moms who have good eaters in their hands. I admit I am jealous of moms who have it easy and wish that I had a good eater too but it is what it is..

I am hopeful that there will come a day that our kids will eat without driving us crazy

hilsy85 · May 2014

We also are having trouble with our LO's eating...some things that I have found helpful:

- keep a food diary to see how much he is actually eating over a week. I think it might seem like he's not eating "anything" but maybe over the course of a week you'll see that he actually is getting a good variety/amount, even if it's not on a daily basis. I just started doing this for my LO yesterday.

- don't make it a power struggle. This is really hard for me for some reason--when LO doesn't eat/throws food I find it infuriating. I sometimes have to step away from the table and go into the kitchen. But I am trying to not make a big deal and once he says he's all done (even if he's had like 2 bites of food) I'll take him down. I offer his food again like 10 minutes later, and that's it.

- when he says he's hungry an hour or two later, I give him a small snack that Iknow he likes, usually fruit or cheese.

- if he really has not eaten much all day and it's right before bed, I will break all the rules to just get some food in him--I have this fear that he will wake up hungry at 3am and not go back to sleep! So he might get a pouch, or some yogurt, which I will feed to him.

It is a struggle for me every day so I really empathize!

smileybabyboy · May 2014

DS is 20 months. He loves his carbs-pasta, bread, pancakes, waffles, etc. Should I give him pasta or pancakes for every dinner and breakfast? I usually make his dinner and feed him, something quick and simple and I sit with him,but wait to eat when H comes home. Now I think of it, I think he did eat better when we sat together to eat. Now that I have the summer off of classes, I'll be able to make more meals which I think will help and will try to sit and eat with him more. Thank you so much for everyone's help. I will try your suggestions.

honeydew01 · May 2014

smileybabyboy said:

DS is 20 months. He loves his carbs-pasta, bread, pancakes, waffles, etc. Should I give him pasta or pancakes for every dinner and breakfast? I usually make his dinner and feed him, something quick and simple and I sit with him,but wait to eat when H comes home. Now I think of it, I think he did eat better when we sat together to eat. Now that I have the summer off of classes, I'll be able to make more meals which I think will help and will try to sit and eat with him more. Thank you so much for everyone's help. I will try your suggestions.

That's great that he loves carbs! You can do a lot with those options. Add fruits and even veggies to pancakes. Pancakes don't have to be sweet, you can make them savory. You can also add various proteins and veggies to pasta. I wish DD ate carbs..Tonight we had chicken/veggie pasta and she did not touch it. If he likes carbs, does he like pizza? because if he does, you can do a ton with Pizza. Also 20 months is close to 2 years when typically picky eating behavior starts according to my feeding therapist.

honeydew01 · May 2014

hilsy85 said:

We also are having trouble with our LO's eating...some things that I have found helpful:
- keep a food diary to see how much he is actually eating over a week. I think it might seem like he's not eating "anything" but maybe over the course of a week you'll see that he actually is getting a good variety/amount, even if it's not on a daily basis. I just started doing this for my LO yesterday.
- don't make it a power struggle. This is really hard for me for some reason--when LO doesn't eat/throws food I find it infuriating. I sometimes have to step away from the table and go into the kitchen. But I am trying to not make a big deal and once he says he's all done (even if he's had like 2 bites of food) I'll take him down. I offer his food again like 10 minutes later, and that's it.
- when he says he's hungry an hour or two later, I give him a small snack that Iknow he likes, usually fruit or cheese.
- if he really has not eaten much all day and it's right before bed, I will break all the rules to just get some food in him--I have this fear that he will wake up hungry at 3am and not go back to sleep! So he might get a pouch, or some yogurt, which I will feed to him.

It is a struggle for me every day so I really empathize!

Same here, every single day. In fact, she barely ate anything today

It's good that he lets you feed him pouches, mine absolutely refuses being fed, and doesn't know how to eat the pouches herself yet (she pours it all on the table) and refuses to get help. If she ate a pouch I'd at least be in peace that she ate SOMETHING today...

dufferoo · May 2014

I don't make special meals for my son, so that way I'm not too frustrated if he won't eat. I do, however, take his tastes into consideration when I'm making meals, just like I consider the rest of the family's tastes. So, if we are having steak, which I know he's not that great at chewing, I'll make sure we have some side dishes, like asparagus and brown rice, that he does tend to enjoy enjoy, I've never heard the thing about putting the same tray of food in front of a toddler meal after meal until he eats it. I woud never do that. To me, the rule I try to follow is to not offeri "junk foods" to fill him up if he's rejecting nutritious foods. So we don't do much with empty carbs or sugar-added foods.

dufferoo · May 2014

^that being said, I think we all do go a little nuts about eating issues at one point or another. I just try to remind myself that it's next-to-unheard-of for a toddler to willingly starve to death.

honeydew01 · May 2014

theresat858 said:

Stop stressing.

Your child will eat if your child is really hungry.

Feed your kid the same foods that you eat. If you are having something you know your LO does not like, give your LO a backup food that you've observed him/her to eat in the past. For instance, my kid isn't a fan of chicken, so when we are having chicken for dinner, we give her some yogurt along with whatever sides we are having (and keep offering the chicken, as well).

All kids have phases where they won't eat much. For most kids, it's a passing phase. Don't cater to only feeding junk foods at every meal so that your kid will eat. Offer a healthy variety and let your LO pick and choose.

This statement along with "children won't starve themselves" are true for 94-96% of the pediatric population. For the rest, they will "starve" themselves. Children are organized in a way that if it hurts, they won't do it again or if it doesn't work, they will cry and/or run away from the situation, this includes eating. I don't have my papers to cite the research (this was discussed with us in length by a pediatric doc who specializes in feeding) and I am not saying the OP's son or my DD will starve themselves, they probably will not, but blank statements like these don't apply to all children.

lanea8712 · May 2014

I have a horrible eater like honeydew01. I stress a lot but I just need to chill and keep trying with out force. It's hard and emotional when u feel like you haven't even gotten one meal in your kid alllll day but your full and ate well. Even though you've tried your best to get them to eat. Just plays with your heart n mind.

=Lee=B · May 2014

My job is to prepare healthy meals...my kids job is to eat it. I do my job well...she decides if she will suck at her job or not!

My daughter (14monnths) is typically a great eater but we are starting into this phase. I also run a home daycare with 5 kids of varying appetites. Some are extremely picky eaters.

I serve the food and I am neutral as to what and how much they eat. I ensure there is one 'safe' food with each meal so they are not starving. I serve small amounts so not to overwhelm and I give plenty of refills.

If a child chooses to eat nothing so be it. I don't comment...I just wait until meal is over and clear the table. They wait until the next meal to eat the next foods served. I would not re-serve the same plate. Not with toddlers. If you have a 6 year old that is being difficult maybe...but toddlers just don't get it and they won't change their thoughts on the food that quickly.

Make sure you are not over serving milk or formula...they do need to be hungry to push themselves to try foods.

honeydew01 · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

theresat858 said:

Stop stressing.

Your child will eat if your child is really hungry.

Feed your kid the same foods that you eat. If you are having something you know your LO does not like, give your LO a backup food that you've observed him/her to eat in the past. For instance, my kid isn't a fan of chicken, so when we are having chicken for dinner, we give her some yogurt along with whatever sides we are having (and keep offering the chicken, as well).

All kids have phases where they won't eat much. For most kids, it's a passing phase. Don't cater to only feeding junk foods at every meal so that your kid will eat. Offer a healthy variety and let your LO pick and choose.

This statement along with "children won't starve themselves" are true for 94-96% of the pediatric population. For the rest, they will "starve" themselves. Children are organized in a way that if it hurts, they won't do it again or if it doesn't work, they will cry and/or run away from the situation, this includes eating. I don't have my papers to cite the research (this was discussed with us in length by a pediatric doc who specializes in feeding) and I am not saying the OP's son or my DD will starve themselves, they probably will not, but blank statements like these don't apply to all children.
Of course there are exceptions but come on, this is normal toddler behavior and most likely nothing is wrong. Should we instead say "OP, get your kid checked out by a doc, something could be wrong". No. Kids are picky, they like to say no and they like to be the boss. Refusing foods is quote common and Theresa had straight forward advice. Don't stress. I've been there and am still going thought it with DS sometimes but most kids won't starve themselves. OP, offer healthy meals with one itrem on the plate you know our LO likes and leave it at that. If your LO refuses, the meal is over. Don't be a short order cook. Try not to stress. Their appetite decreases as they grow and it's good to look at their meals over a week, not each day.

Totally agree with you nicb. I'm sure my DD and her son are just showing typical toddler behavior in regards to eating (i think I said that somewhere, didn't I? I can't look up for some reason), I was just saying that in rare cases (4% or so), kids will starve themselves.

smileybabyboy · May 2014

I haven't been giving enough options and have not been giving him a food he likes with a food he does't care for. I will definitely be changing that. It will help curb his hunger and he won't be so fussy all the time. It's a win win

Thank you for everyone's help. I really appreciate it!

djm31012 · May 2014

this is probably terrible advice but it has worked for us. I will also preface it by saying in general DS is a good eater, but like everyone else, at times decides he doesnt like food that he normally loves. I have found the distraction factor works wonders. we have a tv in our kitchen and I will put on a show for him...in which case he is distracted and will eat. The other thing I do is flash cards and we have fun with them together and i can sneak food in there without him putting up a fight. I never push food on him or force him to eat. its so frustrating...but sometimes just have to deal with meals he doesnt eat.

emberlee3 · May 2014

OP sounds like you are on the right track. Serve family-friendly meals, offer a variety of foods, look at your child's nutrition over a week, rather than a day. And eat with your child, so he sees you enjoying the same foods you offer to him. Sometimes DD needs to see how I eat a new food before she knows what to do with it.

dufferoo · May 2014

Whoa whoa whoa - @honeydew01 are you honestly trying to say that 1 in 25 babies will die of starvation because they don't like their food?? That's a pretty alarming baby suicide rate!

honeydew01 · May 2014

jociejones said:

Whoa whoa whoa - @honeydew01 are you honestly trying to say that 1 in 25 babies will die of starvation because they don't like their food?? That's a pretty alarming baby suicide rate!

I was saying that when we met with our feeding specialist doctor for my daughter, he discussed with us that while very rare, and 96% of the pediatric population will eat when hungry, there are 4% of the pediatric population that will indeed starve themselves if not intervened and they usually end up in the hospital with feeding tubes or extensive care like that. He gave us the paperwork with research sited I can't find it or I'd just site it so you can look it up if interested. Take it or leave it, it was what the specialist doctor said and I was trying to pass it on.

dufferoo · May 2014

honeydew01 said:

jociejones said:

Whoa whoa whoa - @honeydew01 are you honestly trying to say that 1 in 25 babies will die of starvation because they don't like their food?? That's a pretty alarming baby suicide rate!

I was saying that when we met with our feeding specialist doctor for my daughter, he discussed with us that while very rare, and 96% of the pediatric population will eat when hungry, there are 4% of the pediatric population that will indeed starve themselves if not intervened and they usually end up in the hospital with feeding tubes or extensive care like that. He gave us the paperwork with research sited I can't find it or I'd just site it so you can look it up if interested. Take it or leave it, it was what the specialist doctor said and I was trying to pass it on.

OK, well I do believe you are trying to be helpful, so I won't jump all over your case, but I just think that statistic is a bit off, probably a simple mixup on your part or an exaggeration on the specialist's. In any case, I'm glad you are finding your child's treatment helpful and it is kind of you to share your experience with others.

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