WTF?

mommatomonroe · May 2014

I just read a post on fb saying "happy mothers day to all the mother whether you have a brand new baby, a toddler, a teenager, lost your child through still birth or miscarriage, or ABORTION. Your still a mother" I'm sorry but I don't necessarily believe abortion makes you a mother. I believe you made the choice not to be a mother for whatever reason. Some people just aren't ready or in cases involving rape thats understandable I am not one to judge but when I saw that post I was a little baffled. What are your thoughts? Does abortion make you a mother still?

TroopT45 · May 2014

I think you are a mother if you were pregnantat at any point whether you chose an abortion or not. I can see how some people may disagree with that opinion and I respect that.

There are many different definitions of a mother. You are a mother if you loose your child naturally, if you place your child up for adoption, if you raise someone else's child, or if you raise your own child, so why would it make you any less of a mother if you chose to not bring a baby into this world for whatever reason. You still conceived a child and created a life no matter how short or long that was.

sarals24 · May 2014

Why does it matter to you? Honestly...not trying to be snarky, but if someone made the difficult decision to not carry a pregnancy through, and for some reason consider themselves a mother, who cares? It doesn't really affect any of us.

kim1730 · May 2014

Depends on the definition.

I think in general a mother meets at least one of the following conditions:
1. raises a child
2. gives birth to a child
3. supplies the egg that leads to a child.

By that definition, neither abortion or miscarriage would make you a mother.

Another possible definition of mother is a woman who has been pregnant carrying a life inside of them. In that case, abortion and miscarriage would also make you a mother. But what about all of the women out there who may have had chemical pregnancies and never known it?

mommatomonroe · May 2014

I wasn't trying to be rude or snarky, I completely understand if the baby had something wrong with it, or for what ever reason I just thought the post was weird. I guess I didn't think people who honestly didn't want a baby, would still celebrate mothers day after an abortion that's all I ment.

malloryhermann · May 2014

kim1730 said:

Depends on the definition.
I think in general a mother meets at least one of the following conditions:
1. raises a child
2. gives birth to a child
3. supplies the egg that leads to a child.
By that definition, neither abortion or miscarriage would make you a mother.
Another possible definition of mother is a woman who has been pregnant carrying a life inside of them. In that case, abortion and miscarriage would also make you a mother. But what about all of the women out there who may have had chemical pregnancies and never known it?

Okay a miscarriage does not mean you are a mother. You cared for that child while it was in your womb and you loved it unconditionally just as any mother would. You also suffered the pain of losing that child.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

MaxsMom9 said:
Some people electively terminate because there is something wrong with their child. I have a friend who's child wasn't growing a brain, so they chose to terminate at 22 weeks. I still consider her a mom. Bottom line, we don't know people's stories. If it doesn't effect you, don't worry about what they call themselves.

I know that, my point was people who honestly don't want a child and choose to abort because they do not want to be a mother, it would be weird if they wanted o celebrate mothers day. I didn't mean miscarriage doesn't make you a mother or something went wrong and it was necessary
have an abortion that wasn't my point at all.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

To***

sarals24 · May 2014

Again, you don't know everyone's circumstances. Why does this bother you so much? It's a silly Facebook post. And who are you to say that it's "weird" if they want to acknowledge Mother's Day?

kim1730 · May 2014

malloryhermann said:

kim1730 said:

Depends on the definition.
I think in general a mother meets at least one of the following conditions:
1. raises a child
2. gives birth to a child
3. supplies the egg that leads to a child.
By that definition, neither abortion or miscarriage would make you a mother.
Another possible definition of mother is a woman who has been pregnant carrying a life inside of them. In that case, abortion and miscarriage would also make you a mother. But what about all of the women out there who may have had chemical pregnancies and never known it?

Okay a miscarriage does not mean you are a mother. You cared for that child while it was in your womb and you loved it unconditionally just as any mother would. You also suffered the pain of losing that child.

I'm so sorry, that was totally not meant that way. I was just running down the possible definitions and how they apply to each case. I honestly believe each life created has a mother, and each woman should call themselves what they feel comfortable with.

Kasey880 · May 2014

On the other hand, giving birth to a child does not make you a mother either. I sometimes have more respect for women that terminate a pregnancy than women that don't terminate and don't take care of their children.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

sarals24 said:
Again, you don't know everyone's circumstances. Why does this bother you so much? It's a silly Facebook post. And who are you to say that it's "weird" if they want to acknowledge Mother's Day?

Again, like I said I thought it was weird (and that's MY opinion) that's a women who HONESTLY DOESNT WANT TO BE A MOTHER, and got an abortion, would want to celebrate mothers day. Not for any other reason other then the "mother" did not want to be a mother so she chose not be be. I also said I understand women who have to abort or women who have a miscarriage, you are still a mother. I didn't mean for this to become a big ol thing I ment this post only to be about the women who aborted their children because they didn't want to be a mother. That's all!!

mommatomonroe · May 2014

Ainslie325 said:
OP, you don't know the reasons for every termination and the emotions that followed. As such, it's probably best not to try and parse this issue. "Well, I mean the women who really didn't want a child. It's silly for them to call themselves mothers." Even if a woman doesn't want to give birth to a child, wasn't preparaed, doesn't feel ready to continue the pregnancy-- this doesn't mean she won't feel the gravity of its loss.

That whole thing about walking a mile in someone else's shoes, you know?

That is completely true and I understand what you mean. I have met a few women who have had abortion after abortion and they did not give me the impression that they considered themselves mother's. I am pro choice, abortion is not for me though so I understand not being ready to be a mother 100%, so if you were not ready to be a mother why would you celebrate mothers day if you aborted the child? That's all I thought. I know mothers choose to abort due to medical issues or other things like that but all I was trying to say is I don't believe the mothers who didn't want to be mother's are being celebrated today.

TroopT45 · May 2014

mommatomonroe said:

Some people electively terminate because there is something wrong with their child. I have a friend who's child wasn't growing a brain, so they chose to terminate at 22 weeks. I still consider her a mom. Bottom line, we don't know people's stories. If it doesn't effect you, don't worry about what they call themselves.
I know that, my point was people who honestly don't want a child and choose to abort because they do not want to be a mother, it would be weird if they wanted o celebrate mothers day. I didn't mean miscarriage doesn't make you a mother or something went wrong and it was necessary have an abortion that wasn't my point at all.

It's not really clear what you meant since all you asked was "Does abortion make you a mother still?" There are so many reasons why women choose to have an abortion and I don't think that any of us have a right to pass judgement on them. It was their personal choice to make just like it is their choice whether they use Mother's Day as a day to celebrate the life they created, mourn the life they didn't bring into the world, or choose not to acknowledge at all.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

SLC1102 said:

mommatomonroe said:

Again, like I said I thought it was weird (and that's MY opinion) that's a women who HONESTLY DOESNT WANT TO BE A MOTHER, and got an abortion, would want to celebrate mothers day.

Was the person who made the facebook post someone who had an abortion? If not (or you're not sure) then they're probably just reaching out to (or attempting to recognize) all/most women on mothers day.

No she's never had an abortion she just believes whenever human life is created that makes you a mother, which is understandable but I was only thinking or the girls who get abortions like it's nothing only because they don't want children(and I really know a lot of women like this it's sad) I don't think they should be celebrated today.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

SLC1102 said:

mommatomonroe said:

I don't think they should be celebrated today.

Then don't celebrate them.

I won't.

Kasey880 · May 2014

Lol this thread is ridiculous. To each their own.

Manateearmz · May 2014

For "not one to judge" you sound pretty fucking judgey.

You don't get to pick who feels like a mother and who doesn't.

Krisx2 · May 2014

Manateearmz said:
For "not one to judge" you sound pretty fucking judgey.

You don't get to pick who feels like a mother and who doesn't.

<this.

Manateearmz · May 2014

I now have her name on my post-it more than once.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

Oh lord. Good day ladies happy mothers day.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

I guess I'm the bad guy for having an opinion! Woopssssss.

sarals24 · May 2014

What was the point of this thread? Did you want everyone to chime in and say abortions are evil and those that get them should NOT consider themselves mothers?

Sorry that didn't happen for you. Cool opinion, though.

cmdwilcox · May 2014

This is so hateful and sad. What was the point of bringing this up other than to cause hurt to other people?

mommatomonroe · May 2014

No I wasn't trying to hurt anyone and I truly apologize if it hurt any of you in any way. I explained my point above and I stand by it. I know women who have had abortions because they don't want to be mother's, they
don't like kids and etc so my point was specifically for women who don't want to be mothers, why would they be celebrated today? Not for any other reasons. Again I apologize for offending anyone on here.

Manateearmz · May 2014

mommatomonroe said:
I guess I'm the bad guy for having an opinion! Woopssssss.

My opinion is you're being an asshole.

Krisx2 · May 2014

mommatomonroe said:
I guess I'm the bad guy for having an opinion! Woopssssss.

You can have an opinion. But if you ask for other people's as well, be prepared for some disagreeing opinions. Especially if your opinion seems judgemental and hung up on one word of a nice mother's day post.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

Manateearmz said:

mommatomonroe said:
I guess I'm the bad guy for having an opinion! Woopssssss.
My opinion is you're being an asshole.

No need to drag this on, I apologize of I offended you or any of the other women on here I explained my views on the topic and I know not everyone will agree.

riansmommie · May 2014

Manateearmz said:
I now have her name on my post-it more than once.

Every time she starts a new thread she is added to my post-it again.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

tairairat said:
Considering we have a poster who's BF is trying to bully her into getting an abortion I think this post is not only offensive but ill-timed.

OP, I think this was a case where you should have kept your judgey thoughts about women who have gotten abortions, whatever their reason, to yourself.

I have already apologized if this post offended any one on here, I was not trying to be rude, cruel, judgemental but I guess I came off that way.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

I really don't want to drag this thread on any longer I've apologized, we will all not agree on this topic and that's fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that. Again I really wasn't trying to be hateful, hurtful or anything of the sort but I understand how it came off I apologize for that but I won't apologize for having a opinion, I'm sorry if my opinion offends you but it still doesn't change the way I think. Happy mothers day to all lets move on from this.

mrsdabruzzi · May 2014

@mommatomonroe‌
I understand what you were trying to get across as your question. I can tell you weren't trying to offend anyone.
The definition of a mom could mean so many different things to so many people.

For myself, becoming pregnant as a teen I was faced with being a mom or not. I did not consider abortion as an option. If I had decided to give my baby up for adoption I would not have felt like a mom... I would have felt like a woman who gave birth and gave her baby away.
For me being a mom has been the smiles, giggles, hugs, kisses, love and being called a mom by my beautiful babies.
I understand what you are saying and everyone will have their own feelings about whether having an abortion makes you a mom or not.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

MaxsMom9 said:

mommatomonroe said:
I guess I'm the bad guy for having an opinion! Woopssssss.
You're not a bad guy for having an opinion- you didn't word that opinion correctly IMO. There are a lot of reasons people terminate. You straight up said that you didn't consider people who had abortions mothers....there were no ifs ands or buts with that statement. I agree with you on the point of women who have chosen to have abortions just because "they didn't want the baby" probably don't consider themselves mothers, BUT a lot more abortions happen for other reasons than "not wanting" a baby. Those ladies are still moms. And I will continue to stand by that opinion. I think you were narrow minded in your original post.

As I have been saying, I ment that post specifically for the women who terminated only because they did not want to be mothers. Not for any other reasons, yes I agree I worded it wrong I should have specified the reasons for abortion and what not, my apologies. I still stand by my opinion as well but I am not a mean person I was truly not trying to hurt feelings here and I did. The only point I was trying to get across was
women who do not want children and abort chioften for the specific reason, should not be celebrated on mother's day. I have re read my post and I definitely worded it wrong for that I am sorry.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

Children***** not chioften lol

mommatomonroe · May 2014

Yes please happy mothers day!

ColeyCannoli · May 2014

I'm guessing you'd hate my Facebook newsfeed that is full of Happy Mother's Day to moms of four legged fur-babies.

But really, I kinda see what you mean cause it might upset some women. Down here in the super pro-life south I've seen horrible bumper stickers that say things like "abortion makes you the mom of a dead baby." (And that Satan drinks their blood... yeah...). Which is very cruel to anyone who may be struggling after such a hard decision. (Not to mention women who m/c).

It depends on the individual though. As a counseling intern I saw women who named and held mini-funerals for their aborted babies in order to find peace with their difficult decision. I'm sure they would be moved to be included on Mother's Day (we so rarely recognize these women as real people after all). All in how you read it, I guess.

brittandjp · May 2014

Wow. How is it your job, OP, to decide who is entitled to celebrate or at least feel recognized Mother's Day?

This post is incredibly insensitive and quite frankly, really fucking rude.

mommatomonroe · May 2014

brittandjp said:
Wow. How is it your job, OP, to decide who is entitled to celebraIte or at least feel recognized Mother's Day?
This post is incredibly insensitive and quite frankly, really fucking rude.

You must have not read all of the comments, and if you did then you clearly didn't get my point. No need to get nasty. I won't explain myself again or apologize to you because quite Frankly I think you're pretty your self.

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