Stop giving me your used baby stuff!

shyviolet101 · May 2014

Ok, this is a bit of a rant. I'm not at ALL against hand-me-downs (95% of this baby's wardrobe came from my neighbor who has 6 kids and recently moved). Pretty much everything I have for this baby is used or hand-me-down except for the obvious (car seat, crib/bassinet) and for that I am very grateful. The problem is that we are pretty much entirely set for this baby and EVERYONE (MIL, SIL, coworkers, friends, neighbors) is still unloading ALL of their used baby stuff on us, even when we told them we don't need anything else and we'll just need diapers/wipes (though we are mostly cloth diapering, and we already have all our stuff for that). It wouldn't be so annoying if I didn't have to constantly make trips to Goodwill, a 30 minute drive one way, to get rid of all this stuff. This is totally first world problems, but it's like we're drowning in stuff and we really don't have the space for it, so I really wish people would stop unloading their baby stuff on me (especially the broken and stained stuff, which seems like most of it). I'm a bit of a minimalist and it's driving me crazy. Anyone else have this problem?

VFelton · May 2014

I wish I did. I haven't been able to buy any baby items yet because of money and I live in a place where I don't know anyone. I can't believe someone would give you stained and broken items, that's not cool.

shyviolet101 · May 2014

Aww, I'm sorry VFelton. I don't know many people personally either, but I'm military so it's like a community even if you don't know anyone. Before I started getting hand me downs, I did shop at Goodwill and thrift stores and I found some baby stuff for cheap. Also there are Facebook pages for local areas where people post to sell their used items (usually good condition), so keep an eye out for that. You can often post things like "ISO" (In Search Of) for something if you are looking to purchase used. Just be safe & smart about it if you go that route.

punnybunny · May 2014

We still haven't bought much, or gotten hand-me-downs yet (but I know of two friends who will be handing down baby clothes as their babies grow out of them). We're trying to reorganize the house so we have a space for the nursery and baby stuff. So although I don't currently have your problem, I have in the past for other things and it can be annoying, especially if the nearest donation location is far away.

mrsdanielleM2010 · May 2014

Last year I organized my school's response to hurricane Sandy (we had a good couple dozen students whose homes were destroyed, and about 50 more temporarily displaced). I found that people were extremely generous for the most part, but also took the drive for donations as an opportunity to clear out old junk. My students do not want your cd collection or stained clothes! I'm getting a lot of hand-me-downs too, and if we get things that are broken beyond repair or too worn to use, I'm feeling no guilt throwing them away. The things we've gotten that are just not our style or doubles (two snuggapuppy swings in a 900 square foot house?) we are passing along to the local Birthright. Good luck organizing all the stuff, and I hope you can use most of it!

JSS1002 · May 2014

What bothered me about this with baby 1 is that it seemed like people were using me as their personal goodwill rather than asking if I needed things specifically and then offering. It was like free storage / junk clean out. Not for baby stuff specifically but when I was moving out of my old house I had good luck with putting stuff on the curb or in the alley with a "free" sign and then putting a note on Craig's list.

Djcieply · May 2014

My SILs do this more now that DS is older than when he was a baby. I appreciate that they think of us but I really don't want their half used finger paint that should really just be thrown away. They don't even really ask if we want it they just tell us they put a bag of stuff in our car whenever we see them. Sometimes the stuff they send us is useful but the bulk of it gets pitched because its not even worth donating.

Now when my sister gave DS the bulk of her kids wooden Thomas the Train collection to borrow, that was a major score, those trains are freaking expensive!

lbonga1 · May 2014

Most of the stuff we had for DD was gifted at my baby shower, but my boss did give me some stuff (swing, bouncy seat, walker). He had already used them for 3 kids, so the swing started breaking when DD was almost done using it. We didn't use the walker because they aren't recommended anymore. But we took both of them and traded them in during babies r us trade in event and got a new glider swing and high chair for this baby.

VFelton · May 2014

@Shyviolet, I will start looking into those things. I need to start getting items and I hope it'll be soon.

shyviolet101 · May 2014

To those of you who felt like a personal goodwill drop off - YES! This is how I feel! I don't want to seem ungracious or spoiled, because the reality is that I am using all of the well-kept items, but the biggest problem is STORAGE. I live in a very small house and baby won't have her own room until we upgrade housing. My son has his own room (he's 5 and I don't want him to feel like he's pushed out of his room by baby), so Zoey will have to sleep with me in my room for a while. We don't have an attic or basement so there's simply nowhere to store anything other than the garage, which is now starting to look quite unkept and cluttered. The rant came on because today my husband came home with a broken swing from a coworker that looks like it's from the 90s. Who gives away a BROKEN swing? Now we have to be inconvenienced to send it off to Goodwill.

shyviolet101 · May 2014

lbonga1 said:

Most of the stuff we had for DD was gifted at my baby shower, but my boss did give me some stuff (swing, bouncy seat, walker). He had already used them for 3 kids, so the swing started breaking when DD was almost done using it. We didn't use the walker because they aren't recommended anymore. But we took both of them and traded them in during babies r us trade in event and got a new glider swing and high chair for this baby.

That's a really good idea to trade items in at babies r us!

shyviolet101 · May 2014

VFelton said:

@Shyviolet, I will start looking into those things. I need to start getting items and I hope it'll be soon.

Also, your baby won't need as much as you might think. Essentials, of course, like clothes, diapers, wipes, burp cloths, bottles (& formula if not BF), a place to sleep (bassinet, play yard, or crib but not necessarily all 3), a few toys, first aid kit, baby proofing stuff, car seat (maybe stroller) and not much else. I went overboard with my son and learned pretty quickly that he hated the expensive swing, wouldn't sleep in a bassinet (only with me or in a crib), ignored half the toys, and wore only a small portion of his wardrobe. We never used a stroller or any expensive baby gadgets. So don't feel like you have to spend a lot on baby. You'll be just fine with essentials, and most of it can be used.

Risplus1 · May 2014

OP, I don't have any good advice, but I feel your pain. My MIL "gifted" me 2 boxes of her maternity clothes. From when she was pregnant with DH. In 1980.

DH shoved them in the laundry room until the baby is born. We can't even donate them because she wants them back. (Because she's 65 and clearly not done making babies.) Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

aliciak316 · May 2014

I know the feeling, I love hand me downs or used clothes since they're cheaper but I want good quality still. I'm a big garage sale person and always go to second hand stores first when I need something but I'm not just buying any stained clothes or broken toys just because there really cheap. Sometimes I think because I am so cheap people think I want all their used crap. I appreciate the thought but I don't need your half colored in coloring book. My in laws always bring me kids clothes and toys they find at garage sales that are so dirty and missing pieces and don't work. I feel bad because they're always so excited because it cost 50 cents but I don't want it.

Linz-E · May 2014

Risplus1 said:

OP, I don't have any good advice, but I feel your pain. My MIL "gifted" me 2 boxes of her maternity clothes. From when she was pregnant with DH. In 1980.

DH shoved them in the laundry room until the baby is born. We can't even donate them because she wants them back. (Because she's 65 and clearly not done making babies.) Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

This is hilarious. She can't be serious!?

melbehar · May 2014

I got a bunch of stuff given to me from a friend and once we found out we are having a girl we had to go thru and sort out the clothes and it went from 2 over stuffed garbage bags worth to maybe one. The one good thing we also got the rock and play free and are getting a free crib. also i found one of those $200 rocking chair gliders with the ottoman for $40 on bookoo and its in good condition. the other thing we are doing is looking now for the left over winter items that are on clearance. thats just my way of finding decent stuff for her without spending crazy amounts of money

anna&nicholas · May 2014

Risplus1 said:
OP, I don't have any good advice, but I feel your pain. My MIL "gifted" me 2 boxes of her maternity clothes. From when she was pregnant with DH. In 1980.

DH shoved them in the laundry room until the baby is born. We can't even donate them because she wants them back. (Because she's 65 and clearly not done making babies.) Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

Hilarious!!!

Risplus1 · May 2014

Linz-E said:
This is hilarious. She can't be serious!?

I don't know what she's thinking, but she's serious. We weren't prepared for the first box, but she called us before dropping off the second. DH literally said "do not bring those over here. We do not want them." But guess what was on our front porch when we got home...

This is not the first time she's pulled something like this. 2 years ago she gave me one of DH's unfinished home ec projects as a birthday present. She's a loon, but she loves me. I think.

mcstrepp · May 2014

I have a relative that has been trying to give me a lot of baby items but they smoke throughout the house and everything smells like smoke. Luckily they ask and don't just bring them over. @shyviolet101‌ you never used a stroller? How did you manage?

bardini · May 2014

We come home to *gifts* on our porch almost every day from our neighbor and her 10 year old twins- chocolate stained dresses, a huge pile of mostly completed coloring books, dirty used ballet shoes (because i'd want to store those for another 7 years before my daughter could fit into them), misc game pieces, filthy stuffed animals, etc.. So much stuff that my LO at two would ask why she didn't get anything if she missed a day or two. She's so kind & genuinely wanting our daughter to enjoy the things her girls liked but trying to find a polite way of asking her to stop.

conradraging · May 2014

You guys can mail it all to me, nbd

shyviolet101 · May 2014

mcstrepp said:

I have a relative that has been trying to give me a lot of baby items but they smoke throughout the house and everything smells like smoke. Luckily they ask and don't just bring them over. @shyviolet101‌ you never used a stroller? How did you manage?

Babywearing! I'm a crunchy granola attachment parent mama and my son was in slings and wraps until he could walk on his own. And then I was the mean mama who made my son walk everywhere. I kind of regret not having a stroller, though.. it was burdensome, to be honest. I have a stroller for the new baby now.

j_smockum · May 2014

aliciak316 said:
I know the feeling, I love hand me downs or used clothes since they're cheaper but I want good quality still. I'm a big garage sale person and always go to second hand stores first when I need something but I'm not just buying any stained clothes or broken toys just because there really cheap. Sometimes I think because I am so cheap people think I want all their used crap. I appreciate the thought but I don't need your half colored in coloring book. My in laws always bring me kids clothes and toys they find at garage sales that are so dirty and missing pieces and don't work. I feel bad because they're always so excited because it cost 50 cents but I don't want it.

My mom bought my nephew a set of kids golf clubs at a yard sale for $5! She was so proud of herself! Too bad they were left handed and he's a righty lol. Same thing happened when she bought him a hockey helmet. He has a huge head and this thing wouldn't fit a newborn. My favorite part was watching her try to cram it on his giant melon. Poor kid.

wrightpalomo · May 2014

OP just craigslist/curb that crap! No need to be wasting your gas/time/energy driving other people's stuff to Goodwill... and if it's still there in the morning pop it in the dumpster! Sounds like word has gotten out that sending crap to you is easier than driving to the Goodwill.

I've already had to graciously decline several "gently used" hand-me-down offers (somehow I don't consider 7 other kids having slept in a bassinet "gently used"). I also live in a tiny house so I just say, "Oh, thanks but we don't have room for that."

@risplus1 Your MIL is cracking me up... good luck, girl!

Ciardasully · May 2014

I have not had this issue with baby stuff but I have had this with household items. We just bought our first house and MIL gave us a bunch of old curtains. We don't need curtains. The people we bought the house from left some rralky nice window treatments that DH and I realky like and "if it ain't broke..." She gave us curtains as well when we moved into our last place and she asked about a certain set! I let DH explain that we left them at the last apartment.

JSS1002 · May 2014

Ciardasully said:

I have not had this issue with baby stuff but I have had this with household items. We just bought our first house and MIL gave us a bunch of old curtains. We don't need curtains. The people we bought the house from left some rralky nice window treatments that DH and I realky like and "if it ain't broke..." She gave us curtains as well when we moved into our last place and she asked about a certain set! I let DH explain that we left them at the last apartment.

Yeah, when I bought my old house (single woman, lived alone, 100 year old house with unfinished basement) I suddenly became the clearinghouse for every piece of household crap that nobody wanted but didn't want to throw away or figure out how to donate. It was extremely irritating and I finally had to just start saying no. If they're offended too bad -- not my problem.

Fishyhatch · May 2014

For better or worse, we live 12 hours away from our families and do not yet have many friends here with children, so we haven't had anyone drop things off. That being said, we get constant calls from my MIL about a friend, relative, friend's best friends' girlfriends' who are getting rid of stuff and if we'd like it. I am all for second hand items (we're getting a crib, rocker, pack and play, clothing, etc), but the only time between now and baby girl's arrival that we'll be home is in July for our shower. How on earth are you planning on us getting all of these items home, plus gifts from our shower?! Renting a damn U-Haul for this purpose seems to counteract the purpose of second hand! Not to mention the fact that if I'm getting something second hand, I'd sure like to see it myself in person before saying we want it. I know she is being very thoughtful asking us about this type of stuff and I feel like we're being rude and uppity saying no, but seriously logistically it just doesn't work!

herecomesthesun086 · May 2014

People tried giving is hand me downs very early in our pregnancy which I'm grateful but I just politely told them no thank you we don't want to start accumulating items for baby until we are midway through our pregnancy and know babies gender... Well anatomy scan is this Friday lol so I guess well start buying and receiving hand me downs soon ... All we have is diapers ... Wipes... One onesie and a pair of baby booties

Want a personalized experience?

Stop giving me your used baby stuff!

Re: Stop giving me your used baby stuff!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards