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Parenting
Book Club: Happiest Toddler OTB
This came up on another thread but I thought there was enough to make it its own topic.
Disclaimer: While I think this book has some valuable ideas/concepts, I overall don't like it. If you're interested, the back of the book has a great summary type glossary of its points that can tell you the gist and save you time.
I also have a pretty good kid. She has her moments, but isn't as extreme as I've heard described by other parents. So, maybe it's just me/us, but some of what he talks about just doesn't jive with our style.
Why I don't like it: Ironically (because one of its main points is "connect with respect"), I find it disrespectful and/or insulting to toddlers. There is this theme of comparing toddlers to primitive caveman-like beings and I think that is ridiculous. They are learning and developing, not primitive and barbaric.
Okay, Cliffs Notes Version:
(Anyone feel free to add to this or express a dissenting opinion)
The book is set up stoplight style. There are green light behaviors - these are ways to encourage good behavior, reward your child (with praise, stars, check marks, etc), and keep things positive.
There are yellow light behaviors - these are ways to curb unwanted or annoying behaviors, curb a tantrum before it gets out of hand, that kind of stuff.
And there are red light behaviors - when the child is being a danger to self or others.
Key Concepts:
Maximizing the green light behaviors should minimize the yellow and red light behaviors.
Reflecting what your toddler is feeling will help them (and you) deal with their emotions and feel understood.
He refers to "toddler-ese" as a way of using simple words and phrases because when a toddler is upset, they don't hear much of what you say. (This bothers me because I find it to be poor modeling of language. For the same reason I didn't/don't use "baby talk", I don't care to subscribe to "toddler-ese". Speak clearly and slowly, sure. Speak in broken sentences, no thanks.)
"Feeding the meter" is a strategy of generally keeping your toddler happy by giving little spurts of attention in a variety of ways.
There are more green light behaviors than yellow and red in the book as a means of philosophically keeping it positive.
(I'm blanking on the yellows for now and there are more greens.)
One of the red light methods is described as "clap-growl". When your child is about to do something dangerous, clap and growl at them. I could see clapping to get their attention. I find the growl a little bizarre.
Let's see, what else?
He talks about "teaching patience". I'm a bit of a skeptic and might call it "holding their attention" more than teaching patience, but the jury is still out.
He talks about "magic breathing" which I found interesting.
Feel free to add/subtract/agree/disagree/drink/discuss/ask questions/whatever.
Disclaimer: While I think this book has some valuable ideas/concepts, I overall don't like it. If you're interested, the back of the book has a great summary type glossary of its points that can tell you the gist and save you time.
I also have a pretty good kid. She has her moments, but isn't as extreme as I've heard described by other parents. So, maybe it's just me/us, but some of what he talks about just doesn't jive with our style.
Why I don't like it: Ironically (because one of its main points is "connect with respect"), I find it disrespectful and/or insulting to toddlers. There is this theme of comparing toddlers to primitive caveman-like beings and I think that is ridiculous. They are learning and developing, not primitive and barbaric.
Okay, Cliffs Notes Version:
(Anyone feel free to add to this or express a dissenting opinion)
The book is set up stoplight style. There are green light behaviors - these are ways to encourage good behavior, reward your child (with praise, stars, check marks, etc), and keep things positive.
There are yellow light behaviors - these are ways to curb unwanted or annoying behaviors, curb a tantrum before it gets out of hand, that kind of stuff.
And there are red light behaviors - when the child is being a danger to self or others.
Key Concepts:
Maximizing the green light behaviors should minimize the yellow and red light behaviors.
Reflecting what your toddler is feeling will help them (and you) deal with their emotions and feel understood.
He refers to "toddler-ese" as a way of using simple words and phrases because when a toddler is upset, they don't hear much of what you say. (This bothers me because I find it to be poor modeling of language. For the same reason I didn't/don't use "baby talk", I don't care to subscribe to "toddler-ese". Speak clearly and slowly, sure. Speak in broken sentences, no thanks.)
"Feeding the meter" is a strategy of generally keeping your toddler happy by giving little spurts of attention in a variety of ways.
There are more green light behaviors than yellow and red in the book as a means of philosophically keeping it positive.
(I'm blanking on the yellows for now and there are more greens.)
One of the red light methods is described as "clap-growl". When your child is about to do something dangerous, clap and growl at them. I could see clapping to get their attention. I find the growl a little bizarre.
Let's see, what else?
He talks about "teaching patience". I'm a bit of a skeptic and might call it "holding their attention" more than teaching patience, but the jury is still out.
He talks about "magic breathing" which I found interesting.
Feel free to add/subtract/agree/disagree/drink/discuss/ask questions/whatever.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Book Club: Happiest Toddler OTB
I think I'm probably going to pick this up. H and I both liked HBOTB, so we might give it a try.
For those who said it snapped your toddler out of a tantrum, I think it could just as easily be because your toddler was like "why are you talking like that?" as opposed to "Oh, now I understand because of your single, simple repetitive words".
While I think there are some valid tools in the book, I mostly hated reading it and refused to buy it. (I read most of it during sequential story times.) That's why I said, if you're interested/curious, start with the glossary/summary type section(s) in the back of the book.