Coming Out on FB

LisaG09 · May 2014

I stumbled across a video about loss and Mother's Day. I think it is very sweet and reminds women that Mother's Day is about an appreciation of the love between mother and her child whether the child is still with us today or not. It includes all types of mothers including mothers facing infertility, miscarriage, still birth and loss of an older infant/child. I think that I want to share it with my facebook friends (which mostly includes family/friends that already know about my loss). I don't want to feel like a broken winged bird any more. I'm tired of people asking me quietly if I'm 'doing better'. I want to feel strong and show that I'm proud of being a mother. That I hold my child in my heart and I'm not scared to talk about it or the love that was born on February 21st when I gazed at that extra little line on a pee stick. Yet, I'm scared. Scared that they won't understand. I'm also afraid of putting a damper on the facebook joy that is Mother's Day by talking about the struggles motherhood sometimes brings. I thought I'd get your opinions. What do you think?

Also I won't post the video here because it features a pregnant woman who is looking at many pictures of children in many different stages of life while her voice plays in the background. However if you are interested you can look it up on youtube, just search Portrait of a Mother: Bumps Along the Way. The woman's name is Missy Lanning.

gabbagal · May 2014

Thanks for indirectly sharing, that just made me cry. That's a tough call about whether to share. I encourage people to share their voice and feelings and make loss less of a taboo subject, but I know what you mean about possibly putting a damper on the joy of mother's day. At the same time, there might be others who you don't know have had a similar experience who it might touch and might feel less alone when they see it. I also think those that have not experienced loss might not look at it as something sad, but instead an encouragement to love and appreciate what you have (which was mentioned in the video) since the video is not about pity or sadness but more about love and hope.

jlovesky · May 2014

First, I am so sorry about your loss. I think you should not feel afraid to share it! I also struggled a bit with deciding to share the news of loss on social media (specifically FB)..but we had already shared so much about my pregnancy and I have to say the response & support was overwhelmingly awesome. Because the people on your FB are those you know I would only imagine and hope that any response you hear about it would be supportive. Thank you for sharing, I have not yet watched the video but plan to!

LisaG09 · May 2014

Thank you ladies. I really appreciate the encouragement (I needed it) My BF agrees that we should share it and I think that I will. Wish me luck!

nohalo21 · May 2014

If it feels right to you, then go for it. You will be surprised how many people may be able to relate. It saddens me that many people don't ever talk about (hardly any of my family and friends have reached out to me since I told them).

My loss was at 18 weeks. I had problems since the start and never felt comfortable announcing on FB. In the back of mind I was always fearing the worse. Never did I imagine that it would actually happen though. I thought I was in the clear this far along. A month after her delivery was when I wanted to share her story. It felt good to let everyone know about my little angel.

kellsnajay · May 2014

Sorry for your loss. Once I had my m/c all I was told is you will get pregnant again. Well I ended up in a divorce and have been trying for 9 years on and off with serious b-f's to no avail. People can be heartless and have stunted my grieving process because I was so early along when it happened.

AggieBeth06 · May 2014

Only you know what's best for you. People make insensitive comments, but I think it's up to us to decide if we will take them to heart. Some people just don't know how to support us, but we all have the blessing of this board.

When I came out, I had so many women message me privately to say they had been through a loss too. It felt right, but I also felt sad that people feel uncomfortable to publicly share their pain with me... That's ok but sad.

As far as doing it this weekend, you could also word it such to pay homage to others who have been through a loss. If people take offense to you publicly sharing your grief... They aren't people I would personally want on my friends list and I would probably de-friend them.

LisaG09 · May 2014

@kellsnajay I'm sorry. Pretty much every single person that I've talked to about it has said that at least I know I can get pregnant and that it'll happen again very fast (especially one's that know we got pregnant the first month trying) I appreciate the sentiment but I know these words can be hurtful and I can only imagine how hurtful they are when it does happen quickly. Hugs to you.

@AggieBeth06 I've been working on what to write with the video. If I can get exactly what I want to say worded right then I think I will share it and hope for the best. And that is the joy of facebook, unfriend is such a handy button!

arschm02 · May 2014

I just wanted to thank you for posting this. I am in awe of this video. I also had to post this on fb today without actually mentioning my own loss. Thank you.

hullabalou · May 2014

I wrote a blog post and shared it with my sister. She was touched by it and asked me if I would be OK with sharing it on Facebook. I thought about it anf I felt like maybe others needed to see it as well, so I went for it. It is here if anyone wants to see it: https://akaleidoscopeofemotion.blogspot.com/2014/05/mother-day-after-miscarriage.html?m=1

kreardon11 · May 2014

You should listen to your heart.

I put it on FB that I miscarried and the love and support I received helped me so much. I know I wasn't alone and found a huge support network.

Nothing you chose to do it wrong. It's all part of your healing process.

raelynn71109 · May 2014

That video is beautiful. I'm thinking about coming out on FB too. I had not yet announced my pregnancy on FB but I feel the need for people to know about my baby. She existed and she was real and I want others to know that. I can't just pretend otherwise. I found a quote on Pinterest from The Velveteen Rabbit. "Once you are real, you cannot become unreal again. It lasts for always." I'm planning to post that along with my story.

Mrs Sweet Tea · May 2014

So sorry for your loss. I did choose to post about our loss on FB and it felt wonderful when I did. How a person grieves is a very personal thing, and for me, I cannot grieve in silence. I also wanted to find my friends who had also lost babies that I didn't know about so I could find more support and some hope for those who lost first babies and had success after the loss (which I did) and I wanted to be a support for my friends who may go through it in the future. I don't want them to feel the isolation I did. Most importantly though, I wanted to let the world know of the child that was made from love and who would be loved by us regardless of how long they were with us. Sending lots of hugs and healing your way!

malloryhermann · May 2014

I love that video. It was beautiful.

I want to tell people so I can move on with the grieving but my husband wants to wait and tell his family in person in 2 weeks.

LisaG09 · May 2014

I did post it on facebook but I didn't receive any support really. My dad and three of my aunts (that already knew) liked it but that was all. Oh well, I don't regret the decision.

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