Inappropriate/awkward comments in the workplace

SteffieR13 · May 2014

I don't post too often, but I am in a storytelling and talkative mood today, so I thought I'd share this story with you ladies, and hear your opinions/similar stories related to working with awkward guys. Sorry this is so long, just trying to paint the picture right

I love my job, love my coworkers, and love my immediate boss and other managers. They have been so supportive throughout my pregnancy, and in my short time of 7 months at this job, have become family. HOWEVER, the Executive Director at my work is the only person I just really cannot like. He is an older man (I think in his 60s) with an ego the size of the moon, and not really for any reason in particular. What really irks me about him is his horrible sense of humor. He is the type of person that when you come up to him with an important question or concern, he has a joke or sarcastic solution before giving the appropriate solution (if he comes to one). I work in a profession where senses of humor are needed and welcome, but there is a time for everything, and when I have an angry patron on the phone or on the other side of the desk needing an answer quick, that response gets old. Also, his responses are never funny. He thinks he's hilarious. Oh, and he is the biggest CREEPER ever. Whenever there are pretty females that come in, he moves out of his office and starts some weird convo with them, or just stares at them when they fill out paperwork. I can feel him staring at me at my computer all the time (his office is directly behind my desk). My fiance really doesn't like him and hates the things he says/does. The first day he met him, he told me he got weird vibes, and he is a very good judge of character.

Last week, I was sitting at my computer, and he says, "I hear one of our employee's have an unauthorized pregnancy among us", and made some comment about me failing to fill out preliminary paperwork to get it approved. I usually can force a fake laugh with him, but I just stared at him blankly, and may have responded with a simple "oops" or something like that. He and I are NOT on joking terms to that level. I wanted to respond "OH sorry, I didn't know I needed your permission to have sex", but that would just fuel his fire. This pregnancy was not planned--and while I am thrilled about it now, it was a biiiiiig shock when I found out. I am not married and just started this job and am in a fairly new (though amazing) relationship--it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this was unplanned. My boss overheard the comments, too, and looked at me with a WTF look on her face. She actually ended up telling her boss, and I was told that if I wanted to say something to get it on paper, I should. I am not trying to get him disciplinary action, especially because I know it was him trying to joke, but I wonder if I should? I also feel it would be kind of double-standardy because some of the conversations that I have with my direct boss and co-workers are not always "workplace appropriate", but we are all in our 20's and great friends.

Another weird thing about it is that I told my boss and co-workers about 2 months ago--and we had talked about it a bunch, and I know he had overheard our conversations for a while. He had even made another comment about the pregnancy to another of the higher-ups. So, I am unsure what triggered this awkward interaction honestly. Then, after he said that comment, he decided to start asking me normal questions--boy/girl, name, when due, etc, and has asked questions about the baby almost daily since then--I feel that if he had started off with those questions, I would love answering them, but I don't like telling him ANYTHING about my personal life now. Since then, I have kept my conversations with him strictly work related.

This may sound like an overreaction, which it may be, but he's just gross I really wish I could describe his creep status better, but just trust me it is baaaaad.

This may give you an idea, hopefully at least a laugh...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPZmPaHme0&feature=kp

Thanks for listening to my story! Share your opinions, stories, memes/pics of creepers--anything!

ETA: Spaces between paragraphs :P

chase16 · May 2014

A couple of years ago I was about to get promoted but admin forgot to submit my paper work to HR. The admin Sergeant Major came down to smooth things over with me (and probably to make I didn't take it up higher). At the end of his talk he said "but it's not a big deal right? It's only like 100 dollars a pay check." with the promotion I'd be getting basic allowance for housing, which since I lived outside DC at the time, was an extra 2000 a month. I told him this, and his response was "oh. But you're a woman. Just get 20 boyfriends and get them to pay you like 10 dollars a month." Wtf???

NSAbby · May 2014

chase16 said:

A couple of years ago I was about to get promoted but admin forgot to submit my paper work to HR. The admin Sergeant Major came down to smooth things over with me (and probably to make I didn't take it up higher). At the end of his talk he said "but it's not a big deal right? It's only like 100 dollars a pay check." with the promotion I'd be getting basic allowance for housing, which since I lived outside DC at the time, was an extra 2000 a month. I told him this, and his response was "oh. But you're a woman. Just get 20 boyfriends and get them to pay you like 10 dollars a month." Wtf???

woooooooooowwwww!

SteffieR13 · May 2014

OMG not OK!

jamielcall · May 2014

I use to work at a soda distributor there was a guy that worked part time at night and during the day was a cop. When he came in at night he would change out of his uniform to his street clothes and one night asked me to come watch him change. He was a real big creeper! I reported it to my boss and the next day got pulled into the GM's office and was told to keep my mouth shut because I didn't want to ruin his reputation on the force or with his wife and 6 children and that I most likely provoked those comments. I couldn't believe what they told me... I went to corporate HR with it but the GM was best friends with all if them and it was all swept under the rug...it was a very sexist company.

chase16 · May 2014

@jillielizabeth‌, hah! I should start charging FI for my time.
@jamiel338‌ omg!!! That makes me so mad for you! I'm already starting to see a trend with these posts about harassment being reported but not acted on: (

lookame3639 · May 2014

When i was young and working for a fast food company there was an assistant manager who would flirt with me all the time. I was ok with the flirting as he didn't say anything to bad and he was married with kids so I figured it wouldn't go much further. One day I was washing dishes and he came up and SMACKED MY BUTT. I was so shocked i didn't know what to do. After about a week or two I reported it. That along with another girl who he was sexuality harassing got him fired but the management team all sounded like they didn't beleive us/we were asking for it.

oh and when i wrote the situation down on paper and handed it to the manager he read it and told me they probably won't be using the incident as a reason to fire him...what!? He smacked my butt and it's "not enough" to use to get this guy fired?? I was told I waited to long to report it...

kareik01 · May 2014

My husband and I actually work at the same place. I'm an office assistant (and one of two females that work here...), so I see most of the guys throughout the day. I can't tell you how many times the guys walk though here and make comments about/to me and my husband. Very inappropriate comments about our sexual relationship, probably because we got pregnant just a month after we got married. Most of the time it doesn't bother me because we are in a very relaxed setting and we are friends with most of our coworkers, but once in a while someone says something that really crosses the line. I can't really complain to anyone since the boss is included in these comments, but sometime one of these men is going to get the pregnant lady snap on them!

BlckRoses · May 2014

I worked at a casual dining restaurant in high school for a little while. The managers/owners were brothers and one would always be really inappropriate to the girls on the staff. He would call me Wench all the time and when I told him that my name wasn't Wench he started calling me Woman instead. I was 16 or 17 at the time. One day the cleaning lady didn't come in because she was sick and he told me that I had to clean the restaurant instead of cashiering that day because that was a woman's job and I was the only woman working that day. I didn't feel bad at all when I quit that job with no notice.

chase16 · May 2014

kareik01 said:

My husband and I actually work at the same place. I'm an office assistant (and one of two females that work here...), so I see most of the guys throughout the day. I can't tell you how many times the guys walk though here and make comments about/to me and my husband. Very inappropriate comments about our sexual relationship, probably because we got pregnant just a month after we got married. Most of the time it doesn't bother me because we are in a very relaxed setting and we are friends with most of our coworkers, but once in a while someone says something that really crosses the line. I can't really complain to anyone since the boss is included in these comments, but sometime one of these men is going to get the pregnant lady snap on them!

I had a similiar situation/environment when I first joined the Army.. I was really young and wanted to be "one of the guys" in my platoon of (almost all) males.. What began with harmless kidding around eventually led to REALLY inappropriate things being said about my sex life, my relationships, and who I was as a person. Looking back, I wish I had quashed that shit when I first felt uncomfortable, because those men had no right to say those things to me. Unfortunately, it just got to the point where it was impossible to say anything, 1, because I considered them my friends, and 2, I had let it go on so long I didn't know if I could say anything. I was glad to be able to start fresh somewhere.

MandMLeona · May 2014

I've always worked with mostly men and generally prefer that they forget I'm a woman and just be themselves. However, I reserve the right to tell them "There's a line and you just crossed it. Step back!" You have to know your personal boundaries up front and be willing to defend them, but I've found most people prefer knowing where they stand.

I've had several managers very uncomfortable with having a woman on the team. They worry I won't say something if I get uncomfortable. Once they learn I can and will speak my mind things generally relax.

JadaBlue · May 2014

I've always worked in majority male professional settings and my views on what it's best to let slide have narrowed as I've gotten older. I worried about being viewed as a whiny woman/b*tch when I was starting out, and now I think the burden to behave professionally lies with the individual, not with me to be "cool" or not be "sensitive." Of course it helps that I work in an environment where overt sexism would be far outside of workplace norms.

Sarafar4 · May 2014

My room mate and I worked at a popular sports bar in college for one semester. The owner/boss was a real skeeveball, late 40's with a much younger girlfriend. First, he made it out like giving us the job was a huge privilege because so many girls applied. He'd compare it to American Idol. He was always giving the girls compliments about how they looked, but in a weird creepy way with ogle-eyes looking you up and down. He accused my roommate of stealing one night because she earned "too much" in tips as a shot girl (she was gorgeos and about 15 of our friends were in that night tipping and drinking) Then One day, he pulled me into the office for a talk. He said I was not dressing sexy enough for work... I was wearing a short jean skirt that day and the shirt HE HAD GIVEN US to wear as a uniform, but cut off and tied into a midriff!! It was the end if the semester so I went home for the summer and never went back! I

kareik01 · May 2014

chase16 said:

kareik01 said:

My husband and I actually work at the same place. I'm an office assistant (and one of two females that work here...), so I see most of the guys throughout the day. I can't tell you how many times the guys walk though here and make comments about/to me and my husband. Very inappropriate comments about our sexual relationship, probably because we got pregnant just a month after we got married. Most of the time it doesn't bother me because we are in a very relaxed setting and we are friends with most of our coworkers, but once in a while someone says something that really crosses the line. I can't really complain to anyone since the boss is included in these comments, but sometime one of these men is going to get the pregnant lady snap on them!
I had a similiar situation/environment when I first joined the Army.. I was really young and wanted to be "one of the guys" in my platoon of (almost all) males.. What began with harmless kidding around eventually led to REALLY inappropriate things being said about my sex life, my relationships, and who I was as a person. Looking back, I wish I had quashed that shit when I first felt uncomfortable, because those men had no right to say those things to me. Unfortunately, it just got to the point where it was impossible to say anything, 1, because I considered them my friends, and 2, I had let it go on so long I didn't know if I could say anything. I was glad to be able to start fresh somewhere.

I know! It's like you don't want to mess up a friendship because you know they're just messing around. Which is why most of the time it doesn't bother me...until certain things are said that they can't seriously think is OK even as a joke, especially in a work setting. One time I even ended up in tears in the bathroom (I'm sure pregnancy hormones were the culprit) but I was so embarrassed by what was said. Like you, I wish I had stopped it from the start, because now that it's out of hand I don't know where to turn. I guess DH is the assistant manager, maybe I should just tell him to get the guys to stop...

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