How do you know? (Siggy warning)

lisaren · May 2014

Ok I decided to ask/talk on a new post and THANK YOU for all the replies on the other post.

How do you know what to do and when???

My baby has a cystic hygroma it measures 4.2 cm from crown to rump and 2 cm on belly.

Heart rate is 168.
I'm 12w 2d. According to US.

Do I have the D&E on Tuesday.

Wait for harmony test next Friday, possibly do amnio in a few weeks if harmony comes back negative.

If all test continue to come back clear just let nature take it's course with the understanding that the baby can pass at any time in utero, or I could deliver a baby that passes away at birth or soon after.

Every single choice seems to potentially have a heartbreaking consequence.

My H does not want me to deliver a baby who has passed away, he's afraid of how that would effect me.

How in the hell is anyone supposed to make this decision?

Right now this baby is moving and looks healthy despite the cystic hygroma.

The MFM (both of them) have said this is a very extensive one. The possibility of it going away is small almost impossible.

I'm talking everything out, but I appreciate you reading and offering any feedback. I know you cannot tell me what to do, but maybe you've been in a similar situation,..

Thank you kindly.

kflynn81 · May 2014

We had a similar situation.... our son was diagnosed at his 19week scan with a brain malformation. Given other factors he likely would have also passed away before birth or only lived a short time....or maybe he would have surpassed all their expectations and lived, with his diagnosis it could have gone any of those ways which was heartbreaking for us to have to decide to end his life or not when not even knowing what he could be facing should he arrived full term.

In our situation though, we ended up not having a choice but to terminate as I developed Preeclampsia/HELLP and delivered all within a week of his diagnosis. I remember laying in the hospital bed still thinking we had a choice and my mind changed each minute from , I am not ready for a special needs child to this is my baby he's mine and not going anywhere. Right before the doctor said my health was in grave danger we actually had decided if he lived until May then I'd quit my job to stay home and take care of him.

I wish I could give you the right answer but I don't know that anyone can, that's my story though at least maybe it will give you a little direction for yourself. (((hugs)))

nohalo21 · May 2014

First, I want to say I'm sorry that you have to face this.

My situation is similar but the course was a little different. I lost my daughter at 18 weeks. There was no hb at her anatomy scan. Pathology showed that she had triploidy. We had no reason to suspect this. We had the Verifi test done at 13 weeks and nothing was detected (only after did I find out that only one test out now can detect triploidy). Had the anatomy scan gone differently, chances are we would have found out then and would have needed an amnio to confirm. I then would have had to made the choice how to proceed.

In hindsight, I don't think I could make that decision. My angel made the decision for me and I am grateful for that. I feel as though she was looking out for me. Yes it was hard for me to deliver my daughter and say goodbye. For me though, it gave closure. I wanted to be able to hold her. For all the issues during my pregnancy I was thankful that my delivery went well. It was very difficult for my husband to witness though. We both replay that day in our heads and see things differently.

Ultimately it is a decision that only you and your husband can make. Whatever the choice is, I am sure that it will the right one for your family. I will keep you in my thoughts.

lisaren · May 2014

I'm so very sorry. Thank you for sharing your story. xo

Love to you.

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