Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Am I wrong to feel this way?

I had my my miscarriage about 7 weeks since my m/c. Last week I was given the news my SIL is pregnant. Am I wrong to just not be happy for her? I don't want to know about her pregnancy I feel like I'm not in a place where I can be nice right now. When my other SIL was pregnant the whole time all I heard about was what my MIL had bought and how much it cost and how DH and me didn't need kids anytime soon. I know it will be the same way with this SIL's pregnancy. Am I wrong to just feel so angry?
Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020

Re: Am I wrong to feel this way?

  • I don't think you're wrong to feel the way you're feeling.  Eventually your heart will be in a better place where you can be happy for her, but right now it's too soon for you.  Give yourself some time.

    image
    BFP: 3/9/2014  EDD: 11/11/2014  MMC: 4/10/2014  D&C: 4/11/2014
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  • I had an almost exact same situation as you. Had a D&C two weeks ago and found out two days later that my SIL was pregnant. It's not that I'm not happy for her...and I know at some point I will be genuinely happy...but right now, the bitterness is just overpowering the happiness. I don't think it's wrong...or not normal. I think it's just okay to focus on yourself right now.
    Married 07/2006, TTC since 2010
    08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN  ,
    10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN

    04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
    05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN  , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
    03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
    4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
    5/31: Femara 7.5mg --> cancelled cycle, no follies
    7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
    9/20/14:  Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d 
     
    10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
    2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
    3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
    6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
    2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
    3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
    6/21/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
  • Thanks. I'm just trying to avoid DH's family right now. I feel like his sister doesn't deserve to have ababy, but i don't want something bad to happen either.Its so hard to put into words.
    Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007
    Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
    Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
    Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
    Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020

  • I completely get how you're feeling. I told my husband "it's not fair, isn't three enough? Why does she need to have another one? It was my turn to have one". I understand it's not me being reasonable...and I kind of felt like it was me acting like a 2 year old acting out... but I don't think it's abnormal to feel that way.
    I actually missed Easter with his family because of this...

    Married 07/2006, TTC since 2010
    08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN  ,
    10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN

    04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
    05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN  , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
    03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
    4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
    5/31: Femara 7.5mg --> cancelled cycle, no follies
    7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
    9/20/14:  Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d 
     
    10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
    2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
    3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
    6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
    2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
    3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
    6/21/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
  • I think we've earned the right to act like 2 year olds. I'm not going to mothers day at my husbands parents. Last year they bought a mother day gift for me and my other SIL who was pregnant last year. I don't want to be around that SIL's twins and my pregnant SIL this year. Just too much to handle.

    I don't cry as much now about it but when MIL text me at work she was pregnant I just cried and and called my husband. Didn't help matters that work was when my m/c started and thats when she choose to text it to me.

    I just feel so mean for feeling so angry.
    Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007
    Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
    Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
    Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
    Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020

  • LisaG09LisaG09 member

    My first thought when I read the title of this post was that I'm sure I could not read any of the information and respond, that the way you were feeling isn't wrong and know without a doubt that I was right. During this time, don't lead yourself to believe any feeling you have is wrong. It's natural and inevitable to experience a whole range of emotions that many of us weren't used to before. Jealousy, bitterness, and anger for most adults aren't prevalent in daily life but after this all of those are natural and certainly shouldn't be considered wrong. Grieve however your mind wants you to.

    TTC #1: February 1, 2014
    BFP #1: 2/21/14 EDD: 10/31/14 (my birthday!) MMC: discovered 3/31/14 (blighted ovum) D&C: 4/3/14 at 9w6d

    TTC #1 (Round 2): May 16, 2014 

     Names | Blog | Chart

    "Everybody wants to be happy. Nobody wants to feel pain but you can't have a rainbow without the rain."

  • It is definitely not wrong for you to feel this way.I've never been in this situation but am sure I would feel the same way.  I would just distance myself from her and other family if needed until you are ready to congratulate her.
  • Yaz14Yaz14 member
    You have every right to feel that way. Maybe it's best to distance yourself from her for a while? I know if someone close to me announced they were pregnant I would have a hard time being happy for them too. I'm sure in time you'll be able to be happy for her.

    image
    image

    Me(24) DH(26)/Married since March 2013
    BFP#1 February 18th 2014/EDD October 27th/MMC discovered at 10w/D&C April 7th 
    BFP#2 July 24th 2014/EDD April 4th 2015/Please be our RAINBOW!
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. Just know it is totally normal to feel that way! It's part of the grieving process. Don't beat yourself up over how you feel. I have had at least 12, yes 12, friends announce their pregnancies since I lost my little one 2 months ago and I have felt the exact same way. I was talking to two other friends about it, who are actually counselors, and they told me the same thing as I was upset with how I was feeling about it. It's ok to be sad, angry, and bitter. Eventually it does start to fade and we learn how to cope with it better. ((HUGS)) to you dear!
    BFP #3: 9/1/2015, EDD: 5/10/2016
    BFP #2: 10/8/14, EDD: 6/22/15, MC: 11/13/14 (D&C)
    BFP #1: 2/4/2014, EDD: 10/9/2014, MMC: 3/4/2014 (D&C)
    Married my Best Friend: 10/10/2009
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  • FeeganFeegan member
    edited May 2014
    ~Pregnant friend mentioned~

    My best friend is pregnant with her third child, she got pregnant the month before me and actually told me 5 minutes after I walked out of my RE's office with my first BFN under their care. It was SO. HARD. to be happy for her but I sucked it up, listened to her complain daily about her m/s and thank the lord the following month we were able to conceive. And yet, I was always on the edge of my seat worried about our baby, unfortunately, with good reason. When the u/s revealed the MMC I was/still am devastated and find it incredibly hard to talk to her about her baby. I ask her how she's feeling once a week now, out of duty as her friend alone, but so far she has been really understanding that it is hard for me to be excited for her right now when I am still suffocating in grief. I would hope that your SIL would understand that you are not in a good place right now, having suffered such a recent loss, and would know to give you time. Sending you lots of reassuring hugs.
    TTC #1: 3/2013
    02/2014: Clomid = BFN
    03/2014: Femara + Menopur + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP! - 3/17/14
    EDD: 11/29/14 - MMC @ 9 wks: 4/25/14 
    Misoprostol 4/28 & 4/29 - D&C after misoprostol failure 5/2/14
    07/2014: Spontaneous IUI, no meds = BFN
    08/2014: Spontaneous IUI, no meds = BFN
    08/2014 v2.0: Final spontaneous IUI, no meds = BFN
    09/2014: BCP cycle in prep for injectable cycle in Oct.
    10/2014: Gonal-F + Cetrotide + Ovidrel + IUI  = BFP!
    TWINS! 
    "Top Bunk" & "Bottom Bunk" due June/July 2015
  • I am feeling the same way. We just suffered our loss today. My cousin is pregnant again. We were due 2 weeks apart. I feel awful, but I asked why me and why does she get 2? It will pass. you just need time. Hang in there and try not to take her excitement personally. 
  • It is perfectly normal to feel that way. Throughout the last six years, since my first mc I have always felt a sting, except for when it came to my best friend. I was genuinely happy for her in a way I could never describe. But then again, she and I had both been trying and I was glad. Now I'm anxiously awaiting her bringing her LO to visit next month, because I love them both! I still feel that pang of familiar jealousy everytime someone else I know tells me they are pregnant, but it's definitely gotten worse since my recent mc. 
    I suppose some things never fully heal, but it gets easier. I have decided to seek a counselor this time around to help me pull myself out of the dark hole I'm in. I've decided this time as well, that I need to find something exciting about everyday. Yesterday, I was grateful for the short shift I worked that allowed me to make some extra cash and come home and make dinner for my husband. Today, I am going to make myself a tutu. It gives me the opportunity to look forward to something every day, and hopefully keep my mind off of the negativity I feel deep inside. Good Luck dear! 
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