WWYD Food allergies and birthday parties

MoFree · May 2014

This is an issue that is likely to arise with everyone as more and more children are diagnosed with anaphylaxic allergies. How much accommodation do you think is reasonable or to be expected?

DD has a friend recently diagnosed with peanut and tree allergies. Her mom is extremely vigilant but a 2 year old could easily grab a forbidden food. DD wants a Mickey Mouse cake for her birthday and there are no but free bakeries in my area. I was also planning to serve gelato from a place that is definitely not nut free. I hadn't thought about any other foods I am serving.

The mother can bring her DD whatever food is safe for her daughter to eat but it still makes me uncomfortable that there could be inadvertent cross contamination. I want to accommodate the little girl but not have my entire menu center on her eating needs.

Ironically some of the most processed, GMO laden foods may be allergy safe and much healthier options not so.

Ruthie04 · May 2014

I would definitely ask the mother. I'd assume she has a plan in place for parties. My son is allergic to oats and I have to be very careful with baked goods, crackers, and cereals. Most of my friends are very cool about it and let me rummage through their pantries and check labels when snacks are served. My boys aren't really into cake, but I'd probably bring some cookies or something for them if the cake was from a bakery I didn't know. HTH!

TJ1979 · May 2014

That is always a tricky situation, especially with nut allergies. For E's party, I made sure there were no obvious nuts anywhere. I made the cake myself, but I still can't guarantee nothing had possible nut contamination. I agree with Ruthie. Ask the mom what you can do to help without being super inconvenient for you.
I don't mean to be callous whatsoever (I had to deal with this too when E was MPI) but it's the mom's responsibility to be vigilant. It is wonderful of you to offer to do what you can, but she can't expect the rest of the world to be nut free for her child, you know? I'm sure she either has a plan in place, or needs to work on one so that she knows how to navigate this for the future. And she needs to teach her child how to navigate this as well, because this isn't a problem that's going to go away.

ccam · May 2014

In this situation, I think you can only do so much. My nephew has a nut allergy and it doesn't ever dictate what kind of cake I have or where I order it from. I do try and have something separate that he can eat and just warn my SIL ahead of time. If she wants to bring him something different, then she does.

Mrs.AmyDylan · May 2014

I'm with @ccam‌, you can only do so much. Make sure there is a nut free option, but it is the parents' job to watch them.

My cousins' son has a few very serious allergies. He only eats food she packs for him. It gets easier as kids get older, because they don't like the bad feelings that come with the allergic reaction. My cousins' kid is 4 and manages himself very well.

luvboston · May 2014

As a person with severe food allergies and Cd I prefer to bring my own food. I assume that is what this mother will do. Even if you try to be nice and get something for the kid there can be many things you don't know to look for and the worst is when ppl try to make me something and I have to pretend to eat it but really hide it or tell them they went to the effort for no reason. It wonderful you are even thinking about it. I would ask her if you can get anything the kid can have and not have obvious nuts sitting out for the kid to take by accident. Applause to you only my close friends care.

Mnerani · May 2014

I would think that you even asking the mom about it would make her feel great. Probably most people don't, because they aren't as aware. I highly doubt she will say anything other than "please don't plan your menu around us, I'll bring my own food." In addition, it would be nice if you pointed out any foods that contain nuts, and kept those out of toddler grabbing distance.

Sort of a different situation, but for my wedding, I alerted people with known allergies to the foods that contained that ingredient- like, "Jerry, the goat cheese appetizer also has pecans in it, I just wanted to you be aware." You could do something like that.

byrne15 · May 2014

As a mother of a child with a food allergy, I never expect the host to accommodate our food needs. I always bring food to a party for ds.

However, when it was ds's party, the cake and other items were dairy free.

queenbone · May 2014

I agree with the PPs that the mother will likely be bringing safe foods for her child if the allergy is that severe. I always try to provide safe options for friends who have allergies or dietary preferences, but my experience is that the ones who are significantly allergic always bring safe food. I also save all wrappers/ingredient lists so those moms can double check to make sure the food I think is safe, actually is. Turns out they put gluten in nearly everything!

MoFree · May 2014

Thanks for your responses. My cousin's son has multiple anaphylactic allergies and she gets angry when others don't have a completely allergy friendly menu. Luckily my friend is more reasonable.
I always read labels but the gray area of 'may contain nuts...' is tricky. I won't compromise my own food principles of avoiding HFC, preservatives and GMO because a food product is safe.

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