How well does your LO talk? Help me.

NMW071000 · May 2014

I've browsed through the past couple pages, but cannot find a thread about this. If my question is a repeat, please let me know where I can find some advice.

I'm worried about my son's verbal and social skills. In play group and at school, his friends speak with clarity and comprehension that far surpasses his. Though LO is 2.5, but I can't really hold a conversation with him. He repeats words and phrases, speaks in a few sentences (primarily sentences that begin with, "I want...") but he doesn't appear to understand me or my husband in the way his peers do.
This has led me to a few books and articles, some of which have mentioned autism. This terrifies me. It's something I've never thought about and don't really know how to deal with.
I will be meeting with the doctor tomorrow, but I'd love to hear advice or ideas from other mommies. Is this something you've dealt with before? Were you able to help your LO speak more or did you opt for speech therapy? How do you know if this is late blooming or something serious?

My biggest concerns (all of which are autism indicators) are:
1) Apparent speech delay 2) Prefers not to be touched, held, or cuddled. 3) Doesn’t seem to hear when others talk to him. 4) Doesn't share interests or achievements with others (drawings, toys). 5) Repeats the same words or phrases over and over. 6) Has difficulty communicating needs or desires. 7) Avoids eye contact.
He seems to be adept and talented at:
1) counting; he can get to 30 himself, 50 with a small bit of prompting
2) shapes; he's gone beyond normal shapes and identifies octagons, trapezoids, cylinders, etc.
3) letters; he knows all letters as well as several words that begin with that letter. He also knows the phonetic sounds of each.

I hate that I'm comparing him to other toddlers; I guess I don't know how I'd notice there was a delay otherwise. I feel sick about it, and as a first time mom, I've been in tears wondering if there's something I've done wrong here.

Any advice for help, encouragement, or personal been-there-done-that anecdotes would be much appreciated.

Thank you!

brachysira · May 2014

Comparing is very important--don't feel bad. Google M-Chat and take the results to your doctor. Don't let the score freak you out tho--it just helps them identify who to evaluate--it doesn't tell you a diagnosis. Go to the Special Needs board--you don't have to post, but you can read about others' experiences. Many many posters there have kids with autism spectrum or something that looks similar to that but is not. Figuring out what is going on, if anything, is probably not something that will be fast. Just keep posting and seeking medical advice and things will slowly get clearer and easier.

ashiscute · May 2014

I won't be a huge help because my DD has sort of the opposite issues. She is 3 now but was almost nonverbal as toddler. She only babbled basic sounds (mama, dada) which didn't really progress from about 7 mos until 15 mos. She did not imitate at all and was silent most of the time. I was terrified something was wrong with her. I had a friend who we saw once a week who probably knew DD for months before she heard her talk.

I was very proactive with getting her help. At 15 mos I pushed for an EI evaluation and she qualified for speech therapy. She has since been diagnosed with Childhood Apraxia of Speech and Oral Sensory Disorder. I am so grateful that I called EI and got her help. Her speech therapist was so amazing. She came to the house once per week and helped DD with her speech but also helped me to communicate more effectively with DD.

DD is in preschool with our county that is specifically for children with a development issue. She has been doing very well there and I'm really happy with our decision. She has to work hard on her speech every day but it is much easier to know i'm doing what I can. I would definitely talk to your pedi and get your LO evaluated by EI. They evaluate all areas of development (not just speech) and will give you a good idea of where your LO falls with others in his age group. Good luck.

NMW071000 · May 2014

Thank you so much, ladies. That actually helps a lot. I'm pregnant with my second right now, and my hormones are absolutely making me crazy, so I've been crying about this for something like a week. As soon as I saw mention of autism I kind of freaked out. It will all be okay; I just needed an idea of where to go from here. Thank you so much!

TiffanyBerry · May 2014

A friend of mine has a son who has *MANY* of the warning signs of autism. She's had him evaluated - it was a long process. In the end, while he was NOT diagnosed with autism, she had many of the people involved in the evaluation say "he doesn't fit the checklist of criteria, but we see why you are concerned" and she used services to get help relating to him and working with him. She has had to spend a LOT of time on *teaching* eye contact, and *teaching* how to read emotions, and *teaching* lots of things you don't think about actively, systematically *teaching* to a toddler. But he needs that. She knows that even if he doesn't have a label, he's going to always relate to the world a little bit differently than the "average" kid, and that's ok - especially now that she has (and knows how to get) the tools to help him do this.

chardonnay24 · May 2014

That sounds a lot like my son at that age. We had him evaluated through early intervention just before he turned 3 and they did actually give him an educational diagnosis of ASD. However, his pediatrician was on the fence about it and his developmental pediatrician was pretty adamant that it was NOT autism, but something like SPD. We have since started OT and speech through a local private children's hospitals and both therapists agree that he is not autistic. Right now, we have a tentative diagnosis of SPD, but that is because he has some other behavioral challenges (lack of safety awareness, really sensitive to touch, extraordinarily active and sensory seeking, auditory processing delays) in addition to the speech and social issues. We are having a formal, medical evaluation done in July, but at this point it is highly unlikely that he will end up getting an ASD diagnosis.

Right after he turned 3, he had a huge leap in development. He is now (at 3 years 3 months) talking in full and complete sentences, able to tell stories, recall information, and hold conversations. We're still working on articulation but that is the only area that he is behind in right now. He also is beginning to play with peers more. He says hi, holds small conversations, and will play cooperatively in games and the like. He still prefers to play alone, but that is because he likes to have control of the situation, and it is hard for him to let that go when a peer wants to play this way while he wants to play that way. But considering that 6 months ago, he wasn't even able to engage in parallel play, I'm pretty pleased with his progress.

I know it's scary. I found out that I was pregnant (we were preventing) when we were going through the evaluation process at the beginning of the year. I was terrified and sad and feeling hopeless. I cried almost every day for 8 weeks. It was tough. Even though he's grown out of many of the things that we were concerned about, I think that ASD will always kind of be on our radar. And even if it's not, he certainly is not typical and we face many unique challenges in raising him. That said, it's also nothing to be scared of if that's what it turns out to be. It's different and it's not what you expected, but it's not the end of the world and you will find a way to cope. Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions or just want to talk!

greyt00 · May 2014

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's scary to consider the possibility that your child has delays and needs help. I was denial about DS1 for a long time. I knew something was wrong, but I was too scared to do anything about it. DS1 is on the spectrum (diagnosed at age 2.5) and he has all those things (both the flags and the "adept and talented" list) in common with your son. He didn't speak in any sentences, though -- his speech was more delayed. None of this means your son is autistic, though. I would seek an evaluation with a developmental pediatrician to get a better grasp of what the delays are and how best to help.

Even with a "severe" diagnosis such as ASD, DS1 has made a few leaps in a short time. He played on 1 of his play dates recently. He has approached strangers (in a therapy waiting room) and spoken to them nicely. He speaks in sentences now even though he still repeats other words and short phrases non-functionally. There is hope.

NMW071000 · May 2014

So I had to look up half the acronyms that you guys used (if that shows how lost I am here--hahaha!), but wow...so, so much great information. I am floored by how willing you guys are to provide such thorough feedback. I'm bad about letting my thoughts and emotions spiral out of control. As a teacher, I see my kids with high-functioning autism. They are really smart but they don't relate well to other kids, so they eat lunch alone. They work on projects alone; they do almost everything alone. They have next to no community beyond the teachers who sit with them and engage them in conversation in the halls, in class, and in the cafeteria. The thought that this may be my son--my baby--who is sitting alone, unable to relate, unable to make friends...it knocks the wind out of me. I realize that this is a huge leap from mere "speech delay" to autism; I just can't help but notice other indicators that may be of concern.
Thank you for helping me see light at the end of the tunnel. I needed that.

ProcessofBecoming · May 2014

Hi there: My son is just over 2 years old, and is on the spectrum; he was diagnosed at 19 months, and was labeled "very, very mildly affected" by two different developmental pediatricians. We've had him in EI since he was 12 months old. He's verbal, and learning new words by the day, speaks in two-word phrases, his receptive language has come a long way, and he has definite strengths in areas like music, problem solving (at one of his evals, he completed a puzzle meant for a child over 3), is quite social (but easily distracted by things like flags/lights--fortunately, he is also easily redirected) and has a great sense of humor. He's a little OCD, he does stim (more of like a body shake than a "flap"), and definitely has his quirks, but he's a really bright and super cute kid. Every one of our therapists said he had dyspraxia--even our pediatrician didn't see autism. But I did--and so did the developmental pediatricians. But he has come leaps and bounds in therapy, and I have heard "We expect he will be indistinguishable from his peers by grade school" enough times from enough professionals to have some measure of confidence in that. All of this being said, he gets a lot of therapy, and we invest a lot of time in helping to grow his skills. What comes naturally to an NT kid, he needs to be taught, but the important thing is, he is learning every moment of every day, as your little one will too.

As a mother, I say, trust your gut and get him into a developmental pediatrician for an evaluation. Developmental pedis often have LONG wait lists for appointments, so the sooner you call, the better. I would also contact your Early Intervention department (I think in most states you can self refer) and get that ball rolling for an evaluation as well. He may or may not get diagnosed, but if he does, the "label" will give him access to services that will help him to achieve his highest potential.

I know how you feel about being pregnant. I'm pregnant again (it was a surprise, as we were not "trying" that month--at all), and I am having another boy. The fear of having another child on the spectrum had me crying pretty much throughout my pregnancy thus far, especially when I found out it was another boy. But, I am trying to put my trust in a higher power that this was meant to be and everything will be okay.

I think the scariest and most stressful time for me was before my son was diagnosed--I am keeping you in my thoughts. Remember, ASD is truly a spectrum, and each child is different. There are so many treatments and therapies available today for kids whose issues might have been dismissed as quirky in the past. The future potential for these kids is limitless. Please keep us updated on everything!

martacaroline · May 2014

Hello! My son showed similar symptoms, minus some of your child's skills, being that he's not yet 24 months. We truly just thought he had a speech and language delay. After being evaluated, he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, which is now just known as Autism Spectrum Disorder. He has an extremely mild case of it and most people in my life are very surprised to hear of this diagnosis. Thankfully, due to the early intervention evaluations in NYC, he will receive 2.5 hours of therapy (ABA, speech and OT) a day for free. They can come to my home or his daycare and predict that his symptoms (his biggest delay is understanding/following commands and speaking) will gone or barely noticeable by the time school starts. Let me tell you, I am glad I called!
Don't think of the worst case scenario. Instead, do whatever you need to do in order for your child to get needed services as early as possible.
Good luck!

klv · May 2014

at 1.5 yrs my LO had nearly no words...she would say hi and no and that was about it.

The Drs told me she would likely never talk. 2yrs old hit and she went from about 5 total words to full sentences. My friends little boy did something similar. He was not talking at all at 2....just a few grunts. by 3 he was talking up a storm.

You can see a speech therapist if you are concerned.

eyenigh · May 2014

klv said:

at 1.5 yrs my LO had nearly no words...she would say hi and no and that was about it.
The Drs told me she would likely never talk. 2yrs old hit and she went from about 5 total words to full sentences. My friends little boy did something similar. He was not talking at all at 2....just a few grunts. by 3 he was talking up a storm.

You can see a speech therapist if you are concerned.

This seems like a huge jump from what seems to be a relatively common delay in a lot of kids. What made the doctor say that?

NMW071000 · May 2014

I'm sorry I'm so late in reading some of these! Thank you SO much; we've set up an appointment to get baby evaluated, but his speech has suddenly (and oddly) really taken off. In fact, while I was trying to describe my son's little brother (whom I'm currently pregnant with) recently, my son narrowed his little eyes and said clearly, "I want to hit that baby!"
Apparently I should be less concerned with his speech and far more concerned with where the heck he picked THAT up. What in the world?!?!

Meery82 · May 2014

Oh OP, I know exactly how you feel. We went through something similar a couple of months ago. DS's daycare director actually mentioned that we should have him evaluated and said he was showing signs of autism. I flipped. DH took it really hard also. It was the worst sinking, nauseating feeling ever. He had some speech delay, plus he rocks at times. We took him to be evaluated and fortunately, they said they see nothing that would indicate autism. He doesn't ever space out when he rocks; it's more like dancing. His speech delay has been chalked up to his constant ear infections and needing tubes, which he had placed in December. He is almost 2, so I know it would be kind of early to diagnose him if something was wrong, so I plan to keep watching for any warning signs. But the older he gets, the less I see any potential issues. His speech also took off when we were told this and I think it was due to us working with him way more than before. So you may be doing that and not even realizing it! I would definitely get him evaluated. It's better to find out sooner rather than later. But in my opinion, every child develops at their own pace and people can be very quick to slap a label on them. Good luck and I hope everything turns out okay!

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