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December 2012 Moms
Addy1227
member
Wanting another vs baby fever
Addy1227
member
This might be a silly question but how do you know if you want another baby? I change my mind every other day, SO doesn't even believe what I say now because I flip flop so often. I go through strong bouts of really wanting another but I think it's just baby fever. It's like I don't want another, I just want my toddler to be my itty bitty baby again. I'm not sure if this even makes sense! I'm so confused, they just grow too fast! I actually miss the mid night wake ups and get excited if LO happens to wake up at 3.
But then I think about it and I'm glad I'm past the mood swings and constant crying (mine not LO's, I think I was border line PPD, or it could have just been exhaustion from pumping around the clock). Breast feeding was such a struggle and I feel like I was mad at SO constantly and although I think I want another I don't want to face all those challenges again. Maybe more time will tell, it's not like we have to make this decision now.
I realize you guys can't much help with this, it's more of a vent I guess. Anyone sharing similar feelings or do you know for sure? And if you do know, how? Was there a defining moment where you actually knew whether or not you wanted another?
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Re: Wanting another vs baby fever
We waited a while before decicing it was time for kid(s) and had two friends get pregnant right about the time DH and I started trying. Was very envious of their apparent sucess. A month later, one had lost the pregnancy & the other had a late loss. Those made me feel less urgency & then after about a year of trying, got the positive home & dr office test had the "oh shit it's real, what did we get ourselves into" feeling (and fluctuated between that feeling and being happy). Ended up with a very early miscariage which led to the we'll give it another try when are ready, but if doesn't happen, there are other ways to be involved in the life of a child without being their parent. When we got the positive for LO a little under a year later, was happy but didn't let myself get hopes too high because things seemed to be too smooth (that sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop & at that point had the feeling that IF wanted another LO in the future, would be as foster or adoption). Ended up needing a csection and one of the things they warned about was possibility that the uterus would need to be removed (along with all the other possible complications) and for me it clicked at that decision point. Was completly fine being O&D as long as my LO and I made it through safely. Are still of that mindset although my obgyn at the 2month post pardom visit seemed to think I'd change my mind later & encouraged me to give it more time before making any final decisions. We haven't done anything permanent, but am waiting for DH to call for his dr to do the referal for the snip procedure.
When see babies, am glad LO is out of that stage, when see pregnant moms, empathize for them. If DH wanted a larger fammily & we had different circumstances, might feel differently, but at this point when people ask about siblings for LO, I tell them she can get an outside dog if she can convince her dad & she fully takes care of it. We're still nursing & with still cosleeping I think that is how I am holding onto LOs baby-hood so to speak. There are occadional times where I miss how she'd nurse and fall asleep on me and miss that hour or two of stillness / quiet time with her, but don't want to repeat all the other stuff and the memories reality of the "don't move" and not being able to get up to pee or get water intrudes. DH has said a few times that he misses LO when she was a squishy baby (not that wording) because he thinks she was cuter then (not that she isn't cute now though), but that at much as he loves her and is involved with her, he is good with where we are at as a houshold of 3.
Do still get
For the tangent: when I realized my playgroup would soon run out of new babies (is grouped by calendar year), felt an odd sense of disappointment that there wouldn't be new ones. Didn't want to make any new ones myself, but am helping to start this year's play group so am still getting the baby fix, but without the loss of sleep/another pregnancy...
hope all that made sense.
@prncebride - My mom had me at 42 and my brother two days before her 45th birthday. Not that we weren't higher risk, but it's do-able.
@addy1227 - We have always discussed having two too. I think that if I'd been miserable or really didn't want the second that DH would have been supportive, but we never had the "let's see how this goes and then we'll decide" thoughts. Like, when we bought out house, we talked about how the two kids would have the two similar sized bedrooms, etc. even though we only had one on the way.
BFP #1 12/02/11, M/C 12/08/11
BFP #2 04/06/12, DD born 12/20/12
BFP #3 06/09/14, M/C 06/15/14