Accepting Help

WasNotWas · May 2014

At this point I think it's pretty clear that I have some control issues

My question, as we are all strong, independent women, is how do you accept help without feeling like you are failing?

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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WasNotWas · May 2014

I starred this post @libberluru I need to read that over and over and over

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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ASmallWonder · May 2014

You're only failing if your kids aren't fed, safe and well loved

For as big a shit as my mother is, the one thing I learned from her is about how we do Christmas. The dinner is simple because my grandmother spent most Christmases in the kitchen and I will never have that be my family's memory, kwim? Don't think of accepting help as failure but rather, a strategic decision that gives you time to enjoy the life you've worked so hard for :-D

tiffletons518 · May 2014

I think the first step in this is realizing that someone who looks like they are successfully "doing it all", probably has help too that you don't see. My H hit me with that one this time around and then when people make comments about how I do it with 3, I realized the man has a point. They assume I keep up with everything all of the time and the kids and life. Umm, nope. I keep the kids alive, fed, and (mostly) happy everyday. The cleaning and laundry get done, but not as regularly and timely as some may think. I'm blessed to be able to stay home. But, my mom was not. And, I remember her having opportunities to further her career, and turning them down because it would mean less family time. I respect that hell out of her for that. She has never regretted it either. Balance is tough and delegating is a huge part of it. I figured out that failing for me was when I was trying and pretty successfully doing "everything", but I was probably not a very pleasant person to be around.

WasNotWas · May 2014

@chewbaccarock that's where I am too...my MIL will be moving closer this summer and I am realizing that I need to just let her help, but it is like physically painful for me to let her help...I'm such a weirdo!

O and everyone, hate me, we have a cleaning lady It is the best investment we have made. The help I need is more mental health than getting everything done, my brain can't handle worrying about work, kids, my marriage, and myself!

tiffletons518 · May 2014

WasNotWas said:

@chewbaccarock that's where I am too...my MIL will be moving closer this summer and I am realizing that I need to just let her help, but it is like physically painful for me to let her help...I'm such a weirdo!

O and everyone, hate me, we have a cleaning lady It is the best investment we have made. The help I need is more mental health than getting everything done, my brain can't handle worrying about work, kids, my marriage, and myself!

@wasnotwas Oh, well I can't help you there. I'm pretty good managing my kids and my marriage, but I still have yet to figure out how not to lose myself in all of that :P

WasNotWas · May 2014

@subliminalrabbit I'm leaning that direction. I just get so overwhelmed sometimes that I feel disconnected from my family which makes me sad which makes me overwhelmed, you see the trend

kread8 · May 2014

huckleberry08 said:

I keep asking DH for a cleaning lady. He says no, we are managing fine. What really happens is that I spend half my weekend cleaning the house, so I just stopped. The house is a wreck but whatever. Maybe he will eventually realize that the floor doesn't mop itself. I don't mean to sound bitter. He does a ton of other chores, but they are a lot less time consuming than cleaning a bathroom.

Huck! GET A CLEANING LADY!! Seriously. I told my H I would give up so many other things before I would give up our cleaning lady. We only have them come once a month, but it's such a good investment. I'm hoping at some point we can bump it up to twice a month.

momofcatan · May 2014

I have a very hard time accepting help for the stupidest reason, I just automatically say no because I think I can do everything myself. It has resulted in a really rough past couple of months. I finally called my MIL and took her up on a previous offer to have their nanny come over once a week and clean. I hated giving up that control but it has been great. I know when I go back to work I am going to be accepting all the help, or at least stopping to think before I just say "No I've got it covered".

WasNotWas · May 2014

@mcbush thanks for your thoughts

I think running and working out has become my hobby and I'm going on the second week of work and life cutting into that time. Now that you mention it, that has directly affected my mood! I just wish I could be more zen, like mind over matter, but there is officially too much on my plate to neglect myself. This has been very helpful!!

WasNotWas · May 2014

Funny story @VASC‌ the first time I babysat I put the kids to bed and honestly was like "why are the plates still out?" We had else elves at our house too

No longer the best · May 2014

@wasnotwas I posted a week or so ago about having some anxiety issues. I don't know for sure it ws a Dr. Google diagnosis but my mind was racing and I was not sleeping and i was at my breaking point and I finally reached out for help.

I posted on here like you did and on a local Mom's FB page getting suggestions on who to talk to. I am going back to work in 3 weeks and I feel like it will be as big of a change as going from having no children to a newborn again. I don't know how I will do it all and as @subliminalrabbit said I won't but I refuse to give up on the ongoing journey to 'happy' and I should add appreciating it when i 'find' it!

Anyways I just hope you find whatever helps you!

LBeez13 · May 2014

I'm late to this too. I think what helped me was setting work boundaries. Pre baby I could work for hours after everyone had left the office and now I am the first to leave at 4. I try so hard not to feel bad or judged that I constantly leave right away but sometimes I do feel guilty. I also do make gym a priority. My husband helps keep me accountable because we both want gym time so we motivate each other. It's nice cause golds gym has the kids club so we can spend us time while working out.