Community› The Bump Month Clubs› July 2012 Moms
July 2012 Moms
New Discussion

WWYD: IL's and Mother's Day

zyaszyas member
in July 2012 Moms
This is kind of going to be a post and run, more like a post and go to bed. But this has been bothering me all night so I am turning to you ladies for advice.

So for the last month, or more actually, we have been trying to get together with my inlaws and something always comes up on their end (it's my MIL, she is always sick or not feeling well with something. I think she might be depressed and more is going on then we know but I'm not sure). Literally we make plans to meet for dinner or have them over and the night before I get a text with some excuse why they are canceling. Every single time except for Easter. We make plans like 3 times a week too. So once again, we make plans for last night and Monday night of course I get the text. So then she wrote back and said she really wants to see us another night this week and when could they see us, she misses us so much. So we made plans for tonight. I never got the text last night so I thought we were actually going to see them. Then a couple hours beforehand today, I get the text. Surprise surprise. 

But she also asked in her text if we made reservations for Sunday. Um, no, we haven't even discussed Mother's Day with them. CAUSE WE HAVEN'T SEEN THEM. Anyway.... I guess FIL and BIL picked a place but we were never told where or when. Since we never heard from them and quite honestly we are really frustrated that they keep bailing on plans with us, H and I discussed taking Ava to the zoo or something on mother's day. We usually work all weekends but we have that day off which is rare for us that we get a weekend day off together. It's also our anniversary on Monday so it would be nice to have a family day.

I texted MIL back that we hadn't discussed Mother's Day with them yet and that we were thinking of going to the zoo. She wrote back and said she wouldn't be able to walk around the zoo but that was ok, we'd see them another time. Then she wrote and asked if she had done something to make me mad. So then I feel really BAD and started thinking we should just meet them for lunch. 

We are just so frustrated and don't know what to say. They live 30 min away and have seen Ava only a few times since Christmas. And it's not like we aren't trying. Making plans 3 times a week and having them cancel on all of them is really getting to us. 

So should we do our own thing on Mother's Day or should we go see my IL's? I'm the one who feels guilty, my H really doesn't care either way. 

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
image


Report Reply to Post

Re: WWYD: IL's and Mother's Day

  • PleionePleione member
    I would just do the zoo with H and LO if I were you. Maybe stop at their place for tea or dessert and take her something if your H wants to. I'd also reply her text reassuring her that you're not mad, and that you hope everything is okay as you haven't seen them in a while.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • britbratjfbritbratjf member
    Do your own thing. You have nothing to feel guilty about, it's not your fault they haven't seen you!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image

    Report Reply
  • aylafsu88aylafsu88 member
    I agree with everyone else, go to the zoo and enjoy your family. I know that you want to spent time with your ILs and that you want them to see Ava but you have to remember they are adults. If they truly want to see/spent time with you they would make it happen. They are the ones who have canceled the last three times, you cannot rearrange your schedule now just because it is convenient for them. Plus what happens if they cancel again at the last minute? It would be a whole day wasted and you would wish you went to the zoo. 
    Report Reply
  • lkamenkolkamenko member
    edited May 2014

    If you want to keep good realtionship with your ILs I suggest you plan to go to the zoo and come over their place for dinner after.  You may plan to bring the takeout to them if they don't cook. High chances they will cancel last minute again ;)

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

     

     

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Report Reply
  • zyaszyas member
    thanks ladies, yes I think we will just do our own thing and maybe see them for dinner on Monday. Possibly we'll drop by on our way home from the zoo and take them dessert.

    The weather forecast is not looking so great for Sunday though, boo! We may have to do something else and not the zoo that day.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image


    Report Reply
  • zyaszyas member
    lainikins said:
    It is you husband's mom. Here that would be husband's decision on what to do.
    well if I left it up to him then we'd never ever see my ILs. I am much closer to them then he is. I just feel badly - more so for Ava I think, as these are her grandparents and they live SO close to us yet she never sees them. They are missing out on so much. But how do I say that to them without coming across as a total bitch?

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image


    Report Reply
  • ThePinkSuperheroThePinkSuperhero member
    zyas said:
    lainikins said:
    It is you husband's mom. Here that would be husband's decision on what to do.
    well if I left it up to him then we'd never ever see my ILs. I am much closer to them then he is. I just feel badly - more so for Ava I think, as these are her grandparents and they live SO close to us yet she never sees them. They are missing out on so much. But how do I say that to them without coming across as a total bitch?
    You can't.  You have to let go of your expectations of how they will act and live your life.  Making plans 3x a week when you know they'll cancel every time?  Waste of your time, girl.  Let them come to you.
    image
    image
    image
    Report Reply
  • zyaszyas member
    ThePinkSuperhero said:
    zyas said:
    lainikins said:
    It is you husband's mom. Here that would be husband's decision on what to do.
    well if I left it up to him then we'd never ever see my ILs. I am much closer to them then he is. I just feel badly - more so for Ava I think, as these are her grandparents and they live SO close to us yet she never sees them. They are missing out on so much. But how do I say that to them without coming across as a total bitch?
    You can't.  You have to let go of your expectations of how they will act and live your life.  Making plans 3x a week when you know they'll cancel every time?  Waste of your time, girl.  Let them come to you.
    Oh I know, it's a complete waste of time. The thing is that she is the one who constantly says she wants to see us and asks when so I figure out a time that works for us. I'm just at that point now where I give up.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image


    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"