Intro

KR250222 · May 2014

I feel like I'm in a nightmare. After 2 years of TTC we found out we were having twins through IVF. It finally worked! Things began to go downhill quickly. At 6 weeks one was measuring small. At 8 weeks I found out the strong one had no more heartbeat but the little one was growing just fine. I began bleeding and at 9w4d was told the other no longer had a heartbeat either.

This has been devastating after years of trying and going through many many fertility procedures. I feel robbed, angry, sad, depressed, etc. I had the d&c Tuesday and Thursday will be my 3rd day off from work in a row because I just cannot face real life.

DH is just as devastated as I am. We really thought we were finally getting our happy ending, our family. I don't know how and when I can face IVF again. I feel like I'll never be a mother. It's all cruel and unfair. Fortunately I am going to see a counselor tomorrow. Am I excessively taking off work? How do I face reality again?

Feegan · May 2014

First and foremost, I am so sorry for your losses. All of this is so unfair but especially so to those that struggled with infertility. I don't think you're excessively taking time off work at all, and would honestly suggest you take the whole week off because emotionally, you'll need it. Spend the extra time resting as much as possible because you've been through a lot. Hugs to you and your husband.

Julz81 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I really don't think your taking off too much work, you need to worry about you and your dh healing!

cf101009 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think you need to take time, grieve, and rest. I know I felt like I couldn't leave my house or face people at first. It's been 2 weeks for my and if I'm being honest, I still feel that way a lot. I've been making myself see more of our friends and do more each day. It hasn't been easy, but I know I need to. Thoughts and prayers to you at this awful time.

MrsKush1014 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wanted to take more time off after my D&C, but my DH convinced me that getting back to a normal schedule at work would help take my mind off everything. The first day back was difficult, but it got easier and it definitely helped to focus on my work instead of my emotions. Everyone is different though, so take the time you need.

tlc35 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss and all you have been through. I had off a full week from work and after that I actually felt better having something to focus on but I agree with PP that you should do what feels right for you. I'm glad you are going to see a counselor.

bralex2007 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss, especially after your infertility journey. I think all of your feelings are very justified, and I also think seeing a counselor is a great idea. Unfortunately, reality and grief are on two different planets and when you are facing significant grief, it is very hard to reconcile the two. Try to give yourself the time you need to begin healing from this, and I would ask your counselor about specific ways you could honor your healing process while still trying to integrate back into normal life. Personally, I found that I needed a week before I was able to start getting back into my daily life.

stephy1221 · May 2014

I am so sorry for your losses.

meredithcarole · May 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. I took 10 days off work - I needed it physically and emotionally. And actually, my boss kind of allowed me to do "light" work for another 10 days. Those first 3 weeks were particularly hard. I am glad you are seeing a counselor tomorrow. After your long journey I think it will be very helpful for you. Wishing you peace and comfort.

mrssprinter · May 2014

Very sorry for your loss! I have been off work for 10 days and am starting back in the morning.. I am ready to have something else to focus on, but at the same time I'm not sure I'm prepared to deal with co-workers questions/comments/etc. I don't think there is a right or a wrong amount of time to take off work. Everyone is different, and needs different amounts of time to cope. Sending thoughts and prayers your way!

O2girl · May 2014

Awww sweetie. I am glad you made it over here I know how hard it is to face. Just as always if you want to vent or chat just PM me. You have been in my thoughts and will continue to be.

Mrs Sweet Tea · May 2014

I am so sorry for your losses.

intheplanningstage · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your losses. With my first MC, it was on a Friday. I was a emotional MESS all weekend and couldn't understand how I'd manage to go back to work on Monday (bonus, I run a daycare....so I'm with kids all day). Everyone is different with their length of time they need but I'll tell you-it gets easier. I think about my babies every day, at least once a day. Honestly, I usually tear up a bit about once a day (usually when I see their sonograms on our 'memory shelf'). But it's all ok. You are allowed to grieve and be upset-at your own pace. You will get through this. It will always hurt, but you are already so strong from dealing with infertility (which I know isn't fair) and you can get through this too. Lean on your hubby and let him lean on you. Take all the support you can get from others. Feel no guilt about anything you feel or what you feel the need to do with work. Big hugs from someone who has been there!

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