WWYD? Bridal Shower & Bachelorette

GretchenWeiners7 · May 2014

Hey ladies! Sorry I haven't been around much. My mama was out here visiting & then I cried like a baby for an entire day when she left. Now that I have my shit back together, I have a dilemma sort of.

SIL is getting married on Oct. 25th. My due date is the 27th & I was supposed to be a bridesmaid. Obviously, it is highly unlikely that I will be attending that wedding (it's 5 hours away). SIL is totally cool with whatever happens. I have a maternity dress lined up just in case, but my plan right now is that I will be staying home. I told DH that I am okay with him going at this point (my mom will stay with me if he does), but that we would need to reevaluate the week of.

I got the invite for her shower & bachelorette party this past weekend and I'm not sure what to do. I want to go, because I already feel bad for likely not being able to go to the wedding. I'm not sure what the plans are for the bachelorette party, but the party & shower are the same weekend so I figure if I go, I can at least do dinner with them if not attend the whole party. DH does not seem sold on me going for some reason. It's in the town she lives in (again, 5 hours away), but I am not overly concerned about that part. They're scheduled for early August, so I think it would be manageable for me to go. He says that since I'm not going to the wedding, it's no big deal for me to not go to any of the events. I feel like I should go especially since I probably won't be at the wedding. I don't know if it's something I should fight for or just leave it. I am almost positive that MIL would drive and/or pay for us to fly. WWYD?

raynes · May 2014

I'm in your camp on this one. I think it would be a great gesture for you to make the effort to go to the shower and at least part of the bachelorette, especially if you like your SIL!

youngin12 · May 2014

I think since you aren't going to the wedding and this is a family member, you should definitely go to the shower if there are no health reasons to keep you from going. I would probably forego the bachelorette party if it were bar hoping but attending the dinner or other events would be something I would do.

Sockgnome78 · May 2014

I would say go. As long as you know what you can and can not do, and don't over do it. Then I say go. Like PP said if you like/love your SIL it would be great to celebrate with her.

kmgriff0709 · May 2014

I say go!! I am also in two weddings this fall one on Sept 27th and one on Oct 11 and my due date is oct 23. All the bridal showers and bachelorette parties are in August. One of them is my BIL wedding and one is one of my best friends. Fortunately both weddings are in town so I am still going to be apart of them, but I am still going to take my pregnant self to both bridal showers and bachelorette parties unless there is a health concern at that time. I definitely think you should go! Its not going to hurt you what so ever, and I know that it would make you feel good not to totally miss out on everything! It would be a nice weekend getaway too!

GretchenWeiners7 · May 2014

Happyin14 said:

I'm with you. Since you can't go, making an effort to get to the things you can go to would probably mean a lot to her. And I think you'll feel up for doing more of whatever you wanted that weekend. What are his objections? Seems weird...

Honestly, I don't really understand what his objections are. I don't think he has a very good grasp on etiquette for stuff like that. He didn't want to have dinner at our wedding because he didn't think it was necessary to feed the guests. :-? He is totally embarassing in the wedding/baby/formal event area, but I swear he is civilized

vrj0522 · May 2014

I think it would show your SIL that you really care and that if you could, you'd go to her wedding. I see nothing wrong with going to the shower and party and skipping out on any parts that would be appropriate to do so. Maybe give it a rest for a few days and then come back to YH and let him know you want to go and why.

Saragoeswest · May 2014

Go, drive, and have a blast!

GretchenWeiners7 · May 2014

Thank you ladies! I think I will bring it up to H again and see what he says. I might also chat with MIL (we are close) and see what her plans are.

lrobi13 · May 2014

I am with you. I think it is a nice gesture to go to show your support while you are a bit more comfortable since the wedding is going to be out of the question.

irisheyes317 · May 2014

I agree with you. I think it would be a nice gesture to go to the shower and bachelorette party since you can't make it to the wedding. I agree with your plan of talking to your husband again. Maybe if you haven't already, you could emphasize that you'd really like to go as a nice gesture? Totally projecting here, but maybe your husband is telling you not to go because he doesn't want you to feel like you have to if you don't feel up to it.

GretchenWeiners7 · May 2014

I totally forgot that my stepdad is taking my family to Chicago (also where all these activities will be taking place) the weekend before. H and I opted out of going for several reasons (mainly that my stepdad asked me to help him plan something, and then emailed me the next day to let me know he had decided to plan a trip to Chicago). My mom was with me when H and I had the initial discussion about the shower & bachelorette party and he didn't want to ruin her surprise. So now I am not sure what to do! I think I will still go to SIL's events. My mom is very understanding and I have a surprise party planned for her the weekend of her birthday.

SusieBW · May 2014

I'm with everyone else. If it were me, I would totally make the effort to be there for the other events if I couldn't make the wedding itself.

I had two close friends getting married around the time DD was born, and I was supposed to be in both out of town weddings (as it worked out, one wedding was a week before she was born, and the other was a week after). I backed out of the actual weddings, but I still helped with shower planning and hosting and I still went to both bachelorette parties, though I went home early from both of them. Granted, none of this took place more than an hour from home (only their weddings were out of town, but they live close by), but even still - if you feel up to it, I think you should try and go.

yella726 · May 2014

Wow, I feel like our situations are so similar! I was due to be in my dear cousin's wedding on October 11 (my EDD is October 10). The wedding is 6 hours away and I had to step down because there is a 99% chance that I will be in no mood/condition to drive at that point.

Her bridal shower ended up being scheduled first on Aug. 3 and then switched to July 27 (my birthday weekend) after I had already made plans with my parents for them to take time off of work and drive the 6 hours to visit us in Maine. Initially I wanted to throw a fit like a 3-year-old. We had such awesome plans and this was supposed to be MY birthday weekend! I swear, I wanted to stomp my feet and cry, haha! I've made the decision to instead travel to her for her bridal shower. After all, I won't be able to come to the wedding, so I think it's important to be there for her on at least that day!

GretchenWeiners7 · May 2014

yella726 said:

Wow, I feel like our situations are so similar! I was due to be in my dear cousin's wedding on October 11 (my EDD is October 10). The wedding is 6 hours away and I had to step down because there is a 99% chance that I will be in no mood/condition to drive at that point.

Her bridal shower ended up being scheduled first on Aug. 3 and then switched to July 27 (my birthday weekend) after I had already made plans with my parents for them to take time off of work and drive the 6 hours to visit us in Maine. Initially I wanted to throw a fit like a 3-year-old. We had such awesome plans and this was supposed to be MY birthday weekend! I swear, I wanted to stomp my feet and cry, haha! I've made the decision to instead travel to her for her bridal shower. After all, I won't be able to come to the wedding, so I think it's important to be there for her on at least that day!

Ahh! Glad to at least have someone in the same boat! That's so nice of you to travel for her shower. I hope that you still get to do something fun for your birthday!

noellemari · May 2014

I'd go! The last bachelorette party I was part of was while I was around 5 months pregnant and they were going bar hoping. It was also the same day as a friends wedding so I had a good excuse not to go! However, I got the bride a gift card for the restaurant they were having dinner at so that I felt like I contributed.

We were supposed to go to Vegas in May for a wedding but backed out to save money for baby. I feel like I need to go to all the other events. We did mani/pedis/brunch for her last weekend and I will def be attending the shower. So I guess I know how you feel about going to other things since you can't be at the wedding.

Dani0329 · May 2014

Go and enjoy! You will be in memories of her special time even if you aren't there are the big day.

DaniGrace89 · May 2014

I'm in a very similar boat. I'm due October 23, my sister is getting married October 10. I'm the maid of honor, and am feeling a ton of pressure to stand up still....but it's a different situation. I am not going to her bachelorette party. Instead, I'm throwing her one for just us, and she says she's ok with that. We might do dorky sister stuff, like pottery painting, a cooking class...idk. But something just us. May be a good consolation if you feel bad for not going...just a thought! Good luck! And congrats on your baby!

mer313131 · May 2014

I would definitely go to the shower and bachelorette! I agree it would be a nice gesture especially since you most likely won't be at her wedding (if I were you I would have already said no for sure, that is way too close to your due date to travel 5 hours away). Guys sometimes don't understand these things