Have you ever accidentally insulted your best friend's kid's name-to-be...? — The Bump
Baby Names

Have you ever accidentally insulted your best friend's kid's name-to-be...?

10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
edited May 2014 in Baby Names
Yeah I did that. Now I feel like douchebag of the year... how do I fix this?

My best friends are pregnant with their first at the end of May. I am due with my third at the end of August. They'll be 3 months apart and we're super excited to go through this journey together. They hadn't shared baby names for their little girl and I haven't even shared the sex or name options with anyone yet either. We were out to lunch and she asks me "have you thought about names yet?" I think she was just hoping we hadn't thought of the same name. We both like keeping names secret so we don't get judged by family when we're set on something. 

My answer went something like: "I don't have any firm things I'm set on but I've definitely ruled out trendy annoying names like 'Brylynn, Jadyn, **** and those kinds of names."

Her face was... unexplainable and they both (her and her DH in unison) say "**** isn't trendy or annoying at all!!! What's wrong with that name?!?"

Then I knew... that was their daughter's name. They had confirmed and set a name and I just dragged it through the mud. They haven't talked to me in 4 days, even when I said I wanted to give them their gift since they didn't have a baby shower. Now I'm worried they wont even want me to see them in the hospital. I apologized, I said it wasn't a name that was up my alley but it was really great with their last name. I feel like I've ruined the best friendship of my life over a baby name. What would you do?

Re: Have you ever accidentally insulted your best friend's kid's name-to-be...?

  • Agree. All you can do is apologize for being rude. If I were mediating, I'd point out to them that they can't rush in and go nuclear every time someone doesn't appreciate the beautiful name they've bestowed on little Brecklyn, but it would not be tactful of you to say that. Just apologize again and say what you said here.
  • Everyone has different taste and that's ok. You apologized, that's all you can do, she will get over it. I've had people say negative things about our DD's name, Audrey, which I feel is a pretty neutral name. It pissed me off at first but I always get over it, I probably wouldn't pick a name they liked, and that's ok.
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  • BKD1386BKD1386
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    MrsFinni said:
    I did something similar, though I am not very close to the woman I said it to (we have a bad history). I was at a bar drinking and she showed me a picture of a personalized outfit listing that had the name Trembalynn on it. I started laughing hysterically and said the outfit was adorable but what the hell was up with that name, and she looked like she was about to cry. I felt absolutely terrible, and apologized but left it at that.
    I don't think I would have been able to hold back on that one either.  Wow  LOL

    All you can do is apologize, they'll get over it eventually  

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  • I've accidentally insulted people I don't know very well. But people actually get really touchy about names. No one wants to hear a name they love is trendy or annoying.

    I said something in a baby shop once about how I thought names Madison and McKenzie were trendy and I didn't care for them and the actual owner of the shop overheard me and got extremely huffy. I was like sorry, not sorry, I still hate those names.

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  • A friend and I have discussed. Any names many time (she has many friends that are pregnant including me and she is not currently pregnant). I don't love all of her future names and she might not love mine. We are two different people with different tastes/styles and we know that about each other. I'm sure your friend is upset but she will come around. Not everyone is going to love the names you pick and not everyone has to.
  • g8trkimg8trkim
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah you put your foot in your mouth but it was an honest mistake. You apologized and that's all you can really do. They'll get over it soon. Just keep reaching out here and there and I'm sure they'll come around.

  • Just yesterday I told a dear friend I hated the name Martin because all I hear is Martian. Turns out it's one of her top picks for a boy. Oops. Thankfully, she knows everyone has different tastes. I feel like your friend is being a bit you sensitive and hearing the dislike for the name as dislike for baby. This is not the case, of course. You've apologized and there's just really not much more to do. It was an honest mistake. Just give her time. I hope she comes around. It would be silly of her to do otherwise.

  • You're friend just needs to get over it. This past Friday night at a triple playdate we happened to be talking about names over wine (none of us are pg) when one mom said "omg, you won't believe it, my friends just told me they were naming their son River" the other mother and I both crack up and announce that River was actually our boy name (we had no idea it was the others). We all had a good laugh and that's it. I will till use the name if we have a boy in our future and I see that mom at least once a week for a playdate. Not everyone is going to like your name, if they did it would be über trendy and popular. They just need to get over themselves.
  • I agree with PPs. If you apologized, that's all you can do. I asked my BFF if her DD's name was spelled wrong when she told me the name and then felt bad when she said no, that's the name she was going to use. (Name is A.nsley, but I thought she meant Ashley because I'd never heard of the actual name). I apologized and we moved on. NBD. She probably got her feelings hurt, but she will let it go.
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  • Just before dd2 was born, my friend said to me 'so-and-so had a baby last week, named her Penelope. Ugh. Why?' And I just said I think it's lovely, rising in popularity, still underused (here in my state)....and 3 weeks later had a good giggle when I sent her a text to announce the arrival of our Penelope! Whatever, I really dislike the names I know she loves too. Not my kids, not my problem!
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  • Well, it's not like you did it on purpose. You gave your personal opinion on a name that you had no clue they intend to use for their child. You apologized, they have to get over it. You can apologize again, but if they're willing to let go of a friendship because of this, I'd say they aren't that great friends to begin with.
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  • I agree with everyone else.  You've apologized and there's not much more you can do.  Give her a few more days and then try to reach out again.  Honestly, if you've upset her this much, she is probably insecure about the name(s) to begin with, so you might be doing the kid a favor in the long run.

    I'll share my foot-in-mouth name story with you.  The first time I ever met BIL's girlfriend (now wife), we somehow got into a conversation about names and I went on a rant about "stupid, purposefully misspelled names".  She started to look really uncomfortable and I was like oh god, what did I say? Turns out she is a Kathryn and is very sensitive about the way it is spelled because she is constantly correcting people.  I was mortified.  Of course I elaborated that IMHO, Kathryn is a perfectly legit spelling of Catherine (Russian, right?) and I apologized, but I was so embarrassed.  Luckily there were no hard feelings there, but I am more careful about my name rants now!

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  • SkeemerSkeemer
    Long-Lasting Membership 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic
    I wouldn't do anything. If they are going to let a friendship go over you criticizing a name you didn't even know was attached to their child, that's their problem.


    I know it hurt their feelings but you honestly had no idea. You have apologized & tried to make it right. If they won't let you then it's their fault. Surely this isn't the first time you've disagreed on something. Politics, religion, & etc.

    My son's name is Jude. People either hate it or love it. I've had plenty of people look at me like they felt sorry for me as if that's the only name I could choose. Lol. No biggie. DH & I love his name & that's what matters.



  • Bummer.  I've found names are a dangerous subject.  You just never know when you'll step in it IRL.  I group it with religion and politics.  If I'm not willing to silently disagree with someone then I don't talk about it.

    Honestly, if they're that upset about a casual comment about a trendy name than I can only imagine how they would feel anytime your parenting styles differed.  Time is really all you can give them.
  • All of the PP have it - apologizing is all you can do. But honestly - if they were keeping their name a secret how would you know any different? They can't really get mad about it. It's not like they told you a name and you said it was stupid (like my MIL does with all of ours) - you just said you didn't like a name. It happened to be what they picked. Not your fault.

    Two of my friends kept their names a secret and their sons ended up having extremely similar names. While it's unfortunate since we are all close friends, they knew they couldn't get pissed about it because they kept it a secret. When you don't give people any clues, you open yourself to the possibility of opinions people don't want to hear.




  • jess9802jess9802
    Long-Lasting Membership 250 Answers 500 Love Its 1000 Comments
    edited May 2014
    A few years ago we were having dinner with my brother and his then-fiancee. A local ad came on TV, and SIL said she knew the family in the ad - they had a little girl named Jayden. I had had a couple of drinks and snorted and said something to the effect that I thought Jayden was a terrible name, especially for a little girl. SIL was deeply offended because she LOVED Jayden for a girl, and it was her top name choice. For a baby she was not yet expecting. She refused to talk to me the rest of the night, and DH and I finally left and I didn't speak to her for about a month.

    She and my brother did have a baby this year, a little boy. Of course, when I learned that the girl name they had picked out was Carter, well, I kept my mouth shut and was grateful they revealed that choice in an email so they wouldn't see the look on my face.
  • Pepper6Pepper6
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Photogenic
    It sucks, but you apologized...they need to move on.  If they can't get over someone saying their choice in name is trendy (Which it is.  Doesn't mean it's a bad thing if they like it, but it doesn't change the fact that it's still a trend...), then they are in for a very tough life when people have opinions on everything, especially parenting.  
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