A Preschooler's Thought Process

ErnieELF8 · May 2014

Hey ladies! I'm wondering what to tell my 4 1/2 year old son about the birth process for the baby, if anything. He really hasn't asked too many questions, so we haven't really talked about it a lot. Every once in a while, though, he'll ask something pretty random which tells me he is thinking about it. And, I mentioned once, rather briefly, that when Baby Sister comes that Daddy and I will be in the hospital, and he'll be with his Nana and Papa. Well, he totally wasn't expecting that, and so he was upset that he wouldn't be there. We haven't really talked about it a whole lot yet, b/c we still have a long way to go and he has no concept of time. I feel like when we do start talking about it, that it should be when its pretty close to her due date.

What did the rest of you do? Did you give your older children the straight facts? Or, did you go the stork route? Or talk about it at all? I'm thinking I should at least get a book.... Any recommendations?

MJC1116 · May 2014

My daughter is the same age and asked how the baby would come out of my tummy. She caught me off guard as I handy prepared an answer to that question yet. So I told her I'd push the baby out. She asked, "Like a doodoo?" And I told her exactly like that. Haha. That's all she needed.
We bought her the hook "I'm going to be a big sister" which basically explained how the baby wouldn't be able to do the things that she can do, eat the same foods, etc. She really enjoyed it.
When I had about 50 days left, we made paper rings to countdown until baby. We'd cut down a ring every night. Luckily baby came before the rings were finished! It was a really good visual for her.
As far as the hospital goes, she was also really upset that she would be away from us. When I packed her suitcase, I put two surprise presents in there - one for each night we were away. They were little craft type activities. I also packed a picture of DH and me. She got to stay with both sets of grandparents who of course spoiled her rotton. Dh also took her out while I was in the hospital for special daddy/daughter day.
All of these things went really well! Good luck!

ncbelle · May 2014

We answer questions as honestly as possible without getting into details that would be over the kids' heads. We have a book that talks about a baby being born (it's actually a book about a home birth so the kids are a bit confused as to why I'm going to the hospital - ha ha!). Both kids have an idea of what a vagina is (or at least where it is) and know that's where the baby comes out. We've looked at pictures online that show how baby is positioned in mama's tummy as well as some simple videos (I think baby center has some?) that show baby in the uterus and one that shows birth (non-graphically).

As for the hospital, they know that daddy and I will be gone while baby is being born but they are super excited about our friends who are coming to stay with them - playing that up as a fun treat helps. I think it's actually easier having slightly older children than it was when I had #2 and my first was only 28 months.

Verstej2 · May 2014

I have a 3 yr and a 5 yr old and we have discussed the facts with them (more the 5 yr old than the the three). We looked at some diagrams and videos that show simple versions of baby in mommy's tummy and the birth process. They were easily satisfied and we will just answer any questions that come up with the truth. I don't think you can go wrong with biology. We have also read lots of books about new babies and getting a new sibling. I don't know yet where the kids will be when baby arrives but we are planning a home birth. They may be in school or still sleeping. Either way I have someone who will be dedicated to them if they are around and can distract them with a visit to the park or their grandparents house is if needed.

With my last it worked out really well. Dd was 22 months and I put her down for a nap right before the midwife arrived for a checkup. I was 9 days overdue and very dialated so we decided to break my water. Dd woke up from her nap and had a new brother! I can only hope things work out as smoothly this time.

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oct-wedding · May 2014

This is new territory for me since DS was 16 mos when DS#2 arrived. My DS#2 has been craving attention and I think it is due to the baby coming soon. I've been trying to tell him the good things that will happen when his sister arrives like I'll have my lap back for stories and cuddling and that we can walk to school together.

He and DS#1 took a big brother class a the hospital about a month ago so they know where I'll be and what to expect when the baby gets home; the most important lesson that I saw come out was that we (mom & dad) love them and will still love them as much as we do now with the baby sister at home. We're also guessing when she'll come based on upcoming events and construction projects around our neighborhood since.

DH and I have totally sidestepped the questions on how the baby arrives and how she was created although we do have a book called "It's not the stork" that was recommended by my sister who is a doctor and just had a baby. They have a couple of versions geared towards age groups and we'll read it if they keep pressing with questions.

ready-or-not · May 2014

I am always honest with the kids, with age approprate information. The harder question for me is how the baby got in there vs how it got out LOL Grandma & Papa have always kept the kids for us during deliveries, but my last 2 were scheduled inductions a week past my due date, & it worked out for both the 2nd & 3rd time that they were there at the hospital visiting me when things started happening, so our family just kept them out in a waiting room or took them to get a snack or something during the delivery. I absolutely love that moments after the baby was born my other kids could come in & check out their new sibling. Then after the excitment settles down they go home with the grandparents & usually come back sometime the next morning or early afternoon. Dad usually takes over from there & spends the day/night with them until its time for me & baby to come home. We always do come home day as a family event, the kids are all there to walk me out of the hospital & ride home with new baby.

TheLovingWife · May 2014

I was honest with my kiddos, but I admit I "took the easy way out" I will be having my 3rd c-section, so I could honestly tell my DS that the doctor was going to cut the baby out of my belly. He wanted to know if it would hurt, and I told him that the doctor would give me medicine so that is wouldn't hurt, and then he wanted to know if I was going to cry

I know that eventually I will explain that some mommies deliver their babies a different way, but it will be easier when I come home for him to know to be gentle where my incision is.

He is very attached to me, and panicked most about the fact that I would be in the hospital and he would not be able to stay with me. DD is younger and loves being with other people. so she isn't as concerned that I will be gone, she just wants the baby to be a girl.

CVislo · May 2014

My son will be 5 in June and I'm due at the end of May. Early in the pregnancy, he told everyone that the baby was going to climb up my body and come out of my mouth... "Don't worry, mom. I'll catch the baby so he doesn't fall." Haha! I showed him my c-section scar and now he's convinced that baby will come out by the doctors cutting open my belly. Fine by me. It's close enough.

As far as questions he asks, I try to answer the as honestly as I can in a way that is age appropriate. He hasn't asked much about the birth process, though. He mainly asks about when the baby is coming and the things he can and can't do with him or teach him. He's is already protective of his brother. Nobody can touch my belly because it might hurt baby. He's very convinced that baby will be sleeping with him so he can keep baby safe and make sure he's not scared. He even has a plan to protect baby if there is an earthquake. It's the cutest thing.

ktwils2010 · May 2014

Check out the book "When You Were Inside Mommy" - I ordered it on Amazon. I really like it, enough information without being too descriptive for little ones. It talks about how babies grow in the womb or uterus, mommy's belly gets big and the baby comes out a "special opening". I highly recommend it

*LrCg* · May 2014

This is our 4th child and our oldest will be 5 years old so we've been through this a lot- lol (my older 2 will tell you all about placentas and umbilical cords!). We do homebirths so we've always been very open about it all because we have an open door policy to birth it's their choice if they want to come in and peek, stay or stay out and to much of their disappointment all babies have been born after bedtime (obviously I can't help you with the separation aspect since we've never been separated). Our midwife has always encouraged that all children (and spouse, of course) attend all prenatal appointments and she gets everyone involved. Because of this my kids (even my current 1 year old) help with measuring and using the doppler, etc. and that gets the conversation started and realization that there is something inside of Momma. We've never explained the sex aspect and honestly only recently has my 4 year old started to even ask how it got there to which we explain that Momma & Daddy love each other a lot and with God's help he helped us grow a baby in our belly (which has been enough of an answer). The big question has always been how it was coming out and I was very honest about it- its our body and its how our body works. There's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about for either parent or child. Although you might think a preshooler wouldn't understand, you'd be very surprised how much they understand they just can't vocalize it as clear!! My midwife has a library of children's books that she allows us to borrow and read to explain and unfortunately I can't recall the titles but I'm sure if you talked with your provider they'd have some suggestions and don't forget your library!

ErnieELF8 · May 2014

Thanks everyone! It seems like I'm going to have to address this soon, at our house. It went from, "The Baby is just going to POP OUT!!!" to "The Baby will come our of your bebo (belly button)" to now, as of this morning, "The baby is going to come out of your Pee Pee." He's apparently since talked to his cousin about it, who is a girl, and a few months older, and has to know every detail.

Thanks for all of the suggestions, and the book suggestions. I really like the paper chain idea, so it gives him something tangible to look at, and know about how long there is left. I've been telling him that baby sister will come when its "warm enough that you can swim outside", and now that it's getting warmer outside, I'll have to think of something else! Guess I better get my books and videos together. ;o)

LenaLove · May 2014

My daughter is very interested in "what's inside her body" and has asked very specific questions about the baby. She knows that the baby grows inside a uterus and when it is time to come out, the baby will come out of my vagina. I never shied away from telling her the truth, and at first she didn't believe me. I let it go until she asked again, and told her again.

Risk to telling your preschooler this information: we went to church at Easter with my sister who had just had my niece. My DD was fascinated with the baby, and announced, in that carrying way little voices have "Mommy! That baby came right out of auntie's vagina! Right mommy? Right out her vagina?" "yes love, but we don't talk about vaginas in church, shhhhhh"

jasrun80 · May 2014

My son was giving me raspberries and all that and then he paused and looked at my weird belly button and asked "but how does the baby get OUT of there?" looking intensely at my stomach.

I responded, "how do you think?" and he responded, "she will explode out there and it's going to be really really really really really REALLY cool." then he went on to the next thing…

I find that while i could have tried to explain the vaginal canal etc, it wouldn't have done as much good as potential confusion for him so IN LIFE,, i generally ask him his own thoughts on things & then respond with, "wow! you are quite imaginative!" and he seems to feel content with that…

my mom had a book about sex (it was for kids to learn about baby making/consent etc,,published in the 70s I'm SURE) and every kid who got their hands on it became obsessed & it was very confusing to me that it was a kids book when i somehow saw it in kindergarten. it did explain the process, but i just know (for us) that the whole explanation right now is too early,, my son turns 4 this summer.

nursecramer · May 2014

My 3y/o is really into animals, so I've shown him videos of various animals giving birth and chickens laying eggs. He also saw some goats being born last fall at the zoo. It usually helps bridge into conversation about the birth of human babies. He knows that mommies have three holes in their private area, one for pee, one for poop, and one for babies. He knows that mommies usually go to the doctor for check-ups and the birth, and that the doctor will make sure the baby and mommy stay healthy. He knows that it takes a long time for babies to come out, and that it can be boring to wait that long, and he won't have to wait with mommy and daddy for the baby but will be having fun with a friend who will bring him to us when the baby arrives. We've told him stories and showed him pictures from the day he was born.

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