? for SAHMs

samm1983 · May 2014

I don't post much here anymore, but I have a question that some of you might be able to help with. I hope you don't mind. I'm really struggling with the decision of whether to stay home or not.

I have the option of working a very small amount each week (it would probably be 2 half days) and sending my LOs to daycare during that time, but being home with them the rest of the week. This option would allow me to still have my foot in the door, but I would literally be working just to pay for daycare. I also like the idea of giving them that time for social interaction. I'm nervous about how I would give them those interactions without daycare. I'm also worried I wouldn't ever be able to get back to a job like I have if I leave completely, but maybe that is ok....I don't know. Financially, it makes no difference whether I work that small amount or not all....it's a wash with daycare factored in. I am so excited to get to be home with them, just nervous about letting go of my career completely.

How am I going to make this decision??? How did you? WWYD? Is my fear of getting back into work in 5-7 years valid or do I just let go and worry about that when it comes?

ETA: I would be in a year long contract, so couldn't stop working until next June. My job does not involve adult interaction (maybe a couple minutes each day), so that benefit doesn't apply. Most of it is spent with 5-6 year olds.

adoxyinherear · May 2014

I think your fears are absolutely founded. The climate in the work force right now, at least, is not favorable to moms trying to return after several years at home, so if you think you'd like to keep a foot in the working world and it won't pain you, I would go for it. I work part-time now after freelancing from home and staying with DD for the first 16 months of her life or so, and while I don't love leaving her, I think it has more to do with not really enjoying my work than anything else. I only went back to work because I need to pay on student loans, not because I wanted to.

She's in a Montessori child care program right now that I love, though, so I do feel good about leaving her in care every day - though sometimes I get very sad at what a big girl she is, going to school!

chloebeth930 · May 2014

I would take the part-time work. Your resume won't show any large gaps and your LO's will be able to get that social interaction at daycare.

I stopped working for about a year and 1/2. DH is in the military and we moved when I was 4 months pregnant. He was going to be deploying when LO was born so we made the decision for me to be a SAHM as long as we could finically cover it.

I started going back to work when LO was a year old. In the interview process I was asked about the gap in my resume, and honestly I don't think that my employer was too impressed to hear that I took a year off to SAH. I think that it is a realistic fear you have of getting back into the workplace. It isn't impossible, but you will need to be prepared to answer about the large gap in your resume in between jobs.

ProfessorPedals825 · May 2014

I'm a working mom, but thought I could offer a little advice. I would take the part-time work. DH was laid-off about 6 years ago. He took that opportunity to make a career change that didn't pan out. Then he decided to go back to school full-time. It wasn't until DD was 9 mths old that he was finally able to get back into the work world, so almost 5 years without a job. He has a degree and plenty of experience, but it was that tough for him to finally get a job again after being off that long. I'm terrified of this happening to us again so if I had the opportunity to keep my foot in the door, I would take it. You do have to factor in whether you really like this job too. If it pains you leave the house, then it's not worth it. Good luck to you!

4legsRbest · May 2014

I can only speak from my experience, of course, but after the twins are born I will be going back to work FT. My paycheck will just cover the cost for daycare for all 3 kids with a few hundred to spare at the end of each month. It is more important for me to stay in the work force for the long-term benefits for our family. And I also feel very strongly about my kids getting the exposure to group learning settings early and consistently. I know lots of SAHMs are very successful at getting their kids involved in group activities, I am just not one for that. I know my strengths and weaknesses and I think the setting my DS is in is most beneficial for him and will be for the twins even though I will be "working for nothing" for 2 years.

If you are planning on going back once they hit the school age, be forewarned, it will be very difficult to find something on the level you are at now with a 5+ year break in work. Whether anyone says it or not it will be a major hit against you in certain fields, I have been on the hiring and decision making end of many positions in my company and the resumes where big chunks of time are missing (for whatever reason) are often pushed to the side with no interviews being given. It is important for me to maintain earning independence because I grew up the child of a SAHM and when my dad died in my early teens, it severely crippled my family in terms of our economic situation (my dad got really sick and his life insurance barely covered medical expenses) and my mom struggled to find work. She ended up remarrying for a roof over her head and groceries on the table - it is not a good marriage. I refuse to be in the situation which is honestly my #1 driving factor.

To each their own, you really can't go wrong either way, your long terms needs and goals need to be considered, though.

HopingforChange · May 2014

I SAH exclusively. We moved for DH's job when I was about 5 months pregnant with DD. I never job hunted here in the Chicago area. Previously, I was a college advisor. When I do return to work, I hope to change fields. Love advising, but it's crazy hours and stressful. Anyway, SAH is great, but the feeling of not contributing to income or the wider world can be hard at first. For me, I try to get out daily, meet people, etc. I don't worry about DD's social interactions as there are always park districts, church groups, and my friends' babies. GL with your decision.

MickeyM04 · May 2014

I am a working mom and I don't feel that I could stay at home full time even if it was a wash with daycare. I don't like my career so it wouldn't matter to me whether I could get back in the field or not. It's basically a matter of I think I can't provide an enriching enough environment as I could if they were in daycare. DS was so behind until he started daycare. He was hardly talking and was super codependent. Within a couple of months at daycare he's developed SOOO much. He went from 10 words to over 100. No sentences to complete sentences expressing what he wants. Needing me to do everything to trying to take his pants off and use the potty with no prompting.

I feel like even if I was given the opportunity to stay at home (ie if our finances improved A LOT) I would still send him and eventually DD to daycare three days a week. And then what would I do on those days? I am a busybody. I just could not stay home while the kids were at school. I would go crazy. So I would end up working anyways just to keep myself active I think. That's just me. But there are plenty of stay at home moms that can provide a great learning environment for their kids and who wouldn't need to send them to daycare for that. If I was one of those moms I would stay at home full time, because I don't particularly like my job or working in general (unless I could have my dream job or something) so losing my career would not be a factor for me.

I think you have to decide what's best for you. No choice you make can be wrong. You will do whatever is best for your family and it will be great.

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