Mother's Day

biojess · May 2014

I can imagine that this will be a rough week for many of us. I know I've already seen a few advertisements involving babies that were a touch upsetting. I also figure we might want to limit the discussion of the day to a thread or two, so people can avoid it if they want. However, I am curious what others are doing and your thoughts and feelings.

I will be visiting my grandmother's house for the weekend. My partner, mom, and dad will also be there. I'm hoping that being around family will be nice, but I also know that they will respect my desire for space if it comes up. There won't be any gift-giving; we may go out for dinner. I won't be expected to go to church, which is good because hearing a sermon about mothers likely would not be good for me. I have a pretty low-key family, so I'm hopeful it will go well overall.

Though, I am still conflicted on whether or not I should be celebrating mother's day. I don't feel very mother-like, even though I am still mourning my loss. I certainly don't want to explain to anyone where my child is. I feel really in-between: neither a mom nor not a mom.

MrsKush1014 · May 2014

I feel the same way - in between. I'm avoiding my MIL as she has been rude about Mother's Day in the past, such as making a big deal of giving a gift to her other DIL in front of me and saying to me "I didn't get you anything because you're not a mother yet." I seriously think I would throat punch her if she makes any type of insensitive comment this weekend, so it's best to avoid her.

I think my DH and I are going to spend the day doing something on our own together. He's been calling it "anti-Mother's Day", which sometimes I find funny and sometimes it bothers me, but I know he's not meaning to be hurtful, he's trying to take my mind off it.

I posted this picture on the Mother's Day thread on TTCAL too, it's emotionally hard to read, but I still love it. This was in the Mother's Day service bulletin at my cousin's church last year and they did a really great job of raising awareness for mother's who have lost their children and those who have lost their mothers.

MrsKush1014 · May 2014

I was just notified that my photo doesn't enlarge when you click on it and I can't figure out how to change the size, so I'm typing the parts of the message that pertain to miscarriage/pregnancy loss/infertility, skipping the parts for mothers with living children.

**edited to say it brings to tears to my eyes typing this**

To those who lost a child this year - we mourn with you.

To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away - we mourn with you.

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment - we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don't mean to make this harder than it is.

This Mother's Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

biojess · May 2014

@MrsKush1014 That is a very lovely thing to have in the bulletin! Thank you for sharing; it made me tear up as well.

Feegan · May 2014

@MrsKush1014 Thank you so much for posting (and emailing) that, it was beautiful!!!

I found this site yesterday and although it brought on the tears, it truly made me realize that although I/we have experienced loss, we are still mothers: https://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/05/international-bereaved-mothers-day.html

There is a poem that goes along with this project which I also found especially beautiful and I hope you all do too:

Though I lose my petals
I am still a flower.

We grow together,
in a garden bed
of ash and tears,
heartbreak and love.

Whispered support blows
towards our delicate beauty,
crying nourishes our shared roots,
and the warmth of our compassion
heals the winter of our grief.

Though we have lost a petal,
we are still flowers,
lush and full together
in a garden of hope.

(Found here: https://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2011/04/international-babylost-mothers-day-poem.html)

martb80 · May 2014

Loved the words from that bulletin, it made me cry also. I'll be going to church on Sunday and then hanging out at the house. But on Saturday I'm going to a Mother's Day BBQ, so I'm sure that will be difficult.

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